DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Things did not go well with my husband when he told his parents we were getting married. They are big churchgoers, and they felt their gay son, “Shamed them in the eyes of the Lord,” to directly quote their reaction, as told by my husband.
Strangely, they seem to be okay with me and my being gay. My mom says it’s because they have only ever known me in that context. It’s like they don’t hold anything against me for being, “The way I am,” (to closely paraphrase what his dad told me). They just figured as long as their son stayed a “confirmed bachelor,” no one would know the family’s “sinful secret.”
The few times we’ve been with them for big family functions, my mother- and father-in-law have been friendly with me, but cold with their son. It hurts us both, but I figure that as long as they don’t freeze me out, there’s hope that in time they’ll come more around and stop treating their son so hurtfully.
He wants to cut them off completely since they seem to be attempting to do that to him, but I say keep the delicate lines of communication open.
Who is right here? --- DON’T CLOSE THE DOOR
DEAR DON’T CLOSE THE DOOR: I’m with you in keeping the lines of communication open, even if it has to be through you as moderator. It always bothers me when I hear about situations where both sides give up on each other and can’t be bothered to even try.
That your husband’s parents are cordial to you gives me hope that in time there’ll be a better relationship between parents and son. They may never be fully accepting of his choices, and he no doubt has a lot of hurt to work through, but at least there might eventually be a chance of restoring some kind of cordial family ties one day.