DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have always had at least one dog in my life. Right now I have a lab and a dachshund, which is a funny, but very gentle, loving pair of best friends.

I have a new friend I made through my book club. She is new to the area and we really hit it off. On the evenings when the club meets some of us continue hanging out even after the official meetings by going for coffee or occasionally a drink.

The more time I spend with this woman, the more we discover we have in common. Like me, she is from the Midwest, went to school for healthcare management, and is taking time off to be home with her baby.

What I also found out about her is that she is terrified of dogs — any dogs. She had a bad experience with a neighbor’s dog attacking her when she was a child, and she has more than the scars you can see on her arm and leg from the experience.

I desperately want to move this new friendship forward, but it feels so one-sided when she has my daughter and me over to her place, as she has done for lunch a few times, but she has told me she can’t even be in a house where there are dogs, even if they’re secured nowhere near where we would be with our babies. I want to be able to repay her hospitality, and let our kids play in our playroom and in our backyard.

She is fine with the one-sided visits, and I always bring something for everyone to eat, but as much as I understand she had a bad time when she was small, I have trouble not taking it a little bit personally, and thinking she may just be using her fear of dogs as an excuse to not come to my home. We live in what’s considered the far edge of the city, and it isn’t as upscale as where she lives, but how much should I press her to come out my way, or do I just leave it go? --- IS IT ONLY MY DOGS?

DEAR IS IT ONLY MY DOGS?: I’ve known several people who have a true, deep-rooted fear of dogs. Like with your new friend, there’s usually a backstory of a traumatic experience that makes it impossible for them to be comfortable around dogs, even of the most gentle and non-threatening nature.

Given what I’ve seen in those with this phobia, I don’t believe you should doubt the sincerity of your friend’s claim that she can’t be anywhere near dogs. So long as it’s giving you and your children time together, then why not continue meeting at her home for now?

You might also explore some other options that possibly would work for you both. While parks or playgrounds aren’t the best bets because of the high likelihood of dogs being present, perhaps you could agree on locations such as shopping malls or local rec centers, where the possibility of running into dogs is more remote. Since these days, anywhere you go has a chance of being more pet-friendly than it used to be, doing a little reconnoitering of alternatives on your own seems like a good idea.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Two years ago, my grandfather decided to give each of his six grandchildren a big screen TV. At the time, I was still in the service, living in the barracks, and didn’t have any place to put a big TV. Also at the time, my mother said maybe her dad would just give me the cash equivalent, to be fair. But he didn’t, and now that I’m out and have an apartment big enough for a nice screen, he has never offered to get one for me.

I don’t like feeling resentful, especially over “things,” but does it seem fair to you that I got left out of the gift-giving? It feels weird to talk to my grandfather about this, but I feel like I have to clear the air with him. --- NO TV FOR ME

DEAR NO TV FOR ME: It is an awkward situation, but you don’t know that your grandfather doesn’t have something else in mind to make things more equitable for you. And, even if he isn’t thinking along those lines at this time, it doesn’t mean he loves or values you any less than his other grandchildren.

Speaking to him about the omission would possibly come off as whiney at the least, and confrontational at the worst, and everyone suffers in that scenario.

At this point, try giving him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t forget you.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend and I have been living together for nearly two years now, and in all that time, I don’t remember a single time she cleaned the kitchen or either of the bathrooms. She seems oblivious to the mold and built-up grime that I can’t not see. What ends up happening every time is that I do the cleaning because I can’t stand it anymore.

Sometimes I think she is taking advantage, and sometimes I think she truly just doesn’t see it. I’ve been to her dad’s house, and it is disgusting, versus her mom’s which is clean and all in order.

Do I believe my girlfriend just takes after her dad and doesn’t get it, or am I being conned into doing all the work? --- THE CLEAN ONE

DEAR THE CLEAN ONE: Some people truly do seem to be clueless about cleanliness, or at least have very different standards than other people. However, even if she truly doesn’t see the need to clean, she still has a responsibility to help be sure your shared living space stays livable.

Since her mom maintains her home in good order, it makes me think your girlfriend may have not been involved in keeping it that way when she still lived with her mom.

Time for that to change. It’s going to be up to you to open the conversation about how to divvy up the cleaning responsibilities if you’re going to make a go of living together, and not sour the relationship with the kind of resentments that can grow out of feeling like only one partner’s doing all the work needed to make a home.