life

Second-Year Teacher Has Helicopter Parent Cousin's Kid in Class

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | September 21st, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: This is only my second year as an elementary school teacher. Last year was as stressful an introduction to my new profession as I thought it could be. Then this year started, and it has already put a good bit of strain on me because, among other things, one of my students is my first cousin’s oldest child, which wouldn’t be so bad if his mother wasn’t a first-class helicopter mom. My cousin is pretty chill, but his wife is a mess when it comes to their kids.

Since we’re only a couple of weeks into the new school year, it’s still possible for me to ask for a student switch, using the family connection as a potential conflict of interest. But I’m guessing that won’t fly for two reasons — last year one of the fifth grade teachers had her own kid in her class, and I know my cousin’s wife would hold it against me forever as a rejection of her child if I did the switch, which it truly would not be.

I feel caught here, because I think no matter how I interact with my new student, it’s going to be judged and potentially misread by my cousin’s wife.

Which do you see as the lesser of two evil — keep my young cousin in class, or ask for the transfer? --- CONFOUNDED COUSIN

DEAR CONFOUNDED COUSIN: You may see yourself as being in a bit of a pickle, but I see it as an opportunity to hone some invaluable skills that should serve you well for the rest of your teaching career. I’d be willing to bet that your cousin’s wife isn’t going to be the only overly involved parent you’ll be dealing with this year, and you can’t transfer all their children out to another class. A second possible complication you’ll be facing with a relative on your roster is that some fellow students and their parents may accuse you of favoritism, which is something I’m sure you’ve also thought about, and will encounter as long as you’re teaching.

Being accused of favoritism and dealing with hovering parents come with the territory; and learning early on in your career how best to deal with both elements of your job will hopefully make you a better teacher.

If you feel you’d benefit from some specific guidance, perhaps your school’s administrators could either work with you directly or assign you a mentor to help get you over some of these rough patches. From what I’ve heard, this is a fairly common practice for rookie teachers, and since last year was hardly a standard introduction to running your own classroom, it seems entirely reasonable to ask for some direction from those who’ve already been where you are today, starting with your fifth grade teacher colleague with her own kid in her class.

Work & School
life

LW Tries to Comfort Friend Who Recently Lost Mother to Suicide

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | September 17th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was about to graduate college, my grandfather committed suicide. He had been diagnosed with inoperable cancer and couldn’t face what his last few months would be.

At the time, his suicide was much more devastating to our family than his diagnosis had been. My mother took it especially hard, thinking she could have and should have done something to prevent it.

Last month, the mother of a good friend of mine took her own life. She had a history of severe depression and some personal circumstances pushed her over the edge. She left a letter asking her family to forgive her and not blame themselves. She said she had thought about doing this many times over the years and was just waiting for her family to be grown-up and living their own lives to act on it.

My friend is now deeply depressed. Like my mother, she said she should have seen it coming and done something. She is supposed to be getting married in the fall, and now is thinking she ought to delay the wedding, which I believe would be a mistake.

I’ve tried to console and counsel her, since I too had to face having a loved one kill themselves, but she keeps telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about. A grandfather isn’t a mother. An old sick man isn’t a healthy middle-aged woman. When I gently reminded her her mother wasn’t entirely healthy, she just got madder at me.

I know I can help my friend, but at this point I don’t know how. Everything I say seems to just make her madder and sadder. What else can I do? --- NEED TO HELP MY FRIEND

DEAR NEED TO HELP MY FRIEND: For now, rather than trying to treat her, you should just be her friend. Listen to what she has to say and be as available as possible to her when she wants to talk to you. By keeping close, you can better be on the lookout for signs of worsening depression.

If you see any, you should alert someone else in her family and/or circle of close friends. Together or individually, in addition to being there for her, you might convince her to seek professional grief counseling or other behavioral health services.

DeathMental Health
life

BF's Inability to Sleep Without TV Means Less Sleep for GF

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | September 16th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend has this thing about not being able to fall asleep at night without the TV on. He is a paramedic and sees some truly bad stuff on a daily basis. So, I can get how the TV playing helps him fall asleep because it helps block out the thoughts that otherwise keep him awake. But what works for him, makes it hard for me to fall or stay asleep.

I have tried different things to block out the TV, including buying a $70 pair of noise cancelling earbuds and a couple different sleep masks. I find both the earbuds and the masks uncomfortable to sleep with, so I gave up using them.

I love my boyfriend and want to spend as much time with him as I can, but how do we get around this difference in what we need to sleep? --- NEED SOME SLEEP

DEAR NEED SOME SLEEP: I know a few people who, like your boyfriend, use the TV to help them fall asleep. Perhaps your boyfriend could explore alternate ways to block his busy mind when it’s bedtime.

For instance, if he hasn’t yet, he could try listening to music or reading something not connected to his job. There are studies that suggest exercising later in the day helps facilitate dozing off at bedtime. If his TV has a sleep timer, setting it may help you both get better sleep if it turns off after he’s dozed off. His being the one to use Bluetooth earbuds or headphones to listen to whatever he’s watching might at least eliminate one of the issues causing you to lose sleep.

There are many tried-and-true ways to ease people into sleep. It will likely take some experimentation to find something you can both live with — and successfully sleep to.

Physical HealthLove & Dating

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