DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter, who along with our grandson, lives with us, just told us she is expecting, and under other circumstances, we would be thrilled.
Unfortunately, the man who got her pregnant is the same one who cheated on her, basically threw her and her three-year-old son (not his) out of his house so he could, “Be free to explore other options,” and one time left our little grandson locked up in a dog crate so he could take a shower, and later laughed about it when he told our daughter and some of his friends.
Our daughter told us she and our grandson will be moving back in with her ex before the new baby arrives.
Not only do we fear for our daughter, but we know how this man is with a toddler. What will he be like with a newborn? What do we say to our daughter to keep her from moving back in with this loser? --- WORRIED PARENTS/grandPARENTS
DEAR WORRIED PARENTS/grandPARENTS: I’m guessing that your daughter is a legal adult. As such, she’s free to make her own decisions regarding herself and her children.
That said, as parents and grandparents, you’re entitled to your opinions and beliefs. Being a dad means infinitely more than fathering a child, and it doesn’t sound like your daughter’s boyfriend currently shows much promise of being a competent and trustworthy caregiver. Based on his history as a babysitter, I think you need to openly share your doubts with your daughter about how physically and emotionally safe she, your grandson, and future grandchild would be in this man’s home.
Hopefully, appealing to her as a mother responsible for the wellbeing of her children will give her second thoughts about the suitability of her proposed return to his place. Also, if her continuing to stay at your home is something you’re willing and able to offer, I would certainly try to make that as appealing an option as possible, at least for the time being.