DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter, who along with our grandson, lives with us, just told us she is expecting, and under other circumstances, we would be thrilled.

Unfortunately, the man who got her pregnant is the same one who cheated on her, basically threw her and her three-year-old son (not his) out of his house so he could, “Be free to explore other options,” and one time left our little grandson locked up in a dog crate so he could take a shower, and later laughed about it when he told our daughter and some of his friends.

Our daughter told us she and our grandson will be moving back in with her ex before the new baby arrives.

Not only do we fear for our daughter, but we know how this man is with a toddler. What will he be like with a newborn? What do we say to our daughter to keep her from moving back in with this loser? --- WORRIED PARENTS/grandPARENTS

DEAR WORRIED PARENTS/grandPARENTS: I’m guessing that your daughter is a legal adult. As such, she’s free to make her own decisions regarding herself and her children.

That said, as parents and grandparents, you’re entitled to your opinions and beliefs. Being a dad means infinitely more than fathering a child, and it doesn’t sound like your daughter’s boyfriend currently shows much promise of being a competent and trustworthy caregiver. Based on his history as a babysitter, I think you need to openly share your doubts with your daughter about how physically and emotionally safe she, your grandson, and future grandchild would be in this man’s home.

Hopefully, appealing to her as a mother responsible for the wellbeing of her children will give her second thoughts about the suitability of her proposed return to his place. Also, if her continuing to stay at your home is something you’re willing and able to offer, I would certainly try to make that as appealing an option as possible, at least for the time being.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We have a three bedroom apartment. We sleep in one bedroom. We keep the second for guests, and the smallest was set up as a gaming room for my husband. I keep very few things in the closet there, and he has the entire rest of the space to himself. It’s where we have our second biggest TV and a special expensive gaming chair for him. It’s also large enough for him to have a second player in the room with him.

What I don’t get is why he has to take over our living room as well. I know he likes the bigger 4K screen. He puts on his headphones, so I don’t have to listen to the games, but I find it distracting with him shouting at the screen or having conversations with other remote players. It also prevents me from being able to enjoy some time watching my favorite shows and movies while hanging out in the living room.

When I say something to him, he kind of laughs it off. I am not sure he gets how much this sometimes bothers me. I’ve gone so far as to disconnect things “accidentally” when I am cleaning, which also doesn’t seem to make a difference to him.

I do not want to be a b about this, but I want to enjoy some downtime in our living room too.

Why won’t he get the hints, even when they are more than hints? --- GAMER’S WIFE

DEAR GAMER’S WIFE: Your husband may see his being in the living room the same time as you are as a way to simultaneously be with you and enjoy his gaming.

Perhaps you’ve been a little too subtle about wanting your turn to enjoy your big screen and the room where it sits. The time may have come to sit down with your husband and establish a clear schedule for when you’d like to have your screen time. It doesn’t seem unreasonable, especially since he has a designated area for his gaming. It would probably also help if you don’t attempt to ban him from pursuing his hobby outside of his gaming room. Compromise is key in most aspects of living with someone, and since it sounds like you don’t have a problem with him occasionally commandeering the common space, why not let him?

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Even though it happened over eight years ago, I still blame myself in part for my cousin’s death. We were super close growing up, but once we were both in college we did not see each other as often, more like just around holidays and at family events.

When he was in his junior year and living abroad, he died of alcohol poisoning. The local police ruled it accidental, but I know he had been really down over a breakup and missing home. And that is the problem. What if it was suicide? I knew he was having a rough time, and I did not do anything beyond indirectly telling his dad about it when I saw him on a visit home. It was a week before the death, and I knew my cousin was hurting and acting kind of off. At the time, or at least what I remember, his parents were a little concerned, but he had always bounced back from breakups in the past, and they thought he would pull himself out of his sadness again this time.

I cannot stop thinking that if I had done more, even if I had been more forceful about my worries with my uncle, my cousin might still be here. I miss him still and my guilt about not helping him makes it worse.

How do I get past the guilt? --- THINK i COULD HAVE SAVED HIM

DEAR THINK I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM: When someone dies under circumstances like your cousin did, it’s bound to haunt the survivors. All the “could’ve should’ve would’ve” speculations and regrets may not be avoidable, but they also do nothing to help anyone in the end.

Allow yourself to grieve for your lost cousin, without holding yourself responsible for his loss. Accidental overdoses are more common than any of us want to think.

Please consider pursuing grief counseling as soon as you can. I’ve seen the lasting effects on those who’ve had to deal with similar deaths, and such pain can lead to deep, lifelong scarring.