life

Dad Disappointed in Daughter's Choices

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 20th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and dad split when I was really young, and my dad moved away and started a new family. My mom raised my brother and me mostly on her own, although my dad always supported us financially, including paying for college.

He wanted us both to become lawyers, like him, which suited my brother, but not me. I am working on my master’s in social work, and while I am paying for that myself, my dad always makes sure he lets me know what a mistake he thinks I’m making. He tells me I could do more good in the world by being a state’s attorney, or even working as a public defender, if I want to be of use to others. He thinks I am throwing away a good mind on a mediocre career.

I am perfectly happy with the path I’m taking. I can think of no better way to serve my community than the one I’ve chosen, regardless of what my father thinks.

Why can’t he lay off his criticism and just support my goals? --- NOT MY FATHER

DEAR NOT MY FATHER: It’s hard to be a parent and not have a vision for how you think your child’s life should or could go.

You’re following your own dreams, in your own way, and as I see it, the best you can do for now is to continue reminding your father of that. He’s perhaps been very happy with his career choices, and now you need to affirm that you’ve found what you believe will make you equally happy, and that you have the same right as he did to make your own way in the field of your choosing.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Wife's Constant Need to Remodel Exhausts Husband

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 16th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Since moving into our house less than five years ago, we have repainted our living room/dining room, kitchen, and lower half bath twice each. We have also arranged and rearranged the furniture in every room at least five times. Nothing seems to satisfy my wife, who is good about not always spending money besides for paint, but can’t seem to be happy with even her own redesigns.

I am glad my wife has what my mother keeps calling “house pride”, but it gets to be a lot, especially since the painting eats up so much of our weekend time. It’s like it’s a hobby or something for my wife, but I would like to get other things done, not just around the house.

When is enough redecorating enough? --- NO MORE PAINTING, PLEASE

DEAR NO MORE PAINTING, PLEASE: Have you let your wife know you’re burning out on the updates? She may think this is something you enjoy to the same extent as she apparently does.

One suggestion would be to tell her how much you like the current configuration, and that you just want to enjoy it for a while.

Another idea is to help her explore different ways to channel her creative energy. It could still be home-related, such as some decorative art or craft that she could explore, which would likewise enhance the look of your home, without redoing rooms every few months.

Marriage & Divorce
life

LW Disagrees with Having Children at Viewings and Funerals

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 15th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was raised in a time when children, for the most part, didn’t attend wakes or burials. I wasn’t at my own grandmother’s, which took place when I was ten. I didn’t go to a wake until I was nearly graduated from high school, and it was the grandmother of my best friend.

I have been at several wakes in the past few years where children of all ages were present. I’m not sure how I feel about this. My gut tells me children may find it all frightening, especially seeing someone they know laid out in a casket.

Am I just old-fashioned? --- NOT SURE IF IT’S RIGHT

DEAR NOT SURE IF IT’S RIGHT: I don’t think you’re particularly old-fashioned, but rather have opinions formed by the practices you grew up with.

Whether or not it’s a good idea to have children at a viewing or funeral is a subject best dealt with by the child’s immediate family, who hopefully know the child best.

There are also cultural issues that come into play. Some traditions are more inclusive than others when it comes to the rituals of death, and provide guidelines for families to follow.

Personally, I believe children above a certain age should be permitted to attend viewings and funerals if they choose and if there are not strong parental objections. It’s an opportunity to both bid farewell to a loved one, and to begin grasping the concept that death is a natural part of life.

Family & ParentingDeath

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