life

Mom Never Can Get the Names Right

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 16th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother has always been bad at names, and I just thought that’s the way she is. Now, I am not always sure it’s because she really can’t get the names of my friends straight, or she just doesn’t give enough of a s__t to try.

Why doesn’t she even seem to make an effort? --- IT’S NOT THAT HARD

DEAR IT’S NOT THAT HARD: As someone who, like your mother, is not good at remembering names, I ask you to please consider cutting her a little slack, especially if she hasn’t met some of the people you’re talking about.

I get your frustration, but unless you have any reason to believe she is purposely getting names wrong out of malice or simply to annoy you, maybe you could try slipping in small hints about your friends to help her keep them in context, which might result in their names sticking a bit better. For instance, “Jay, my friend from work,” or “Stacy from my hiking group” might be worth a try.

Family & Parenting
life

Neighbors Go to Strange Lengths to Block Out Family Next-Door

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 12th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We bought our house from an elderly couple who rarely used their back yard, and certainly were not at all noisy.

Here we come with a teen and two tweens. One set of our new neighbors treats us like invaders. First they put up opaque side panels on their back deck, just on the side of our house. Next came the 6 foot stockade fence right behind the existing chain link one, also facing our property.

The latest attempt to pretend we don’t exist was the painting — yes, painting — of all the windows on the side of the house that faces ours.

It isn’t like we have young children screaming around the yard. We moved in late last summer, right before school started, and we have not had so much as an extended family cookout. It’s just our three kids, my husband and me, and we’re barely outside, especially since the weather turned cold.

I haven’t done more than attempt to exchange brief, cordial greetings with these people, who appear to be roughly the same age as my husband and me, yet we’re made to feel like we’re sleeper agents or lepers or something else that’s as unwanted as can be.

We’ve done nothing to these people, so why should we be treated like this? --- DON’T LIKE THE TREATMENT

DEAR DON’T LIKE THE TREATMENT: The neighbor-proofing is all the information you need to know you’re not living next-door to the friendly, outgoing type. I find the window-painting weird and over-the-top, but if it makes them happy, so be it.

These people are clearly not revving up the welcome wagon, so I’d stop taking it personally and chalk it up to their strange preferences, not anything your family brought to the block.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Dad Not Thrilled Over Daughter's Deadbeat Boyfriend Moving In

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 11th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter works hard to have a nice life and has supported herself since before she graduated college. She is a bright young woman, but like so many others I have known, she has desperately bad taste in men.

Her current boyfriend, who works very parttime, just moved in with her. She owns her own condo, so there’s no rent, but there is a mortgage and all the expenses of owning a home.

I try to be pleasant to this guy, but my son told me the boyfriend was “joking” about how he not only found a sweet girl, but also a “sweet ride.” Both my son and I interpret that to mean this young man is a gigolo-in-the-making, and my daughter is his first target.

I have a good relationship with my daughter, but I cannot imagine she would take well to my telling, or even suggesting, that her boyfriend is using her.

Do I risk saying something or just do the non-interfering dad act forever? --- THE GUY’S A BUM

DEAR THE GUY’S A BUM: Don’t you hate this part of parenthood — the having to zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket? But it may not do much for you or the present situation to openly object to your daughter’s boyfriend becoming her live-in. You might venture a polite inquiry into what material support she expects from her new roommate, such as will he be pitching in on any of the regular expenses or maintenance chores. But you know your daughter best, and if you’re of the opinion even general questions will cause problems, then it might not be a bad idea to put it off for a bit and see how the new living arrangement shakes out. It’s entirely possible there’re no issues your daughter can see, at least for now, but that could change over time.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting

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