life

Dad Not Thrilled Over Daughter's Deadbeat Boyfriend Moving In

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 11th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter works hard to have a nice life and has supported herself since before she graduated college. She is a bright young woman, but like so many others I have known, she has desperately bad taste in men.

Her current boyfriend, who works very parttime, just moved in with her. She owns her own condo, so there’s no rent, but there is a mortgage and all the expenses of owning a home.

I try to be pleasant to this guy, but my son told me the boyfriend was “joking” about how he not only found a sweet girl, but also a “sweet ride.” Both my son and I interpret that to mean this young man is a gigolo-in-the-making, and my daughter is his first target.

I have a good relationship with my daughter, but I cannot imagine she would take well to my telling, or even suggesting, that her boyfriend is using her.

Do I risk saying something or just do the non-interfering dad act forever? --- THE GUY’S A BUM

DEAR THE GUY’S A BUM: Don’t you hate this part of parenthood — the having to zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket? But it may not do much for you or the present situation to openly object to your daughter’s boyfriend becoming her live-in. You might venture a polite inquiry into what material support she expects from her new roommate, such as will he be pitching in on any of the regular expenses or maintenance chores. But you know your daughter best, and if you’re of the opinion even general questions will cause problems, then it might not be a bad idea to put it off for a bit and see how the new living arrangement shakes out. It’s entirely possible there’re no issues your daughter can see, at least for now, but that could change over time.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Gun Found in Closet Frightens Mother of Young Child

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 9th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been seeing someone for the past few weeks and things seemed to be going well until I found a gun locked up in his closet when he asked me to get something down from the top shelf. He told me it’s registered, has a gun lock on it, and he has taken firearm safety training.

That’s all good, I suppose, but it still makes me feel uneasy, and I told him I won’t let my three-year-old daughter come over to his place as long as the gun is there.

Am I overreacting? --- DON’T LIKE GUNS

DEAR DON’T LIKE GUNS: For all the precautions your friend appears to be taking to keep the gun safely stowed away, it’s ultimately up to you to do what you believe is in the best interest of your daughter and yourself. If you’re not comfortable spending time with your child at your new friend’s home, why not try finding other places where you can all get to know each other better, and see how things go from there.

Love & Dating
life

Dad's Biker Dreams Concern Daughter

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 5th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I don’t get why my father, who is in his late 50s, wants to get a motorcycle and come the spring, do a cross-country trip. Both his girlfriend and my mom (divorced from my dad for nearly 10 years) are also worried, but my boyfriend, who has his own bike, openly encourages him, and that has caused more than one fight between us.

I honestly think my dad is going through some kind of mid-life crisis. His older brother had a cancer scare last year, and now, it seems like my dad is convinced he is next and will not be so lucky.

I can’t support my dad’s decision on this, and we argue whenever it comes up. I know I could just avoid seeing him for awhile, but we are close and that would be hard on us both.

What argument can we possibly make, other than that we love him and think this is a bad idea, which so far does not seem to be enough to convince him what a bad idea this is? --- DAREDEVIL’S DAUGHTER

DEAR DAREDEVIL’S DAUGHTER: You and some others in his life have already tried to dissuade your dad from his biker dreams.

It seems to me the best tact to take now is to avoid fighting with him about it and see what happens. This could all be a lot of something for nothing, and if it does come to pass, your father is an adult and has the right to make his own decisions, no matter how much you disagree with their soundness.

AgingHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting

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