life

Policeman's Child Faces Harassment

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 17th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My dad has been a cop since before I was born. He even met my mom while responding to a robbery. He is well-liked and respected on the force and in the community where he serves. He is truly one of the best guys I know.

It just kills me that he and all the other good cops are getting lumped in with the bad ones, and my dad is the first to admit there are some bad cops out there. Over the years, he has gotten kind of used to being put down because of his profession.

What’s happening now is I am getting heat from friends on-line (never to my face), about how can I stand being a cop’s daughter. And many of these comments come from people who know my dad. Some have even either been helped by him or had family members helped by him. The saddest thing of all may be that whenever I say anything in support of my dad, not just cops in general, I get attacked. It hurts, and I am ready to drop off social media altogether.

I don’t want to get into arguments with people over this, but their blindness gets me. Should I fight back? --- A COP’S DAUGHTER

DEAR A COP’S DAUGHTER: My guess is that your fighting back will do little or nothing to change the opinions of people who have already made up their minds. This is an issue that’s held an intensely high-profile and often one-sided place in the media for decades.

It may be a losing battle, but if you want to stand up for your dad, you could try reminding your friends — especially the ones who personally know him — that, like your father, there are still plenty of other good, decent men and women doing a largely thankless job, which happens to also be an increasingly dangerous one.

While it might not convert anyone, it could at least give you some relief and maybe, just maybe, make the generalizers think twice before they post again; and if the negativity stays at a high level, you could certainly do worse than taking yourself out of the social media loop for a bit.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Mom's Secretive Ways Concern Daughter

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 13th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother used to get really frustrated by the way her mom kept all her business to herself. When Gran died, it was a mess to get things straightened out, and Mom ended up having to hire an estate lawyer to get everything figured out.

My mother is becoming just like Gran. She and my dad divorced when I was still a baby, so everything that Mom has built for herself has nothing to do with him.

My mom is now retired, and her health is not too good. She isn’t in any immediate danger, but that could change quickly. My brother and I have tried to get her to let us know at least where she keeps her important documents, but she doesn’t trust even us.

We aren’t looking to take anything from her, just to be sure we understand both all her wishes and what would need to be done if she’s no longer able to manage her personal affairs.

What can we do to convince her we’re not trying to get away with anything, just to make life easier for everyone, and actually be able to help her out if the time comes when she needs us to do that? --- DAUGHTER OF A SECRETIVE ONE

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A SECRETIVE ONE: I agree it’s important for you and your brother to have at least a sense of your mom’s wishes and financial affairs.

Perhaps you could work towards having her meet with the lawyer she hired for her mom’s estate. At least, you would know who is advising her on her business and personal financial holdings. That knowledge alone could be valuable in the future.

DeathFamily & Parenting
life

Year-Round Allergy-Sufferer Faces Challenges

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 12th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Like most of the rest of my family, I have what are called perennial allergies, meaning at any time of the year and in a whole lot of different settings, I can start to sneeze or cough. Of course, these days, this is not a good thing, and although I am always masked when out in public and sneeze or cough into my elbow (not always too pleasant with a mask on), I still get dirty looks and have had some people say really rude things to me about not caring about the health of others. When I explain it’s only allergies, they sometimes back off, but far from always.

It’s gotten to the point where if I start to feel a reaction coming on, I drop whatever I’m doing and get out to my car, or don’t even bother leaving the house, which sometimes means I don’t get to a grocery store or the pharmacy, which I sometimes really need to get to to pick up things for my dad and his roommate, neither of who are supposed to be going out and around.

Is it even worth defending myself? --- NOT FREE TO SNEEZE

DEAR NOT FREE TO SNEEZE: I truly feel for you, since I too come from a family of year-round allergy-sufferers.

Since it really isn’t always practical or necessary to remain locked away, if you need to get out to run errands, especially for those who are more vulnerable than you, I think the best you can do is to continue to excuse your allergies, and just accept you’ll be doubted. You can’t change people’s mindsets, but you can, and should, get on with your life so long as you are healthy and can do so safely.

COVID-19Physical Health

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