life

LW Not Good at Telling Between Flirting and Friendliness

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 10th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My friends are always telling me some guy, or another is flirting with me, but I truly think they’re just being friendly. I think I’m decent-looking, but certainly not a guy magnet.

I work in the front office of a large car dealership, and there is no shortage of mechanics and salesmen, who some of my officemates definitely flirt with. I can tell that easily enough. But I do not get the sense they are making moves on me.

Is there something wrong with me that I can’t see what other people seem to see? --- NO FLIRT

DEAR NO FLIRT: I’ve known people who think everyone’s flirting with them, and others, like you, who haven’t a clue when they really are being flirted with.

Consider yourself lucky to fall into the second category. Rather than always being on the lookout for a guy, you’re likely good at dealing with men on a wider variety of levels than someone solely focused on a romantic or sexual connection.

As a result, you may find you’re the kind of person who can have real friendships with both men and women, and I think that’s a good thing. If any of the friendships take a romantic turn, at least you’ll have had an opportunity to build a solid relationship first, based on more than just physical attraction.

Love & Dating
life

Son Wonders at Late Father's Varied Personalities

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 6th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My father wasn’t an easy man to get along with — at least if you were related to him. He had a bad temper and a short fuse, and almost no filters at all. Yet when he died, all my sisters and I heard about was what a great guy he was, rock of the community and all that. We couldn’t believe they were talking about the same man we knew, and instead of being the comfort other people meant it to be, it just hurt us to know that there was some other guy out there who never showed this incredible side to us.

I am trying to get over this, but am not sure I can. I know you’re supposed to forgive the dead and everything, but the life we and my mom lived with my father was sometimes hard to forgive or forget.

Am I holding a now petty grudge? --- WHO WAS THIS MAN?

DEAR WHO WAS THIS MAN?: The longer you live, the more you’ll realize a completely consistent person is a rare find. Most of us have separate expectations from those closest to us than we have for the people outside our tightest circle. We also tend to develop a variety of personalities to deal with the wide range of situations we face throughout our lives. Your sisters and you may do the same thing without even realizing it, and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Different circumstances call for different responses.

Hopefully, in time you’ll learn to forgive your dad for the man he was at home. In his mind, he may have been doing the best he could, and his lasting lesson to you and your sisters may be to remember to save at least some of the best of yourselves for those you love most.

DeathFamily & Parenting
life

Nervous Response Lands LW in Hot Water

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 5th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have a history of nervous laughter that goes back to when I was at least in high school, if not earlier. My mom doesn’t remember exactly when it started, but she had me checked out by the family doctor, who sent me for therapy when it started happening more often by the time I was a sophomore in high school.

Last month I got to meet my fiancé’s family for the first time, and even though I used all my usual coping techniques, I still had a couple of bursts of what I am sure came off as inappropriate laughter. I got “the look” from his mother and her sister.

I got along with everyone for the most part, buy my fiancé did take me aside and told me that there was some talk about whether or not I’m a “little off”. Even though he stood up for me and explained about my issue, they still treated me differently after the two incidents.

What do I do to convince my future in-laws that I’m not “out there”? --- SOMETIMES I CAN’T HELP IT

DEAR SOMETIMES I CAN’T HELP IT: I think a lot of us at one time or another experience a case of nerves that touches off an unusual reaction, so you’re far from alone in that.

While it’s good your fiancé did his best to explain the situation, it might be even better for you to reach out directly to at least your future mother-in-law to provide your side of the story, including cluing her in on some of the strategies you use to control your nervous laughter.

It sounds like you’ve worked hard to manage your condition, and educating your future in-laws about both your challenges and what they can do to help support your efforts might go a long way once you’re part of their family.

Love & Dating

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