DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter and her husband are the most competitive couple I know. They always have been, at least since they started dating in their senior year of college. Both were into sports, her softball and him baseball; he did footballs, she did field hockey. He grew up in rec leagues, on travel teams, and playing varsity in high school, just like our daughter.

Even now, although they work in very different fields, they have to one-up the other when it comes time for advancements or recognitions.

To me it seems like insecurity, but I’ve never been very competitive. How can two people with such competitive streaks make a successful marriage? It has me worried since it doesn’t look like this is something that becoming an adult changed for either of them. --- NOT A COMPETITOR

DEAR NOT A COMPETITOR: Competition seems to be one of those ingredients that can either strengthen a relationship if both parties are working toward a common goal, or put stress on it if they’re forever trying to top each other. When your daughter and son-in-law were in school and competing in separate sports, it was one thing. Now they’re competing in life with each other, and that holds the potential for trouble ahead.

It could be time to talk to them about your concerns. They may need to be given a little push to step back and see what they’re doing in the marriage. Like many former athletes, they might not be aware that they’re approaching life like it’s a championship. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s also not necessarily a healthy thing for a couple when they’re each other’s rival.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I work in what most people would consider a downbeat field. The way most people understand what we do is when I say we’re the real life “Sunshine Cleaners”. There are three teams that get dispatched to take care of homes and businesses either where something horrible has happened, been lived in by hoarders or old people who have died or been moved to nursing homes, or there’s been bad water, fire, or smoke damage.

When people call in for our services, they are often at a real low point, and so we treat them with care and respect.

The new employee has started like all of the rest of us did, manning the phones and getting to know about dispatching, billing, and supplies management while she takes the training our company requires before sending anyone out on a job.

She is a fast learner, and seems both smart and friendly, all of which make her a good addition to the company. The problem is, she is so cheerful and perky that it seems wrong to have all that brightness answering the phone and dealing with people in really rough shape.

I’ve said something about it to the boss, but since he’s happy to have someone who is so promising in every other way, he seems willing to overlook her perkiness, and will sometimes jump on the phones as soon as they ring so the current or potential clients don’t have to be greeted by all that sunshine.

Don’t you think it comes off as unprofessional to have so much upbeat energy coming at you when you’re in deep s

t or emotionally a wreck? --- NEED SUNGLASSES AT WORK

DEAR NEED SUNGLASSES AT WORK: That your boss steps in to grab the phones implies he’s aware some work could be needed in this area with the new staff member. So, if he’s not having trouble with her, and if she’s doing well otherwise, why not let him take care of it? He may be getting ready to move her on to responsibilities more suited to her sunny disposition.

I have to admit, though, I can’t help but wonder how she’ll do when faced with the more gruesome cleaning jobs if they’re in her future.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Whenever my mother comes for a visit she starts cleaning and it drives my wife bats--t. I really believe Mom only wants to help, and tries to do the kind of cleaning it’s hard for me and my wife to get to between work, taking classes, and two toddlers.

I have no problem with Mom helping out, and if I say anything like that to my wife, she thinks I’m siding with my mother in judging her housekeeping. My wife is one of the least lazy people I know, and I always tell her that, but once Mom’s around, it doesn’t matter what I say.

I feel caught in the middle and like it’s up to me to make peace before Mom’s next visit. Who do I work with more to make this happen, my mother or my wife? --- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: A word with both women might be your best bet.

You could remind your wife that your mother is truly just trying to help, not judge. Experienced parents usually recall how hard it was when their kids were little, and they were trying to stay on top of busy lives.

With your mother, perhaps you could let her know how your wife feels, and that the better approach might be for her to ask your wife what she’d like tackled on a particular visit. If the answer is not a thing, then encourage Mom to make the most of being with her grandkids and the rest of the family and leave the housework to you and your wife.