DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son is scheduled to leave the country for specialized training this fall, current circumstances permitting. I had told my son that since his lease is up in September anyway, if he needed to give up the apartment and leave his stuff with me while he is gone, I would be okay with it. I live alone and have plenty of space. I had also told him he could even crash here when he got back until he found a new apartment.

This was all discussed before his girlfriend moved in with him three months ago and was pregnant nearly immediately after that. It seems that the offer I made has been turned into his promise to his girlfriend that she would be able to stay with me and not be alone while he is gone, which he will be during the latter part of the pregnancy and up to the second month after delivery.

While I’m happy about the baby and really like my son’s girlfriend, this whole situation has put me on the spot. When I made the offer, I did not know this would turn into a double-package deal. I feel like I was not given a choice, but I also do not want to make things tougher for them.

I intend to let her stay, but should I make a big deal about how it all came about? --- SURPRISED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SURPRISED IN MICHIGAN: I don’t see any reason you can’t express your surprise at how things are turning out. So long as you’re going with the flow, then go with it, but don’t set yourself up for being a permanent pushover. What you may want to make very clear — if it’s the case — is that this is a temporary situation. It might not be that they’re taking advantage of you, but unless everyone’s on the same page from the get-go, trouble could pop up down the road.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Mom passed away last summer, and Dad asked me to help go through things so he can get the house ready to be put on the market. When I was helping him, I came across some old photos of my mom and another man posing together in wedding clothes.

I asked my dad about the pictures I found, but he said he did not want to talk about it. That it was my mother’s private story, and that I should not poke my nose into it.

I think that my mother’s being married to someone before my dad is a pretty big deal. I cannot believe I never knew about this, and when I spoke to my aunt, my mom’s sister, I got the same reaction as I did from my dad.

Do I let this story die with my mom? It hurts that my parents never trusted me with this information. What if I have a whole other family somewhere that I will never know about? --- DAUGHTER OF A SECRET KEEPER

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A SECRET KEEPER: It would probably be fairly easy to track down the records of a previous marriage, but it still may not provide all the answers you seek.

I get your curiosity and your hurt, but I also think you need to accept that, for whatever reason, this was part of her past your mother purposely chose not to share with you.

We all have our secrets, some of which we keep even from those we love best. It doesn’t mean your mother loved you and the life she built with your father any less than you always had reason to believe she did before your recent discovery.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have not had an easy life. Then, in 2017, I met my boyfriend, who was going through a divorce from his wife of 20 years, who was cheating on him. Nineteen months later my daughter and I moved in with him and his four children, ages 8-16, and I started running two completely different and demanding households. I continued to do everything I had been doing for my terminally ill dad, my brother with mental illness, my 80-year-old grandmother, and my drug-using uncle and his girlfriend. Now I was also caring for my boyfriend’s kids, along with my daughter. All of this work, and I was getting a check for a whopping $400 a month. But I felt okay about this because it covers just about exactly my nearly five-year-old daughter’s and my share of expenses.

On top of all this, I have been dealing with my boyfriend’s ex-wife, who has made my life even more stressful by making it clear she thinks I am a free-loader, and she has her kids thinking that way too.

This woman knows nothing bad about me other than that I’m not working 9-5, and that I come from a family riddled with troubles and despair, who I can’t turn my back on. She sees me as “the other woman,” even though I was not with my boyfriend until the divorce was nearly final.

After an encounter with her that ended with her telling me in public, in front of my brother and her youngest son, what a piece of garbage I am, I got home, and their boys screamed at me. I still can’t believe it. They said I had better watch my every move because she’ll be around, and that what I’ve got coming to me is on me.

Well, my dad died in December. And then the pandemic. I want to be happy. I love my boyfriend and his kids so much, even after all they’ve said to me. I know that’s not them. It’s HER.

My daughter loves them so much and they love her in return. I just wish their mother didn’t make it so hard. Nothing seems to work, and I don’t want to push them farther away. I want everyone to know they are loved. I sort of want to be loved too, or at the very least, not to feel hated, especially not for being something that I am not, lazy and a freeloader.

If this is how much work it takes to be a freeloader, I’m thinking I made a bad career move. What should I do? --- TRYING MY BEST

DEAR TRYING MY BEST: It’s because you care so deeply that what’s been happening is particularly hard on you. It’s always a sad thing when divorced parents use their kids as weapons, and that seems to be the case here.

You didn’t mention your boyfriend’s place in this acrimonious situation. If he isn’t supportive of you both with his kids and his ex, I’m not sure this is a battle you can win. Once perceptions are formed, it isn’t always possible to reverse them. In this case, your best tactic may be the one you’ve already been practicing — love the kids and offer them the same care and kindness you show your own daughter, and avoid speaking ill of their mother, no matter how tempting it is. Casually share some of your past challenges with at least the older children. Perhaps in time, they’ll mature enough to understand there are always more than two sides to every story, and that you are a loving person trying your best to do what you can for those about whom you care, which is one of the most important and often underrated jobs around.