life

Mom's Ex Makes Move on Daughter

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | June 11th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother dated this slightly younger guy for a few months. He was the one who broke it off, and right after that, he started Instagramming me a few times a day. I blocked him there, on my phone, then on Facebook and Twitter, but he keeps trying to get in touch with me anyway, now by sending me notes in the mail, which I toss out without opening.

This guy knows I have a boyfriend, but that doesn’t seem to make any difference to him. So far, he hasn’t tried showing up anywhere in person, but I figure that’s the next step.

Honestly, I don’t feel threatened by him, but I still haven’t told my mother about all this yet. I don’t want her to feel responsible in any way and I don’t want the possibility that he stopped seeing her so he could try for me to hurt her. He did that enough when he dumped her.

Am I wrong to keep this from her? --- TRYING TO SHAKE-OFF MOM’S EX

DEAR TRYING TO SHAKE-OFF MOM’S EX: You may not feel threatened by this guy, but I find it disturbing that he’s stalking you. Hopefully, you’ve clued your boyfriend and other friends into what’s happening.

I get that you don’t want to upset your mother, but I think that since this could become a safety issue, she should know what her ex has been up to. His ending the relationship may seem like a double-blessing when she finds out about his creeper factor.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Nasty In-laws Make Visiting Unbearable

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | June 9th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I grew up in a house where, while there were plenty of fights, there was also plenty of respect. My wife’s family isn’t at all like that. Her parents go at each other all the time, and when they’re not picking on each other, they turn their nastiness on others.

I’ve put up with it for years, but now I am to the point where I don’t want to go there, and I certainly don’t want our toddler going there. So far they’ve mostly left him alone, but I can see how tense even he gets whenever he’s around them.

I know my wife is very conflicted about this, because she’s a good person and wants to stay in touch with her parents. When our son and I are with her, it takes a little of the edge off the visit for her, which is what makes it so hard for me to tell her I don’t want to continue exposing our son to the nastiness in her parents’ house.

How can I break it to her I want out of the visits for myself and our son without putting even more on her? --- MY IN-LAWS ARE HORRIBLE

DEAR MY IN-LAWS ARE HORRIBLE: It’s unlikely your wife is unaware of how difficult it is to be with her parents, even if you’ve never openly discussed your feelings with her. She may be able to tolerate a toxic environment out of love for them, but it may be time to gently, yet firmly, let her know you believe it’s better for your young son to have limited exposure to such difficult people.

Your first duty is to your child, and hopefully you wife will agree and either visit her folks without you two along, or find ways to keep connected with them that don’t involve everyone having to be in the same place at the same time. Video chatting may be useful here, along with perhaps getting together with only one grandparent at a time, preferably in a public enough place to inspire less venom.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Son's Braless Girlfriend Causes Distraction

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | June 5th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son is with a bright and beautiful girl. However, her fashion sense is a bit off, and she tends to wear loose tops and no bra.

As a woman, I get it. I really do. I hate having to wear a bra, and I take mine off each day as soon as I can. The issue here is that our younger son and his father, my husband, find the look a little too fascinating, and it is so obvious. At times I am embarrassed for the girl.

Do I say something, or just let it go? --- BRA BELIEVER

DEAR BRA BELIEVER: Sometimes, even the bright and beautiful can be awfully unaware of their appearance. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and in this case, let’s say your son’s girlfriend isn’t aware of the effect her wardrobe, and lack of it, have on the males in your home.

It seems it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to say something to your son about how exposed to observation his young lady is. He can take it from there if he chooses, and if not, perhaps a word in the ears of the oglers might at least let them know how obvious they’re being in their admiration.

Etiquette & Ethics

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