Generous Grandma Covers Cost of Grandkids' Cell Service

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and dad started paying for my kids’ cell service back when they got their first cellphones and made it a family plan. My dad’s gone now, and my mother is on a pretty tight budget, but she still insists on paying for her grandkids’ service, even though she could save a bundle going to a single user plan. I keep telling her this, but she wants to do something to help her grandkids out. Only one of them is still in school. The others are working and fully able to pay for their own plans.

What can I say to convince her she doesn’t need to keep paying, especially since I said we would put our one kid who’s still a student on our plan? --- DAUGHTER OF A GENEROUS GRANDMA

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A GENEROUS GRANDMA: You do indeed have a generous mom. Her keeping the kids on the plan is certainly a gift to them, and saving money can be a good thing at any stage of life. However, I agree it’s entirely reasonable to expect at least the adult, non-student grandkids to cover their respective portions of the bill connected to their individual numbers. With the cost and complexity of services and plans changing all the time, it would help Grandma’s bottom line, while allowing her to feel she’s continuing to make a material contribution to her family.

If she won’t take cash payment from her grandchildren — and you on behalf of your student child — perhaps there are other ways she can be paid back, especially if any of you are local. For instance, you or your children could buy her groceries or treat her to outings or items her limited budget can’t easily afford.

LW Feels Guilty About Still Working

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: This will sound crazy, and my parents have already told me so, but I feel guilty about being the only one in my family still working fulltime. One of my sisters and my dad have had their hours cut, and my girlfriend has been collecting unemployment since the mall she worked at closed in March.

I am way grateful to still be working, but it is a strange feeling to be doing okay financially when so many of my friends and family members are struggling. I make enough to pay my bills, and help my girlfriend and family out in little ways, like with groceries and small bills, but it does not feel like it is much.

Am I nuts for feeling as if I am not doing enough to help or because I am doing well when so many are not? --- GUILTY GUY

DEAR GUILTY GUY: These past months have been strange and uncertain, and I think what you’re feeling may be a kind of survivor guilt. So many are struggling, but so are you in a way. You’re feeling the urge to help where you can, and that’s a good impulse. Still, you also have to give yourself a break and stop believing there’s something wrong with being in a better situation than many in your circle of family and friends.

Never feel bad about being the one who can assist others. Remember most of us need a little help from time to time. Right now, you’re the one in a position to do something for those you care about. In the future, it could very well be the other way around.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know there are millions of families all over the world who have had their lives disrupted by the pandemic one way or another. One way it has affected us is that it has meant that our oldest and our youngest may not get to have graduation ceremonies, at least not for months to come. Finishing college and high school on-line was strange and stressful, but they both were able to do it, and we’re proud of them.

This is certainly not the end of the world, I realize, especially with so many really suffering right now, but I was wondering if there is anything wrong with sending out graduation announcements when it is uncertain when, or if, there will be official graduations? --- MISSING THE CEREMONIES

DEAR MISSING THE CEREMONIES: Congratulations to your kids and everyone else who successfully finished their programs during these extraordinary times.

The past weeks and months have turned a lot of things upside down for nearly everyone, but I see no reason why you shouldn’t share some good news about your children, just as you would’ve done under less unusual circumstances. I’m guessing there are friends and family members who would enjoy an opportunity to celebrate, even virtually, a happy life event or two right about now.