DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My sister and I have always helped each other out ever since we were kids. Now that we’re both married and living near each other, she sometimes asks if I can watch her two kids, my seven-year-old niece and five-year-old nephew. Since my sister is now pregnant with number three, I think it’s important that I am available to support her.

The problem is, and an aunt maybe shouldn’t say this, but the two kids act like brats in public when they don’t get their way. My sister usually either ignores them or caves if it'll shut them up. I don’t think that’s the way to go, and when I try to hold firm and not give into their tantrums, I get dirty looks and nasty comments from other adults about how I can’t control “my kids.” It’s really to the point where I don’t want to take them out, but how does that help my sister?

I know eating out may not be an issue for a while yet, since our state is on carryout only (when you can find an open restaurant at all), but once things get back to normal, what do I do to get these kids to behave when we’re out? --- TRYING TO BE A GOOD AUNTIE

DEAR TRYING TO BE A GOOD AUNTIE: “Getting back to normal.” That sure sounds good to me!

Unfortunately, your sister has set the example of placating her children when they misbehave. They know they’ll get what they demand, and now they want to train you like they’ve trained their mother.

It isn’t your job to parent your niece and nephew, but you can be both the supportive sister and the good aunt if you set rules and expectations for how the kids are to behave when in your care. If they hit you with, “But our mom lets us,” your response is a firm, “I’m not your mom.”

Instilling a little good behavior in her children could be one of the best things you could do for your sister. Two kids are a hard job to begin with. Once it’s three against one, your sister won’t stand a chance.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter is an emergency room nurse in Florida. She has two small children and a husband, who is a high school biology teacher. While our son-in-law keeps us posted about what’s happening when our daughter can’t, we worry that if something happens to her, he won’t want to frighten us and we won’t know until things are really bad, and everything we see on the news only makes it worse.

We couldn’t be prouder of our daughter and all the medical people holding the front lines. But how do we convince our son-in-law that not only can we take the truth, but we need to hear it? --- PROUD BUT WORRIED IN OREGON

DEAR PROUD BUT WORRIED IN OREGON: I think it’s reasonable for you to openly share your feelings with both your daughter and her husband. It’s possible they need to hear directly from you how serious you are about wanting to be part of their lives, especially now. They may be hoping to shield you, not realizing that in some instances, the lack of reliable, first-hand reports can be worse than all the information overload to which we’re constantly exposed.

A Note from “Mom”

Like the parents in today’s letter, my family and I are proud of, and incredibly grateful to, all the men and women and their families, who are rising to the occasion and tending not only to COVID-19 victims, but to everyone else in need in our communities.

To the medical staff at all levels, first responders, public health workers, military personnel, essential retail employees, and everyone putting their own health and safety on the line to help keep the rest of us safe and well — thank you for all you do, and may God bless you and your efforts.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’m a proud Boomer who worked hard to establish myself in my field, being one of the first women at the company I helped build up from nearly the beginning. I’m still one of the only women partners, and I do whatever I can to bring young women onboard.

It truly irks me that my daughter is taking her husband’s name rather than keep her own, as I did when I married her father 33 years ago. It feels like a backslide. Am I wrong to be this upset? --- WOULDN’T GIVE UP MY NAME FOR ANY MAN

DEAR WOULDN’T GIVE UP MY NAME FOR ANY MAN: As I see it, your daughter has just as much right to change her name as you did to keep yours. Both are conscious decisions, and your respective prerogatives.

Some women split the difference and hyphenate their and their spouses’ surnames. Others keep their maiden name for professional purposes and adopt their spouse’s for their personal lives. I knew a female physician who went that route over 70 years ago, and it worked well for her.

Your daughter has chosen the most traditional option, and she deserves to be respected for her choice.