DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Starting in April, my wife and I will be living in Paris for 18 months for a project we’re working on for our business. It’s a tremendous opportunity, and our oldest son and his wife, who have an infant, have offered to move into the house as house sitters to help save themselves rent and bank the savings toward a down payment for a house.

My wife is fine with them living rent-free, but I’m not so thrilled with it. We’ll have extra expenses while we’re abroad, and I’ve heard from coworkers that they’ve charged family members something to stay in their homes in similar circumstances. Why shouldn’t we? --- NO FREE RIDES

DEAR NO FREE RIDES: At the very least, your son and his family should be responsible for all the costs involved in keeping the house going, such as the utilities and any routine maintenance fees. Beyond that, the question of what, or if, to charge is something you and your wife have to settle first between the two of you, and then make very clear to your son and daughter-in-law.

As you’ve probably already done, bear in mind you’ll still have your taxes and homeowner’s insurance to stay on top of, as well as a mortgage, if you have one. Those things add up and need to be taken into consideration.

Even if you and your wife end up charging a modest rent, the young couple should still be saving something, and hopefully you’ll get peace of mind knowing the house is not sitting empty.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When our usual babysitter was sick with the flu on the night of my husband’s company banquet, we hired her slightly younger sister. The kids loved her, telling us she did a lot more with them and wasn’t texting the whole time, like our usual sitter is. We also got a really good feeling from the substitute. Instead of just taking the money and running, she let us know how the night went.

Moving forward, we want to hire her when we go out, but how do I tell her big sister we don’t need her anymore? --- ONE BABYSITTER TOO MANY

DEAR ONE BABYSITTER TOO MANY: This would be awkward even if the sitters weren’t also sisters.

One solution may be to work out a rotation between the two when you need coverage. You could explain you want to give both a chance to make a little money.

It isn’t impossible that the older sister might jump at letting someone else take over, so she has either more social time or the opportunity to get work outside of babysitting that offers more — or at least more regular — earnings.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am the single mother of a wonderful 18-year-old girl. She is a star student who graduated from high school last year with both her diploma and an associate degree from college. I have always encouraged her to pursue a challenging career that uses her considerable skills in math and science. As such, she chose a major in pharmacy. 

Last month she told me she is not going to school this semester. She wants to take a break until summer, when she hopes to transfer to another school with a better pharmacy program. (She was previously accepted to this program, but rejected them. As for the transfer, with high requirements, this is unlikely since her grades went down considerably this past fall).  

In my experience, students who “take time off” never go back to school. I told her I cannot support this decision, and that this is a poor decision resulting from the previous poor decisions to overload her schedule at an unsupportive party school in an attempt to rush to graduate. She stated, “No problem, I will just move out.” 

  Am I being inflexible and unfair? She has worked very hard for a long time. However, what kind of mother would I be if I continue to let her make self-destructive and childish decisions? Should I allow her to move out, or should I support her (financially and emotionally) while she “takes a break” from preparing for her future? --- TOTALLY PUT OUT IN ATLANTA

DEAR TOTALLY PUT OUT IN ATLANTA: Taking a break has become quite common; so is the burn-out experienced by kids who have been knuckled down and studious all the way through high school.

Since your daughter graduated high school with a degree that generally takes two years of fulltime study to complete, she’s proven her ability and desire to work hard, and now, it’s just possible she needs a break. Her first choice of colleges may not have turned out so well, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready to walk away from completing a four- or more-year program.

With the spring semester already underway, letting her take the next few months to work and get a taste of life outside of school might help her towards a clearer decision about her next steps. Your giving her a little space and a chance to make her own decisions — even if you believe them to be poor ones — could be a big part of making her time at home less stressful for both of you.

Her ride, though, shouldn’t be a free one. She should earn money and contribute to your household income. Holding down a job is a worthy education for any young adult, and she’ll be learning real world lessons that could prove infinitely more useful than a semester abroad.