Husband’s Practical Jokes Wear Thin

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’ve known my husband since high school, even though we didn’t start going together until shortly after we both graduated college. He can be the sweetest, most considerate guy, but he drives me nuts with his not-so-funny practical jokes, especially when one or more of his buddies or his kid brother are around. They don’t do anything that puts anyone in physical danger. It’s more mind games, but I’ve seen people get hurt by them, and then try to laugh it off.

I’ve spoken to my husband and brother-in-law about it, and so long as the friends aren’t around, they’ve been doing better.

Is there any point in me talking to the friends too? --- MARRIED TO A JOKER

DEAR MARRIED TO A JOKER: Many consider practical joking harmless, but there’s always the danger of unintentional damage. However, I don’t believe your speaking to your husband’s friends will do much of anything beyond putting you at risk of becoming more of a target for their humor.

Since you’ve been noticing an improvement with your husband and his brother, maybe it’ll start rubbing off on their friends.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Ever since our granddaughter was born, I’ve sat with her two days a week so my daughter could first recover from what was a tough pregnancy, and then so she could go back to work. We now have three beautiful grandchildren, and I continue sitting for them on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Our son-in-law’s mother sits on Mondays and Wednesdays, and I just found out, after all these years, that she has been getting paid for watching the kids.

I don’t know if I’m more upset with her for taking the money, or with my daughter and son-in-law for never even offering to pay me to babysit. I don’t think I would have taken the money, but it would be nice to be asked. I haven’t said anything yet to my daughter, but I feel a growing resentment that I don’t want to interfere with our relationship. Would you say something if you were me? --- THE UNPAID GRANDMA

DEAR THE UNPAID GRANDMA: Letting a resentment build is never a good idea. An honest discussion with both your daughter and son-in-law may clear the air and help soothe your hurt feelings. By opening the subject with them, you may find out that there are reasons the other grandma is getting paid. Her financial situation may be an issue, or the relationship between her and your daughter and/or son-in-law may be of a very different nature than the one you have with them.

The only way you’ll find out is if you talk about it.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend has always been a much bigger partyer than I am. He goes out with the guys a few times a month, and I never say anything.

This year my mother asked if we wanted to spend New Year’s Eve and Day with them. It’s the first holiday season without any of my grandparents around, and I think it would cheer my mom up a little to have us with her. But my boyfriend wants to do what he always does ─ go out with his friends and party until dawn, or later, and while I like being with him at midnight for the first kiss and all that, I really would rather be with my family this one time. Am I asking too much of him to give up one night of partying to have a family holiday? --- GIRLFRIEND OF A PARTYER

DEAR GIRLFRIEND OF A PARTYER: I don’t think you’re asking too much. Successful relationships are built on compromises big and small.

There’s no mention here about whether being with your family would mean a big trip, or just a hop in the car. If everyone’s local, why not suggest your boyfriend hang out with you and your family until midnight and that first kiss. After that, you can hunker down at Mom’s, and your boyfriend can join his friends and their celebrations already in progress.

If you would have to travel to be with your folks’, then that involves a whole different set of compromises, and if he agrees to hit the road with you, you might owe him an extra night or two out with the boys once the New Year gets started.