DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Every time the holidays come around I start to get resentful at my great-aunt, who refuses to let any of the rest of the family have the recipes collected by her and her sisters, including my grandmother, who passed away when I was in high school. I was really close to my grandmother, and I have great memories of baking holiday cookies and cakes with her when we went to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas at her house.

My mother has never been much of a baker, so it doesn’t bother her, but I feel those recipes belong to everyone in the family, not just the last surviving member of my grandmother’s generation. Whenever I’ve asked my great-aunt for some of the recipes, she just says I’ll have to wait until she’s gone, which to me is a kind of morbid hoarding. And what if something happens that the recipes get lost after she’s gone? These are recipes that go back to Poland and Germany, where our great-grandparents were born, so they’re irreplaceable to me. What can I do to get my great-aunt to share? --- FAMILY BAKER

DEAR FAMILY BAKER: Recipes are a very special kind of family heirloom, and you’re right to want to keep them going. Maybe, even though she’s personally not interested in them, recruiting your mom and a few other members of the family to join you in the request to share the culinary legacy might help persuade your great-aunt to share them. You could argue that you all want to make sure they’re done right, and as she’s the last one able to provide that feedback, you’d appreciate her insight and guidance.

Who knows? A little flattery could go a long way.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: One reason I have begun to really hate the holidays is that I come from a family where almost everyone goes all out and spends too much money on gifts for everyone, and then expects big and/or expensive gifts in return.

I am one of the only ones in my family who doesn’t buy into the overspending. I am all for exchanging gifts, but honestly, I do not want to go into debt that takes half a year to pay off like some of them do.

Whenever the topic comes up among the family, one of my brothers, a cousin, and I come down on what everyone else thinks is the wrong side of the issue.

Is there anything wrong with keeping the gift giving reasonable? --- NOT CHEAP, JUST PRACTICAL

DEAR NOT CHEAP, JUST PRACTICAL: You’re always going to find someone who believes the value of the relationship is reflected in the cost of the gift. It sounds like you, your brother, and your cousin have made a reasonable decision, and you should stick to it and not feel pressured to go into hock every year.

One tradition some families I know have, and it might be worth putting it out there for yours, is to do a Secret Santa, where everyone’s assigned one person in the circle for which to buy. Often, there are cost limits to work within, so ideally, the playing field is more even.

It still might be a hard sell, but it could also be a way for others in the family who are reluctant to buck the majority to jump on your bandwagon.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: After my second baby I gained about 30 lbs. that just won’t go away. So, I’ve been on a diet that works perfectly outside the office, but when I’m at work, it’s a constant challenge. I work with a bunch of fit, young guys who are always bringing in all the wrong kind of snacks for someone on a diet. I keep telling them to have mercy on me and at least cut back on the amount of goodies they bring in.

I try to be strong, but when the stress gets to me, it’s too easy to pick at the cookies and chips. Any idea how to combat the temptations? --- DIETER IN SNACKLAND

DEAR DIETER IN SNACKLAND: How about fighting fire with fire, or at least cookies with crisp veggies?

If it’s the usual practice to have snack food laying around, supply some that you can safely enjoy and that your snack-happy coworkers may benefit from as well. Bring elements of your diet into the mix with veggie chips, nuts, or whatever you’d choose at home to appease your growling stomach.