DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I think my mom is gorgeous. She takes really good care of herself and doesn’t look her age at all. At least she didn’t until her new boyfriend got her into going to tanning salons. It’s going to destroy her skin and honestly, I think it looks fake, even though it isn’t.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I’ve hinted that maybe this tanning isn’t such a good thing for her. But since it’s what her boyfriend likes, she thinks it’s fine.

Am I wrong in not wanting my mother to have problems from all this tanning? --- PALE AND LOVING IT

DEAR PALE AND LOVING IT: I don’t think you need to pussyfoot around the subject of how potentially dangerous too much tanning is. Just sit your mother down and show her a few images of what skin cancer looks like. If that risk doesn’t scare her, remind her that wrinkles are another sad side effect of UV exposure.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We have a young couple living in the townhouse next to ours and last Christmas season they put up a light display that was left on overnight, every night, and was so bright, my wife and I had to buy blackout curtains for our bedroom and the guest bedroom at the front of the house. The HOA is less than useless, because they told me (and I double-checked them) that there aren’t any rules about holiday light displays beyond them not being allowed to “spill over beyond the limits of the confines of the owner’s property.”

Well, they did it again this year, and although their decorations stay within their property, the light certainly spills out all over the place. Would I be a big Scrooge if I tell them what I think about their holiday display overload? --- NEEDS LESS MIDNIGHT SUN

DEAR NEEDS LESS MIDNIGHT SUN: Since the letter of the HOA rules are on their side, perhaps your next step is to approach your neighbors politely and directly to see if they might agree to have the display, or at least a large part of it, shut down after a certain time each night.

If you haven’t spoken to them yet, they may not have any idea you and your wife are having a problem with their holiday lights.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both our oldest daughter and I have several food allergies, including nuts, wheat, and shellfish. But almost every single time we eat over at my in-law’s, my mother-in-law puts out little bowls of nuts, and has shrimp cocktails, and then serves a pasta main course. The shrimp we can avoid, and the two of us have learned to eat something before we go for dinner, but my daughter is so sensitive to nuts that even the residual oils left behind from the nuts can give her a reaction.

I have spoken to my mother-in-law about this more than once, and she just doesn’t seem to get it. I am at the point of not going to her house anymore, which I know will hurt her, but I have to protect myself and my daughter. I don’t think I have a choice, do you? --- ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD

DEAR ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD: I absolutely agree you need to protect your child and yourself.

If your mother-in-law can’t learn to work around your allergies, then either only dine with them at your place, or suggest meeting at restaurants that you know can accommodate your needs.

It also seems like your husband, if he hasn’t, should step in and explain things to his mom. Coming from her son, it might make more of an impression.