DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am getting married in February and already my mother and my future mother-in-law are stressing me out over some of the wedding arrangements. So far, they’ve agreed on much of the big things, but I know my fiancé’s mother has been pushing for things to be more formal than my mother is. My mother, fiancé, and I are good with open seating at the reception, so people can sit with the people they want to sit with. Doesn’t it make sense that if you’re going to go less formal, open seating is the way to go?

Every time the subject comes up, my future mother-in-law makes a big deal about this one thing, and my mother has said if I don’t shut it down, she will. Not how I want things to go. --- MORE CASUAL BRIDE

DEAR MORE CASUAL BRIDE: Planning a wedding is often first and foremost an exercise in diplomacy, as it seems you’re learning. However, it’s your wedding and if you and your fiancé agree on the overall tone of the day, then follow that plan. Since the friction seems to be brewing with the women, maybe it’s time for the groom to step-up and privately, and gently, speak with his mother about his and your vision for the day.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom has been very clingy and needy towards me for my entire life. While I know this is normal to an extent, it’s now getting to the point where it’s just too much.

I’m now married and live out-of-town. My mom will call me at least a few times a week and ask me if I love her. The answer is always, “Of course I do, Mom.” Sometimes she asks me to, “Prove it,” but I’m not sure how to do that as I have been through this routine multiple times with her.

She also takes great offense ─ even now ─ if I make a decision without her. It could be something as simple as buying a new blender for our kitchen because the old one broke. If I do that without consulting her on, “The best one to buy,” she ends up hurt that I don’t, “Care about her wisdom.”

In this same vein, my mother is hostile to my husband simply because she did not pick him out for me. She often says he is a, “Nice guy,” but, “Not the right one for me.”

I could go on and on about her. I have done my best to accommodate her while also asking her to please respect my privacy, but nothing has worked. The more I try to back away ─ even just a little ─ the more she tightens her grip.

What can I do about this, short of cutting her off completely? --- CAN’T DEAL WITH MY MOM

DEAR CAN’T DEAL WITH MY MOM: Parents do worry about their kids, no matter how mature and independent they are. And, every generation likes to pass along what’s been learned to ─ if possible ─ help avoid the constant reinvention of the wheel. Those are normal things, as is struggling with your place in the world once your kids are grown and living their own lives.

What your mom is doing to you isn’t normal or healthy for either of you. Her over-the-top behavior makes it sound like she’s the one in need of parenting, and as you may already have learned with your own children, things go better when limits and rules are set and consistently enforced.

One way to start that with your mom might be to establish a schedule for talking with her based on when you’re available. Remind her you have your own family to take care of, and you’ll be glad to speak with her once or twice a week, at a time convenient to you. When you talk, try to have topics ready to go, so you control the flow of the conversation.

Hopefully taking the reins will put some balance in the relationship, and help your mother see that you’re an adult with responsibilities; that focusing on your life doesn’t mean you love her any less, but rather that you’re just busy living ─ just as you hope she finds a way to do for herself.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been waiting tables and bartending in a family-run restaurant for nearly five years. It’s a real mom and pop operation. He’s the chef and she’s the manager. They even have their pre-teen kids help out with things like wrapping silver and setting up salad dressings when they come in with their mom in the evening, which we servers really appreciate.

Over the past month or so I noticed my boss has been acting kind of weird. He is usually real easy-going, but lately he gets mad about stupid stuff. I started hearing stories about him and the new hostess maybe having a thing, and I didn’t want to believe it, until I had to, when I saw them making out behind the building one night. They didn’t see me, I’m pretty sure, and I haven’t said anything to anybody at the restaurant. But it kills me every time his wife comes in, especially with the kids. I really, really want to say something to her, but do you agree with my better judgment to keep my mouth shut? --- KEEPING QUIET

DEAR KEEPING QUIET: I can certainly understand your discomfort, but keeping your observations to yourself is probably in your best interest. Enough tongues will wag, particularly if everyone is beginning to see changes in the chef. If things get tense enough, you might want to keep a lookout for another place to work, since it won’t take much for this situation to go from bad to way worse very quickly.