DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our 29-year-old daughter just got engaged to the man she’s been living with for the past two years. We are happy and excited for them. They are planning a big wedding, and although both of them make pretty good money, she thinks they can afford to pay for it all, and we disagree. We don’t want them to start their married life in debt, and we also don’t want to insult them with offers to help foot some of the bills. They are both very proud of their career achievements and their financial independence, but we always planned for paying for at least one of our kids’ weddings, so it’s no big deal for us financially.

Should we risk insulting them, or just let them figure it out by themselves? --- JUST WANT TO HELP

DEAR JUST WANT TO HELP: I don’t see why you shouldn’t throw your offer to help out there to them, just to let them know you’re ready, willing, and able to lend a financial hand. If they say, “Thanks, but no thanks,” respect that. You always have the option of giving them a generous wedding gift that they can apply toward whatever current or future expenses they face as they start their married life together.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I live in a townhouse with two other guys. I travel a lot for my work and since I am home the least, I was okay with taking the smallest bedroom. Even though I have a smaller room than the other two guys, we split the rent and the expenses evenly, which I am fine with.

What I am not so fine with is that one of the guys had a party while the other two of us were not around and the basement room we call “The Cave” got pretty trashed. The landlord was in with the HVAC guy for some work that needed to be done last week and he saw what our roommate and his buddies did, and he is not happy. He said that wallboard has to be replaced, and so does the carpet, not to mention the recessed light fixtures.

I think the landlord is right to pass on the costs of the repairs now, and not wait to take it out of the security deposit when we move out. But now the roommate who is responsible for the mess is saying we all three have to pay evenly for the repairs, because we agreed to share all the expenses. The other two of us told him no way, but he’s telling us it’s part of the agreement. Is he right? --- NOT LOOKING TO PAY FOR HIS MESS

DEAR NOT LOOKING TO PAY FOR HIS MESS: That your landlord didn’t give you guys the boot is what I find surprising.

When you agreed to share expenses evenly, you probably didn’t foresee your current situation, and if you did, you chose at least one of your roommates poorly. Splitting living expenses usually means costs like rent, utilities, shared kitchen/cleaning/laundry supplies. What happened during your absence exceeds those areas and becomes its own line item outside the agreement ─ unless you have it in writing that you share and share alike in all expenses. If that’s the case, you may very well be stuck paying a third of the costs.

My advice to you is cut your losses and find a new roommate or place to live as soon as your current lease is up.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My friend has a three-year-old son and a nine-month-old daughter, who is just starting to pull herself up around the house. I have my own two-year-old, and long before he was walking, my boyfriend and I started childproofing our home and I think we did a pretty good job of it.

When my friend comes over with her kids for a playdate, she first does a safety inspection of my townhouse’s first floor, where we hang out. She is not at all shy about telling me everything we missed in our childproofing. Then she’ll say something like, “Why don’t we just stay right here, in the living room,” and it makes me feel like I am the world’s worst mom or something.

Am I overreacting, or is she? --- SAFE ENOUGH FOR MY OWN KID

DEAR SAFE ENOUGH FOR MY OWN KID: Since you feel like your friend isn’t comfortable with her kids in your home, maybe you should either stick to meeting at her place, or find other locations where the kids and the moms can get together and where you’re not in charge of making the area secure. If those suggestions don’t work, then when they come to your place, you should beat your friend to the punch and insist you all just stick to the pre-screened room of your choice.