life

Husband Feeling Left Out of the Loop

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 21st, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have always been happy my wife and my mother get along really well. Lately, though, I have been feeling left out when I am around them. They seem to have all these conversations I have no idea about, and my mom seems to know more about what goes on in our house than I do.

Is this kind of thing normal for a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law to be so close? --- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: It may not be the rule, but it’s certainly common enough, and decidely preferable to the unfortunate alternative of the two women in your life not getting along at all.

In your case, since it’s bothering you, it’s worth mentioning to the ladies that you’re feeling excluded. It’s possible they have no idea that their closeness is affecting you adversely.

life

Boyfriend's More Available to Mom Than His Expectant Girlfriend

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 16th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend’s father died six years ago, and ever since that time he’s taken on being the man of the house. That was back when he was finishing up high school, and because he didn’t want to be too far from home, he commuted to college and even took a job paying way less than he could have made if he moved to a bigger city, all to stay near his mom.

When we started dating almost two years ago, I thought it was kind of sweet that he wanted to be so helpful to his mom. Now I think it’s kind of weird. She is a super sweet woman and never demands anything from my boyfriend. I don’t think she’s the problem. I think he is just over-protective, and it’s begun to bother me more now that I am expecting our first baby this fall. I worry he’ll keep putting his mother first, even when I think he should put his own family first.

I don’t want to come between him and his mom, but the longer we are together, the more he seems to take me for granted so he can go do stuff for his mother. Is this normal or some kind of mother fixation? --- IS HE A MAMA’S BOY?

DEAR IS HE A MAMA’S BOY: Often a son or daughter who loses one parent becomes protective of the survivor, and from what you wrote, your boyfriend continues to see himself as the man of his mom’s house, even though he’s starting a family of his own. He may be feeling worried and guilty about his not being as available to his mom once he becomes a father.

You need to speak with him about your concerns. Since you said his mom isn’t making demands on him, make your own expectations of him as a partner and a father clear, letting him know you value how dedicated he is to helping his mom, but that you also need to know he’s there for you and your baby.

life

Religiously Devout Woman Worries About Scaring-off Boyfriend

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 15th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been seeing “Jerry” for a few months and I find myself getting more and more attracted and attached to him. He comes from a background that doesn’t include any formal religious practices, and I come from a strong faith-based home. I have no problem with Jerry doing ─ or not doing ─ his own thing religiously, because I am firm enough in my faith to be comfortable with his choices. But I haven’t yet told him how much following my faith means to me. I am afraid he’ll think I am some kind of religious fanatic.

Do I keep it to myself, or risk sharing my beliefs with him? --- SECURE IN FAITH

DEAR SECURE IN FAITH: Since you haven’t mentioned your commitment to your faith in the months you’ve been seeing “Jerry”, it’s quite possible he’ll simply accept it as part of the package he’s been getting to know.

Because your faith is so central to you, it’s only a matter of time before he becomes aware of it ─ if he isn’t already ─ and it isn’t fair to either of you to hide an important part of who you are. Such concealments can lead to misunderstandings and resentment over time. Give him some credit for being as open-minded as you are, and remember it isn’t at all unusual for successful couples to have different views on religion.

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