life

Workaholic Wife Leaves Husband Cold

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 8th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’ve known my wife since before we graduated college three years ago. She was a totally dedicated student and did really well in school. Now she’s a legal assistant, she’s becoming a workaholic, and we have less and less time together. I work a fairly 9-5, Monday-Friday job, and at the end of it, I want to have some time with my wife, but she’s always late at the office and often going in on at least one day of the weekend.

When we talk about how I feel, she says this is what her job is about, and it’s something I’ll just have to get used to.

Am I being selfish? I want to support her career, but I worry it’ll advance at the cost of our marriage. --- MY WIFE IS A WORKAHOLIC

DEAR MY WIFE IS A WORKAHOLIC: The legal profession is certainly a demanding one. Your wife will need your support and understanding if she’s going to succeed in it.

It would help you to develop enough interests of your own to help fill your leisure time when your wife is at the office.

At this point, it seems likely that it’ll also fall to you to make the couple-time plans, as you continue reminding her how important it is to your marriage to have time together ─ not just when she comes home exhausted after a six-day workweek.

While you don’t want to sound whiney and needy, you have to help her understand it takes two to make a marriage work.

life

Bitter Neighbors Keep Old Grudge Alive

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 7th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife’s parents moved to a house they built for their retirement right around the time we started looking for a new home. They offered it to us, and it was a really good deal. The house needs some work to get it more in our style, but the real problem is the neighbors who apparently hated my wife since she was a kid, and now are doing everything they can to make it unpleasant for us.

So far, they’ve “accidentally” knocked over our mailbox, put their trashcan half on-half off the curb so that it spills over onto our driveway, and repeatedly claimed they had no idea their dog got out of the house, just long enough to dig up what we planted (and then replanted) in the back yard.

My wife tells me the reason for the grudge is that she broke up with their son in high school, and have been cold to her whole family ever since, but this is ridiculous. I don’t want to have to call the cops, but I’m beginning to think that’s what it will take to get these people to back off. I’ve tried talking to them, but they cold shoulder me too. What else can we do? --- LIVING NEXT DOOR TO THE NEIGHBORS FROM HELL

DEAR LIVING NEXT DOOR: Since talking to them doesn’t seem to be an option, start keeping records of suspected transgressions. Take photos and mark down the date, time, and as much detail as you can, including any actions you and your wife take in response to the incidents.

If you have one, try reaching out to your homeowner’s association to see if they have arbitration services. In the case of property damage or unrestrained dogs, you could contact the local police department non-emergency services or animal control.

There may not be much the authorities can do, but at least you’ll be putting your neighbors on notice that you’re not going to take their aggressions lightly.

life

Postpartum Body Turns Husband Off

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | May 2nd, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Since I had our second baby last fall, I haven’t been able to lose the “baby fat” I gained during the pregnancy, like I did with our son. I’ve talked to my doctor about it and she wants to run some tests to make sure everything, like my thyroid, is okay.

I’m not loving my body, but the bigger problem is, neither is my husband. He hasn’t made a move in months now, and it hurts to think it’s because of my extra weight. I don’t want him to think I’m just imagining it, because I know I’m not. Do I say something now or wait to see what the medical tests show? --- MISS MY BODY

DEAR MISS MY BODY: It’s good you’re getting medical advice on why this postpartum recovery is so different than what you experienced with your first baby. Each pregnancy takes a toll on a woman’s body, and now that you have two children to care for, taking care of yourself becomes even more challenging.

By all means, talk to your husband about what you’re feeling. It’s possible his lack of sexual attentions may also be the result of a more demanding family life, or the problem could be completely unrelated to what you think is causing it, and he doesn’t want to add to your stress right now.

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