DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and dad are very old world. They came to this country from India when they were first married, nearly 35 years ago. I remember all the times when I was growing up their parents would fly to the U.S. and end up staying with us for a month or two at least, and my folks were completely cool with it.
Now that my wife and I have our own family, my parents, who only live a about six hours away, come for at least three visits a year, and after my dad goes back so he can get back to work after a few days, my mom, who has always been a housewife, remains for nearly a month.
My wife, who works from home so she can be with the kids, never says anything, but it drives me nuts having my mom hanging around so much. I enjoy having the house to just my own family, and when Mom’s here, it seems like we have a guest that needs to be entertained. Would I be wrong to ask my mother to cut her visits shorter in the future? --- SON OF A HOUSEGUEST
DEAR SON OF A HOUSEGUEST: Your mom is just following the traditions she grew up with and raised you by. It isn’t at all uncommon for family from far away to make long visits, especially if the trip is costly.
Since we’re not talking about a great distance here, you might suggest to your mom that it would really work out better if she perhaps visited more often, but for shorter periods of time.
However, before you do that, I think you should speak to your wife about it. Since she isn’t expressing objections to the visits, and she’s the one home more of the time than you are, you should ask her if she finds it a help or a hinderance having your mom around.