DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: It always annoyed me when my mother or mother-in-law would offer unasked for opinions on how I raised my kids. Because of that I have a no interference policy with my own daughter, whose children are three and nearly seven.
The younger girl is still sweet, but her big sister is another story. She cusses and yells at her parents and at my husband and me, and at pretty much anyone else she feels like treating that way. Her baby sister watches it all and has started trying the same behavior out for herself.
Neither my daughter nor son-in-law do anything to stop this behavior, they seem to think it’s just a phase and ignore it. When we have the kids at our house, my husband and I try to establish rules, with mixed results.
For the sake of our grandchildren, do you think I should break my butt out policy and say something to my daughter? --- TROUBLED GRANDMA
DEAR TROUBLED GRANDMA: As you already well know, sometimes the hardest part about being a mother is knowing when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut.
While it’s certainly your daughter’s job to raise her own kids, I think you need to mention to her your concerns that the way your older granddaughter acts ─ “just a phase” or not ─ is rubbing off on her little sister, who’s old enough to follow the leader, no matter what example that leader is setting.
That you have set rules for behavior in your own home or when you’re taking care of your grandchildren is a good thing, and might help them understand there are indeed limits and expectations they need to respect.