DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: It wouldn’t be the first time, but I just found out my father is cheating on my mom again, and I know she knows, but doesn’t want to say anything to me because she also knows I’ll beat the s___t out of him. The last time he did this I was just a kid and all I knew was that my dad was acting weird and my mom was really sad. How long do I play dumb and let him walk all over her? --- PROTECTIVE SON

DEAR PROTECTIVE SON: The bigger question is how long does your mom put up with your dad’s actions?

Crappy as the situation is, this is between your parents, and hard as it is for you to stand by, that’s what you need to do for your mom’s sake. It may make you feel better to take it out of your dad’s hide, but a fight between her husband and son isn’t going to make things any better for your mother.

Let her know you’re there for her, both for now and throughout whatever comes next.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter moved out of our house right after she graduated college nearly three years ago. I had not been to her apartment for a quite a while, since she usually comes to our house to visit or we meet somewhere to eat or shop.

Two weeks ago she was out of town and asked me to pick up her mail. When I got it out of the mailbox and went to put it in the apartment for her, my heart dropped. I was able to open the door, but I couldn’t find the wall switch to turn on the light because there were so many magazines, books, and newspaper coupon flyers piled up by the front door. In the kitchen, the cabinets and drawers can’t close because there is so much stuff crammed into them. Her half-bath and walk-in closet are full of empty delivery boxes. I could go on, but I hate thinking about what I found.

When she returned home, I confronted her with what I saw and told her she is a hoarder. She went off on me, saying I have no business judging her and that she is certainly not a hoarder.

What do I do to convince her she needs to stop this dangerous behavior? --- MOTHER OF A HOARDER

DEAR MOTHER OF A HOARDER: Your daughter needs professional mental health help as soon as possible. People with hoarding tendencies can get worse as they age, and it sounds like she’s already in a bad situation. Since she’s in denial about her problem, it will take more than just her mom telling her this is not normal. Get some back-up from other family members and a friend or two. If she hears it enough, it might begin to click.

It may be a good idea for you to also seek professional guidance in how to help her. Her road to recovery will very likely be difficult, and having you in her corner could be a big help.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: In our house, I’m the one who pays the bills. My partner is pretty much clueless about what it costs to run this place. He takes 40-minute showers, leaves lights and electronics on everywhere, and keeps the thermostat up to the mid-seventies all winter long in our old house with oil heat. I’ve installed a timer thermostat, but he just pops it up to his ideal temperature and never turns it back down. Last month our oil bill was nearly $1800, which is way more than we can keep affording.

I’m tired of nagging. How do I convince this man he needs to be more aware of things not being free? --- SWEATING IT IN VERMONT

DEAR SWEATING IT IN VERMONT: Have you sat down with your partner and shared a breakdown of your income against your expenses? If he’s never been the budget-keeper, he may very well be unaware of what it costs to keep your home going. Get him involved, and together you can figure out ways to potentially cut, or at least better manage expenses.

You also might want to shop around a bit for oil companies. Prices can vary. And, to help make payments easier to take, see if your current provider offers a budgeting plan, enabling you to pay a consistent fee throughout the year instead of getting slammed in the cold weather months.