DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: So, I hire a cleaning service to make life easier for my wife and me, since we work all week and then spend the weekend working on the house. Next thing I know, every time I try to get her to schedule the cleaners’ first visit my wife is pissed and won’t tell me why. What did I do wrong? --- THOUGHT I WAS HELPING

DEAR THOUGHT: It could be you wife got the impression you don’t think she’s capable of managing her own home, or that she’s not managing it to your standards. It could also be:

She actually enjoys housework, finding it therapeutic after a long workweek.

She’s concerned about the cost of doing something she figures you guys can take care of yourselves.

Or, she may be of the opinion that she should’ve been part of the decision to bring in cleaners.

Of course, it may be none of the above, but the only way to know for sure is to ask her the same question you asked me – preferably in a calm, non-sarcastic, non-defensive way – and take it from there.

Once you clear the air, she may be more open to having some outside help, at least every now and then.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My younger sister left for bootcamp nearly a month ago and my mom is still crying at least a little every day. It isn’t like she hasn’t had one of her kids move away before. Both my older brother and I left for college right after high school. Why is she such a mess this time around? --- RUNNING LOW ON TISSUES

DEAR RUNNING LOW: How do you know your mother didn’t shed more than a few tears when you and your brother went off to college? Separation anxiety isn’t just for the ones who leave.

Be patient with your mom. Unlike college, military life doesn’t come with a lot of time for visits home. There’s no gradual weening process like there usually is when your kid is away at college and able to put in at least an appearance during winter, spring, and summer breaks. And, during the first phases of training, the newly inducted have limited opportunities to even make phone calls.

Encourage your mom to write your sister letters, as many and as often as she can. It’ll give Mom a kind of virtual time with her, as well as helping your sister feel less disconnected from home.

And it wouldn’t hurt if the rest of the family got into the act too.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have played softball with “Pat” for years. We started out in the kid’s rec leagues, were on the same travel team, and this past spring both joined the same adult rec team. Pat is a good player and friendly during the season, and always has been. For a few months each year she and I are pretty tight. Then, as soon as the season is over, Pat not only disappears, but she rarely bothers to return calls or texts. It is as if I become invisible the minute I am no longer part of her regular schedule.

This has been going on for years and I know it shouldn’t still bother me, but it does. Am I doing something wrong, or is she? --- THE INVISIBLE TEAMMATE

DEAR TEAMMATE: There are some people who compartmentalize their lives so completely that they’re uncomfortable when elements from one compartment spill over into another. Pat may have that mindset, and if so, don’t take it personally. If you enjoy being with her within the context of softball, then just go with it, accepting the reality that Pat, like opening day, will be back next season.