DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been close with my friend “Lena” for almost 10 years, but lately I’ve noticed a pattern that’s starting to wear me down. She only seems to reach out when something in her life is falling apart, like a breakup, a job crisis or a fight with her family. When things are going well, I barely hear from her for months. I care about her and want to support her, but the emotional intensity of these late-night calls and emergency meetups is exhausting, especially when I feel like our friendship disappears again once she’s back on her feet. I’ve tried gently suggesting we hang out when things are calm, but she brushes it off or says she’s too busy. Part of me wonders if I’m just her emotional safety net rather than a real friend. Is there a way to set boundaries without making it seem like I’m abandoning her? — ONE-SIDED FRIENDSHIP

DEAR ONE-SIDED FRIENDSHIP: Repeat after me: We are no longer filling the cup of people who leave ours empty. We are no longer bending over backward to support people who cannot even be bothered to call and check on us. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. If you continue to let her walk on you in this way, don’t be surprised when she does exactly that. A therapist once told me you don’t have to close the door on a friend when you need to set a boundary with them. You can leave a screen door open and filter what it is you want from the relationship. I’ve always liked this idea, as it provides a sense of flexibility instead of an “all-or-nothing” mentality around friendship. With Lena, perhaps she needs to be relegated to a social friend at this point — meaning someone you meet up with on occasion but keep the relationship surface-level until you see her putting in effort. And don’t be the one reaching out every time to make plans. If she can’t be bothered to honor the space you are willing to share, then she doesn’t need to be there. Period.

DEAR NATALIE: I broke up with my ex almost a year ago after a pretty painful relationship. We share the same tight-knit friend group, which means I still see him regularly. The breakup itself wasn’t dramatic, but he’s recently started bringing new dates to group gatherings and acting overly friendly toward me, like we’re old buddies rather than people who once lived together. Our friends seem to expect us to just “be adults” about it, but every time I see him it pulls me back into old emotions I thought I had moved past. At the same time, I don’t want to be the person who makes everyone choose sides or disrupts the dynamic of the group. I’ve started skipping events to avoid the awkwardness, which makes me feel like I’m the one losing my social life. Is it reasonable to ask friends for some boundaries here, or is this just the price of dating within a shared circle? — STILL PAINFUL

DEAR STILL PAINFUL: Unless someone did something egregious that caused the breakup, asking your friends to pick sides may backfire on you — especially if he isn’t demanding the same. Yes, breakups are awkward. Yes, they are painful. Taking a step back to deal with your pain is a normal and healthy reaction. Instead of waiting for your friends to ask you to join them on an outing where your ex might be there, take charge of the plans. Invite who you want to include, and that should send a clear message when he’s not on the list. You may not be able to control every encounter, but you can host a fun night at your place and set a boundary that way. If your friends ask why he isn’t invited, you can plainly state, “Why would I invite my ex?” and leave it there. You can’t control who stays in the group, but you can control the space you create for yourself within it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

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DEAR NATALIE: My sibling is spiraling online, and I’m worried it will cost him his career and relationship. My brother has become increasingly vocal on social media, posting extreme right-wing conspiracy theories and attacking colleagues by name. He insists he’s just “telling the truth,” but he’s already been reprimanded at work and recently lost a promotion. His longtime partner is starting to worry about his mental health and is threatening to leave if he doesn’t seek help. Do I intervene directly, or is this one of those situations where stepping back is better? — HE’S CRASHING OUT

DEAR HE’S CRASHING OUT: The rampant spread of disinformation is destroying lives, families and livelihoods. I’m sorry your family is facing this and that you feel an intervention may be necessary. Unfortunately, when someone is this deep down the rabbit hole, it can be very difficult to make them “snap out of it.” Threatening to cut ties could push him further into the conspiracy-driven world he has embraced. Instead, try to be a tether to reality. Research on cult dynamics suggests maintaining a positive relationship is key. Avoid belittling or demeaning him, as that can drive him further away. Stay informed about what he’s sharing and why he feels so strongly about it. A recent study of relatives of cult members found that those who eventually left often credited strong family bonds outside the movement as crucial to their exit. You cannot — and should not — insert yourself into his romantic relationship, but you can remain a grounding presence in his life, even if that means simply showing up on birthdays or holidays. People can change. They do walk away from belief systems that no longer serve them. But isolating him further likely won’t help. Stand by as his sibling and be there if and when the house of cards begins to fall. Losing his job or partner may, unfortunately, become the wake-up call he needs.

DEAR NATALIE: My 20-year-old daughter wants to start an OnlyFans and use my house as her headquarters. She’s beautiful, bright and charismatic, but I don’t want her to do this on any level. I worry it could harm her future when she finishes school and starts looking for a job. She believes it’s a way to pay for college and help me financially. When I push back, she says I’m not being “sex-positive” and “risk-averse.” How do I explain that this may not be the best plan for her long-term future, even if she sees a few major creators making significant money online? 

— HER REAL FAN

DEAR HER REAL FAN: You can take the old-school approach, or you can try a different tactic. The traditional route is simple: As long as she lives under your roof, she follows your rules, and that means no filming OnlyFans content in your home. But consider whether you’re prepared to enforce that boundary. If she moves out or ignores you and does it anyway, would you actually kick her out? There is another option. If this is truly just about money, as she says, walk her through the numbers. According to Influencer Marketing Hub, most creators earn about $151 per month on OnlyFans, and the platform takes a 20% commission. The few top earners making headlines are not the norm. If she’s interested in building an online presence, suggest channeling that drive into lifestyle, fashion or travel content and working to grow a broader brand on social media. If she’s going to invest the time and energy, she may find more sustainable opportunities there. And if she ultimately decides to move forward with OnlyFans, state your feelings clearly and let them stand. It may fizzle out on its own.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

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DEAR NATALIE: My partner and I are politically divided and it’s starting to affect our finances. We’ve always known we vote differently, but lately it’s become more than dinner table debate. He’s been donating significant amounts of money to MAGA candidates and causes I strongly oppose, and I recently discovered he dipped into our joint savings to do it. We both work full-time and agreed to pool most of our income, but now I’m questioning whether we need separate accounts, or even separate financial futures. He says I’m overreacting and that political giving is no different than any other charitable donation. I feel blindsided and worry this is less about money and more about values. How do couples navigate financial transparency when their political identities feel like moral identities? – MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: If you’re sharing an account, it should follow that the money pooled there is used for mutually agreed-upon purposes like shared expenses, vacations or long-term goals. If your husband is determined to give large sums to candidates and causes you oppose, two things need to happen. In the short term, it needs to stop. If he wants to spend money that way — and I mean his money, saved separately from your joint account — that is his decision. But funds should not be taken from a shared savings account for political donations without your consent. Period. In the long term, you need a serious conversation about your priorities and your shared vision for the future, both financially and relationally. If supporting candidates whose policies you believe harm you or your community conflicts with your core values, that isn’t a small disagreement. It’s a fundamental one. It’s difficult to build a stable future with someone who disregards your perspective, and diverting shared resources to causes that contradict your values can damage more than your bank balance. It can erode trust. The real question is how much he is willing to prioritize your partnership over politics. You deserve clarity on that and then you can decide your next steps accordingly.

DEAR NATALIE: My parents want to “retire” but they have no savings and expect me to step in. I’m in my early 30s, still paying off student loans and saving for my own kids’ college funds. My parents spent years helping extended family overseas and sending money to relatives, which I respect, but they didn’t build a retirement cushion. Now they’re hinting that moving in with us — and relying on us financially — is the natural next step. I feel torn between cultural expectations, genuine love for them and resentment that their lack of planning may derail my own family’s stability. My spouse is supportive but nervous about what this means long term. How do I set boundaries without feeling like I’m abandoning them?

– PLANNING FOR WHAT’S NEXT

DEAR PLANNING FOR WHAT’S NEXT: It’s a big ask for your parents to expect to move in with you. While I appreciate that they want to retire, it isn’t your fault they chose to support extended family instead of setting aside a nest egg. At the same time, they are your parents, and you want to support them. So what are your options? You could give in and let them move in, which may put significant strain on your relationship with your husband and your family life. Or you could find another way to help that doesn’t involve sharing your current home. A third option would be for them to sell their home and for you to purchase a larger house — ideally one with an in-law suite — and share the mortgage. But if that isn’t realistic, especially given current mortgage rates, consider another approach. Start by connecting them with a financial planner who can take a close look at their finances and outline what a path to retirement might realistically look like. Having a plan in place could relieve some of the pressure on you to act immediately. There may be a solution that respects your boundaries while still providing your parents with meaningful support. Explore that first before anyone starts packing boxes.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @FactsOverFearNatalieB