DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are very competitive. Usually, it is all in good fun. But, we are both in the process of going through divorces and no matter what I say, she feels like she has to “one up” me. If my soon-to-be ex-husband’s lawyer does something to me, then she has to say that hers did something worse. I even caught her lying about a few things when I pressed her on them. This should be a time where we can lean on each other, but instead, I find myself unable to share anything that is going on for fear she will either belittle it or try and embellish what is happening with her to make everyone feel “worse for her.” It’s gotten so bad that some of my friends have shared how uncomfortable she makes everyone feel. Should I say something? How do I even do that without looking petty? I love her, but this is just getting ridiculous. – DIVORCE FRENEMY

DEAR DIVORCE FRENEMY: Whenever she does this to you again, I would stop her in the moment and just ask her why she feels the need to do this? Share with her what you just shared with me about how it makes you feel. I wouldn’t bring your friends into it, as that will make her deflect from the issue at hand. Sometimes, people don’t even realize how they are behaving until someone brings it to their attention. Try to use specific examples and “I” statements to prevent her from becoming overly defensive. If she continues this behavior, then you may have to take a big step back for a while. You’re going through enough and should have supportive, compassionate friends around you. She needs to either get a grip or take a seat. 

DEAR NATALIE: I recently lost a dear family member and I’ve been having a very hard time dealing with the grief. This person raised me like I was their daughter and I am heartbroken. They were older, in their late 80s, so it wasn’t a “shock” but it still hurts. One of my closest friends recently told me that she doesn’t understand why I am so upset. I should have “expected this” because they “were old.” How do I explain that I need a shoulder to cry on and not a lecture on “letting go?” – GOOD GRIEF

DEAR GOOD GRIEF: You don’t have to justify your grief to anyone, especially to a close friend. It doesn’t matter how old someone is or how unexpected the death is. Grief is a journey that  everyone navigates differently. For your friend to diminish how you feel is abhorrent. The next time that they demean your feelings, stop them in that moment. Tell them that it hurts you deeply when they talk to you like this. Explain that you need love and support right now. If she can’t share in the experience, then take time apart so that you can heal on your own. Any friend who mistreats you when you are going through something so transformative as losing a loved one is no friend at all.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My mom does everything for my younger brother. He lives at home but doesn’t need to. He has a great job in finance (makes more money than me!) and doesn’t seem to have any desire to leave. Mom does everything for him. After my dad died a few years back, I think she’s been lost and lonely. He takes advantage of that. Every time I tell her that she would be better off traveling, having fun with her friends and living her life to the fullest, she uses my “poor brother” as an excuse. “He needs me,” she says. She claims because he doesn’t have a girlfriend, she has to help him. What can I do as the older sister here? I want to scream. –MAMA’S BOY

DEAR MAMA’S BOY: Have you tried mercilessly mocking him when you are around? All kidding aside, the situation is never going to get better unless mom puts her foot down. Why would he leave a place where he is treated like a little prince? This is possibly why he is single, by the way. No woman wants to cook for, clean for and baby a man – and then be expected to have sex with them. Total. Turnoff. (Sorry tradwives, I said what I said). You could approach this from a different perspective with your mother and tell her that if she keeps coddling him, he’ll never find a wife. Who would want to bring a girl home when he lives with mom – as a choice? Maybe if mom sees that she is inhibiting his ability to start a family, she may change her behavior? However, you absolutely need to have a one-on-one conversation with your brother. He needs to know that while this may seem like a fun time for him, he is actually preventing his mother from living her life. This dynamic helps no one move forward. And as a fellow oldest daughter, why can’t everyone just do what we say? We are rarely wrong. But, alas, sometimes people just have to fall on their faces a hundred times before they try a different path.

DEAR NATALIE: I love my bestie but she is OBSESSED with her body. She has always been thin, but now that the “Ozempic-effect” is a real thing, she wants to drop even more weight. Her doctor refused to give it to her because she obviously doesn’t need it, so she found another way to get it. She has lost even more weight and is constantly complaining that her stomach is bothering her. I told her to stop taking it, but she won’t listen to me. I told her to go to her doctor about her stomach, but she’s afraid the doctor will “be mad” that she took it after telling her not to. I said that’s not what matters. She is a total mess. Any chance you have a way to get through to her? I don’t want to see her suffer, it’s so sad to watch. She’s a lovely person! -O-NO

DEAR O-NO: I wish I could tell you that everything will be better for your friend if she just goes to a doctor for her stomach, but unfortunately, if she is willing to find Ozempic on her own even though it is causing her physical distress, it may not be a simple fix for her. She has some level of disordered eating or body dysmorphia and those issues won’t be cured just by stopping Ozempic. They are the very reasons she sought it out – at any cost. I would continue to gently remind her of her intrinsic value and how you just want her to be healthy and safe. I would continue to be there for her because she may end up needing to go to the hospital. All you can do is be there for her. If and when she realizes that she needs help, encourage her to talk to her doctor to connect her to a mental health specialist that focuses on body issues. But until she is ready to get help, you may just be screaming into the void.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: My brother died in a bad accident on the job a few years back and his wife, Jessica, promised that we would always have a relationship with our nieces after he died. Our nieces were three and six at the time of his death. Since then, she has remarried and her new husband is very controlling. We all see it and none of us know what to say. My nieces are now 10 and 13. I’ve been close with Jess for a long time but I can feel her pulling away. It breaks my heart because my brother was a very soft spoken, kind person. To see her shift from someone so loving and be with someone who isn’t very good her or to my nieces is troubling. What can I do? They got married without any of us knowing at the courthouse last fall and we’ve been pushed out since then. Any ideas on navigating this?

– SCARED FOR SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR SCARED FOR SISTER-IN-LAW: This is a tricky situation because while you want to honor the memory of your brother and continue to have a relationship with his former wife and your nieces, her new husband is a huge obstacle to that. He sounds awful. When someone is being controlled or emotionally abused, they can start to shrink away which is exactly what is happening here. Instead of confronting her about it, try being present for her. Invite her over for a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Make plans with your nieces on your own so that her husband doesn’t have to be involved. Creating a safe space for all of them is the best thing you can do. If you overstep your bounds or speak ill of her new husband, it may get back to him. If he is as controlling as it appears, he may be monitoring her phone or social media. Don’t put anything inflammatory in writing. Talk with her in person. Just remind her that she is still family and that you love her and her daughters. Keep the door of communication open. That may be all she needs to one day share more with you. Lead with love. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’m planning my wedding which is happening this fall. I should be excited by this point, but as we get closer to the date, I’m becoming more and more anxious about the whole thing. I met my fiancé last spring and we haven’t known each other for that long. At first, I thought it was romantic that he swept me off of my feet. But, my mom has brought to my attention that she has noticed some “red flag” behavior. Normally, my mom stays out of my business, so I take her concerns seriously. Without getting too specific, because I worry if he were to see this or if his family were to read this they would be able to identify us, I am wondering if I should postpone the wedding. I know he will be furious if that happens as his family is footing most of the bill — and it is a big bill. I am scared to confront him about this. What should I do? I feel like I may have rushed my decision to marry him, but I do love him. Is there a way out of this mess without upsetting anyone? – WEDDING JITTERS

DEAR WEDDING JITTERS: While it is normal to feel anxious leading up to a wedding, your letter sounds like you are more scared of him than nervous about marriage itself. You do not have to go through with this. You do not have to marry someone that you are unsure is a safe person to live with. You are worthy of love and you are worthy of respect. Talk to your mom about what you are feeling. If you want to break things off with him, then maybe she should be nearby when you do it. Can you do it somewhere in public? Do you have animals or children together? How can you extract yourself safely? Lean on your community and find a way out if that is what your heart is telling you to do. Love should set us free, not put us in a cage.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear