DEAR NATALIE: My mom does everything for my younger brother. He lives at home but doesn’t need to. He has a great job in finance (makes more money than me!) and doesn’t seem to have any desire to leave. Mom does everything for him. After my dad died a few years back, I think she’s been lost and lonely. He takes advantage of that. Every time I tell her that she would be better off traveling, having fun with her friends and living her life to the fullest, she uses my “poor brother” as an excuse. “He needs me,” she says. She claims because he doesn’t have a girlfriend, she has to help him. What can I do as the older sister here? I want to scream. –MAMA’S BOY

DEAR MAMA’S BOY: Have you tried mercilessly mocking him when you are around? All kidding aside, the situation is never going to get better unless mom puts her foot down. Why would he leave a place where he is treated like a little prince? This is possibly why he is single, by the way. No woman wants to cook for, clean for and baby a man – and then be expected to have sex with them. Total. Turnoff. (Sorry tradwives, I said what I said). You could approach this from a different perspective with your mother and tell her that if she keeps coddling him, he’ll never find a wife. Who would want to bring a girl home when he lives with mom – as a choice? Maybe if mom sees that she is inhibiting his ability to start a family, she may change her behavior? However, you absolutely need to have a one-on-one conversation with your brother. He needs to know that while this may seem like a fun time for him, he is actually preventing his mother from living her life. This dynamic helps no one move forward. And as a fellow oldest daughter, why can’t everyone just do what we say? We are rarely wrong. But, alas, sometimes people just have to fall on their faces a hundred times before they try a different path.

DEAR NATALIE: I love my bestie but she is OBSESSED with her body. She has always been thin, but now that the “Ozempic-effect” is a real thing, she wants to drop even more weight. Her doctor refused to give it to her because she obviously doesn’t need it, so she found another way to get it. She has lost even more weight and is constantly complaining that her stomach is bothering her. I told her to stop taking it, but she won’t listen to me. I told her to go to her doctor about her stomach, but she’s afraid the doctor will “be mad” that she took it after telling her not to. I said that’s not what matters. She is a total mess. Any chance you have a way to get through to her? I don’t want to see her suffer, it’s so sad to watch. She’s a lovely person! -O-NO

DEAR O-NO: I wish I could tell you that everything will be better for your friend if she just goes to a doctor for her stomach, but unfortunately, if she is willing to find Ozempic on her own even though it is causing her physical distress, it may not be a simple fix for her. She has some level of disordered eating or body dysmorphia and those issues won’t be cured just by stopping Ozempic. They are the very reasons she sought it out – at any cost. I would continue to gently remind her of her intrinsic value and how you just want her to be healthy and safe. I would continue to be there for her because she may end up needing to go to the hospital. All you can do is be there for her. If and when she realizes that she needs help, encourage her to talk to her doctor to connect her to a mental health specialist that focuses on body issues. But until she is ready to get help, you may just be screaming into the void.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My brother died in a bad accident on the job a few years back and his wife, Jessica, promised that we would always have a relationship with our nieces after he died. Our nieces were three and six at the time of his death. Since then, she has remarried and her new husband is very controlling. We all see it and none of us know what to say. My nieces are now 10 and 13. I’ve been close with Jess for a long time but I can feel her pulling away. It breaks my heart because my brother was a very soft spoken, kind person. To see her shift from someone so loving and be with someone who isn’t very good her or to my nieces is troubling. What can I do? They got married without any of us knowing at the courthouse last fall and we’ve been pushed out since then. Any ideas on navigating this?

– SCARED FOR SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR SCARED FOR SISTER-IN-LAW: This is a tricky situation because while you want to honor the memory of your brother and continue to have a relationship with his former wife and your nieces, her new husband is a huge obstacle to that. He sounds awful. When someone is being controlled or emotionally abused, they can start to shrink away which is exactly what is happening here. Instead of confronting her about it, try being present for her. Invite her over for a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Make plans with your nieces on your own so that her husband doesn’t have to be involved. Creating a safe space for all of them is the best thing you can do. If you overstep your bounds or speak ill of her new husband, it may get back to him. If he is as controlling as it appears, he may be monitoring her phone or social media. Don’t put anything inflammatory in writing. Talk with her in person. Just remind her that she is still family and that you love her and her daughters. Keep the door of communication open. That may be all she needs to one day share more with you. Lead with love. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’m planning my wedding which is happening this fall. I should be excited by this point, but as we get closer to the date, I’m becoming more and more anxious about the whole thing. I met my fiancé last spring and we haven’t known each other for that long. At first, I thought it was romantic that he swept me off of my feet. But, my mom has brought to my attention that she has noticed some “red flag” behavior. Normally, my mom stays out of my business, so I take her concerns seriously. Without getting too specific, because I worry if he were to see this or if his family were to read this they would be able to identify us, I am wondering if I should postpone the wedding. I know he will be furious if that happens as his family is footing most of the bill — and it is a big bill. I am scared to confront him about this. What should I do? I feel like I may have rushed my decision to marry him, but I do love him. Is there a way out of this mess without upsetting anyone? – WEDDING JITTERS

DEAR WEDDING JITTERS: While it is normal to feel anxious leading up to a wedding, your letter sounds like you are more scared of him than nervous about marriage itself. You do not have to go through with this. You do not have to marry someone that you are unsure is a safe person to live with. You are worthy of love and you are worthy of respect. Talk to your mom about what you are feeling. If you want to break things off with him, then maybe she should be nearby when you do it. Can you do it somewhere in public? Do you have animals or children together? How can you extract yourself safely? Lean on your community and find a way out if that is what your heart is telling you to do. Love should set us free, not put us in a cage.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend told me that she is thinking about leaving her husband of eight years. They have three kids and a beautiful life (at least from my vantage point). When I asked her why, she said she never got a chance to be single. She married him straight out of medical school and then they had their second baby at that point. She said that she’s exhausted playing wife and mother and wants to have an adventure. I then asked her if she was thinking of leaving her kids, too, because it sounded a little bit like she wanted to literally up and disappear. She said no but that she does want to take a long vacation away from everything and everyone. She’s sick of practicing medicine and needs a change from that, too. I think she is completely overwhelmed and just needs a break. It ended awkwardly because I told her that she was being selfish. I don’t even know why I said that, but I think I really hurt her feelings. What can I do now to fix things? I don’t want her to feel judged, even though she did catch me off guard. – LOST HER MIND

DEAR LOST HER MIND: Clearly you are still holding onto some judgment considering how you signed your letter to me. Let’s take a step back for a moment and see the big picture. She, like many people, does all the things they are told that they are “supposed to do” which is marry, have a family, build a career…and many are left wanting something “else.” Perhaps the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow isn’t as shiny and big as we think it is? Perhaps there’s no gold at all. Whatever the case may be, she sounds like she is having a breakdown and needs more than just a break. She needs a way to reconnect to herself, her inner child and find some space to build a sense of self outside of the many labels she wears that may not accurately reflect who she is. Do I think she should leave it all behind? No. I don’t think blowing up your life when you are in a crisis is a smart or healthy strategy that will bring long-term peace or fulfillment. But the first thing she needs to do is hear an apology from you. Build from there. She is going to need true friends in order to navigate her emotional waves right now. Seeing a doctor may also be a good idea. Not because she needs to numb her feelings or mask them with medication, but to gather information. There may be ways for her to realign with herself, feel better and move forward with a new purpose. Depending on how old she is, hormonal changes could also be impacting her physical and mental health, and that is another thing a doctor could address. But all of that is up to her. Your job is to stand beside her and remind her that you are there for her. Not as a therapist. Not as a judge. But as a friend. It sounds as though she needs one more than ever. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have been on and off for years. We are currently “on” and recently became pregnant with our second child after being on a break for about two months. In that time, I hooked up with someone else and then started sleeping with my ex again. He had asked if I had been with anyone else and I said no. That was a lie. Because of this situation, I am unsure if he actually is the father of this baby. I don’t know what to do, as the other guy I slept with would not be someone I would want to be with in the longterm. Should I tell my boyfriend about my situation or should I just keep it to myself? We are in a “good” place currently and I’m afraid this will ruin everything. Any ideas? – MUM’S THE WORD

DEAR MUM’S THE WORD: Trying to build a foundation on lies is like building one on sand. It will shift, something will disturb it and it will fall. Why do you both keep playing this game with each other? The yo-yo is exhausting in the long run and will cause the relationship to fizzle out. There will be resentment and anger that you wasted time and energy. Better to just tell him the truth now and put all the cards on the table. Remind him that you were “on a break” and didn’t cheat on him, but that you should not have lied to him when he asked you if you had slept with anyone during that time. Why did you lie to him? Think on that first before you share. What are you holding back from him or yourself? What truth are you afraid of? Until you can both be vulnerable with one another, this relationship won’t be able to move forward in a meaningful way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear