DEAR NATALIE: While I was recovering from cancer treatments, my husband and I agreed to make our marriage “open” temporarily since he was very unhappy that I couldn’t have sex with him. Over the last two years, I’ve battled a debilitating form of cancer that has left sex as the last thing on my mind. I am exhausted from treatments, from taking care of our children and from working. I have begged and pleaded with my husband to understand, but he has been nothing but difficult during this whole ordeal. So, finally I relented. Now that my cancer treatments are behind me, I am trying to get back to life in a more fulfilling way. I told my husband I wanted us to go to therapy and work on our relationship. I don’t want an open marriage. He became belligerent. I am not sure how to move forward here. He wants the best of both worlds. He wants a wife to take care of him, and then he wants a mistress – to take “care” of him. My children are small and I’m not in a position to support them as a single mother. What should I do? – BATTLED ENOUGH

DEAR BATTLED ENOUGH: A study published in Cancer found that divorce or separation rates were significantly higher when the female partner was ill (20.8%) compared to when the male partner was ill (2.9%). So it is no surprise to me that your husband decided his marriage vows didn’t mean that much to him. I know you said that you can’t afford to stay in this marriage, but what steps can you take to work towards financial independence? It may be better to set yourself up for success in case you do need to leave him at some point. Consult with a financial planner and see what your options could look like. In the meantime, if he won’t go to therapy with you, go by yourself. You have been through a life changing experience as well as a traumatic one. I truly hope that you are able to find a way to move forward without this toxic relationship. You deserve to be in a space of healing and I worry he will only cause you more harm. 

DEAR NATALIE: My bestie has been having a full-blown affair for about two months now. She keeps telling me she is going to stop seeing this guy, but she doesn’t. I think it is just the thrill of it. She is a beautiful woman and is married to a wonderful guy. Everyone loves them as a couple and they are so good together. But, she turned 40 and snapped. She has no interest in telling her husband what is going on and he is starting to get suspicious. He even asked me the other day if he thought that she was having an affair. It was sad. I hate lying, and while I don’t want to be involved, she is my best friend. What should I do if he asks again? – NONE OF MY BUSINESS

DEAR NONE OF MY BUSINESS: If your friend wants to blow up her marriage, that is her business. But she made it your business when her husband started asking you questions. It isn’t fair to put you in the middle of their relationship drama. You need to have a sit-down with her and let her know exactly how you feel about this. Tell her that if she wants to continue this affair, you don’t want to know anything about it because it is causing you anxiety. She can’t expect you to lie for her forever and nor should you if you don’t feel comfortable doing that. This won’t end well, but it isn’t because of you – just remember that. He’s going to find out at some point. You’re allowed to keep your side of the street clean.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show on WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My husband admitted to me that he has been having an affair. He is incredibly remorseful and was shocked that I haven’t been angrier about it. The truth of it is, I have been cheating on him for months – with a woman. I don't want to tell him anything about it. I was raised in a very Christian household and no one in my family would be able to handle me coming out as bisexual. I love my husband very much. We have a beautiful life. I get why he cheated, I think he felt lonely. I told him we would recommit to each other – but does that mean I have to give up my girlfriend? She’s also married and in a similar situation. So why can’t I just keep things as they are?

– IN THE CLOSET AND STAYING THERE

DEAR IN THE CLOSET AND STAYING THERE: I wish we lived in a society where people just felt free to be themselves and not have to hide who they are. Clearly you are both dissatisfied with your current relationship with each other. Now, does that mean you have to divorce? No, of course not. But this current trajectory isn’t serving either of you and you both may end up feeling anger or resentment towards one another as you move forward. Should you tell him the truth about your affair? Perhaps. But it doesn’t seem like you want or are ready for your life to change. Can you cool it with your girlfriend for the time being so you can work on building back your marriage? See how things feel now that he has been honest with you. Maybe his vulnerability will give you courage to speak what is on your heart because I don’t think a house built on sand will stand the test of time. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been married for about six years and we want to start a family. He recently found out that he is sterile and cannot have any children. We are afraid to tell our families because there will be a lot of shame put on us both. We can’t adopt because our families won’t accept that, either, so what do we do? My parents keep asking me why I’m not pregnant and I don’t know what to tell them. His parents are also asking the same questions. How do we navigate this? We would like to adopt but are afraid our families will disown us if we do. – COMPLICATED DYNAMICS

DEAR COMPLICATED DYNAMICS: This is an unfair situation on so many levels. Choose your family or your future child. If this is the only way for you to have a family, why should his parents or yours stop you? They are acting selfish and should not be dictating your future. And so you and your husband need to have a hard conversation. How badly do you want a child? Is it worth risking your relationships with your families? Who can you go to in your family that might be sympathetic? Perhaps a sibling, an aunt or uncle, or even a cousin? Maybe if they are there when you break it to your parents, it’ll land better. You both deserve to be happy and to have a fulfilling life together. If they can’t get onboard, they can get out of the way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I am at a total loss with one of my closest friends. She has started to date my ex-boyfriend who I was with for three years. While I have no interest in him (nor care), I think it is weird that she is unloading their problems onto me. Of course you have problems! He was awful. I also don’t understand why she is even dating him in the first place because he was so mean to me and she used to tell me to dump him. Do you think she had a crush on him the whole time? And now that we’ve broken up, she could move in on him? And why not talk to someone else about your issues — including those in the bedroom? How do I get her to stop? – I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

DEAR I DON’T WANT TO KNOW: It is wild to me that your friend would date your ex in the first place, especially considering that you dated for three years. I also don’t understand why she thought it would be acceptable for her to talk about their issues and expect you to help her with them. None of this makes sense to me at all. She knew why you broke up with him, but maybe (as they say) love truly is blind. This would cause me to question my friendship because who does this to a close friend? If she does come to you in the near future wondering how to deal with him, shut it down. Just say something like: “I understand that you are dating and that you are my friend, but I find this whole situation very uncomfortable. I am not interested in him, but in order to keep our friendship, I don’t want to talk about your relationship issues with him. It is too close to home for me.” If she respects that, great! If not, then you have to ask yourself why you are friends with someone who is so self-involved that she can’t understand why or how this would upset you. Take some space from her. 

DEAR NATALIE: My wife just came back from a trip with her friends and she has a pretty big following on social media. While she was gone, I noticed she hardly posted anything. I thought it was really weird considering she posts about travel and food as a part of her job. I asked her best friend why they didn’t take any photos and she acted really weird about it. She mumbled something about the wifi not working. I confronted my wife and she told me a similar story and that I should “stop interrogating her friends and stop being so controlling.” Do you think my wife hooked up with someone? She’s been home a week and we haven’t had sex, which is unusual for us. Every time I approach her, she just says that she’s “tired.” How do I ask her without getting shut down? – SHADY WIFE

DEAR SHADY WIFE: Something clearly happened on that trip. Maybe her bestie is covering for her.  The only way to find out is to sit down with her and ask her again. She definitely deflected when you brought it to her attention which raises red flags that something is going on. Affairs aren’t often the issue itself but a symptom of a larger obstacle in the marriage that needs to be confronted. But until you know, you can’t keep inventing stories in your mind. It will just make you feel awful. If you can’t get her to cop to it, then ask her if she would go to therapy together, instead. Perhaps with a neutral party there she will be more honest not only with you – but with herself, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show on WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear