DEAR NATALIE: My husband admitted to me that he has been having an affair. He is incredibly remorseful and was shocked that I haven’t been angrier about it. The truth of it is, I have been cheating on him for months – with a woman. I don't want to tell him anything about it. I was raised in a very Christian household and no one in my family would be able to handle me coming out as bisexual. I love my husband very much. We have a beautiful life. I get why he cheated, I think he felt lonely. I told him we would recommit to each other – but does that mean I have to give up my girlfriend? She’s also married and in a similar situation. So why can’t I just keep things as they are?

– IN THE CLOSET AND STAYING THERE

DEAR IN THE CLOSET AND STAYING THERE: I wish we lived in a society where people just felt free to be themselves and not have to hide who they are. Clearly you are both dissatisfied with your current relationship with each other. Now, does that mean you have to divorce? No, of course not. But this current trajectory isn’t serving either of you and you both may end up feeling anger or resentment towards one another as you move forward. Should you tell him the truth about your affair? Perhaps. But it doesn’t seem like you want or are ready for your life to change. Can you cool it with your girlfriend for the time being so you can work on building back your marriage? See how things feel now that he has been honest with you. Maybe his vulnerability will give you courage to speak what is on your heart because I don’t think a house built on sand will stand the test of time. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been married for about six years and we want to start a family. He recently found out that he is sterile and cannot have any children. We are afraid to tell our families because there will be a lot of shame put on us both. We can’t adopt because our families won’t accept that, either, so what do we do? My parents keep asking me why I’m not pregnant and I don’t know what to tell them. His parents are also asking the same questions. How do we navigate this? We would like to adopt but are afraid our families will disown us if we do. – COMPLICATED DYNAMICS

DEAR COMPLICATED DYNAMICS: This is an unfair situation on so many levels. Choose your family or your future child. If this is the only way for you to have a family, why should his parents or yours stop you? They are acting selfish and should not be dictating your future. And so you and your husband need to have a hard conversation. How badly do you want a child? Is it worth risking your relationships with your families? Who can you go to in your family that might be sympathetic? Perhaps a sibling, an aunt or uncle, or even a cousin? Maybe if they are there when you break it to your parents, it’ll land better. You both deserve to be happy and to have a fulfilling life together. If they can’t get onboard, they can get out of the way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I am at a total loss with one of my closest friends. She has started to date my ex-boyfriend who I was with for three years. While I have no interest in him (nor care), I think it is weird that she is unloading their problems onto me. Of course you have problems! He was awful. I also don’t understand why she is even dating him in the first place because he was so mean to me and she used to tell me to dump him. Do you think she had a crush on him the whole time? And now that we’ve broken up, she could move in on him? And why not talk to someone else about your issues — including those in the bedroom? How do I get her to stop? – I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

DEAR I DON’T WANT TO KNOW: It is wild to me that your friend would date your ex in the first place, especially considering that you dated for three years. I also don’t understand why she thought it would be acceptable for her to talk about their issues and expect you to help her with them. None of this makes sense to me at all. She knew why you broke up with him, but maybe (as they say) love truly is blind. This would cause me to question my friendship because who does this to a close friend? If she does come to you in the near future wondering how to deal with him, shut it down. Just say something like: “I understand that you are dating and that you are my friend, but I find this whole situation very uncomfortable. I am not interested in him, but in order to keep our friendship, I don’t want to talk about your relationship issues with him. It is too close to home for me.” If she respects that, great! If not, then you have to ask yourself why you are friends with someone who is so self-involved that she can’t understand why or how this would upset you. Take some space from her. 

DEAR NATALIE: My wife just came back from a trip with her friends and she has a pretty big following on social media. While she was gone, I noticed she hardly posted anything. I thought it was really weird considering she posts about travel and food as a part of her job. I asked her best friend why they didn’t take any photos and she acted really weird about it. She mumbled something about the wifi not working. I confronted my wife and she told me a similar story and that I should “stop interrogating her friends and stop being so controlling.” Do you think my wife hooked up with someone? She’s been home a week and we haven’t had sex, which is unusual for us. Every time I approach her, she just says that she’s “tired.” How do I ask her without getting shut down? – SHADY WIFE

DEAR SHADY WIFE: Something clearly happened on that trip. Maybe her bestie is covering for her.  The only way to find out is to sit down with her and ask her again. She definitely deflected when you brought it to her attention which raises red flags that something is going on. Affairs aren’t often the issue itself but a symptom of a larger obstacle in the marriage that needs to be confronted. But until you know, you can’t keep inventing stories in your mind. It will just make you feel awful. If you can’t get her to cop to it, then ask her if she would go to therapy together, instead. Perhaps with a neutral party there she will be more honest not only with you – but with herself, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show on WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been with my boyfriend now for five months and we talk about getting married. But he just told me that his wife (of three years) is pregnant and he just can’t fathom leaving her right now. Plus, he said that he wants to be there for his kids and he’s getting cold feet about telling her about us. I told him I will tell her if he doesn’t, and now he is threatening to break up with me and “make my life hell” if I do that. He is a powerful person in the community. I thought he loved me and now I am not sure what I should do. I love him and want to be with him. He said he would leave her so why is he backing out of this? Don’t you think he just needs a push? He said she makes him miserable and we are so happy together. What do you think he should do? –NOT THE OTHER WOMAN

DEAR NOT THE OTHER WOMAN: If he is lying to his pregnant wife about this “relationship,” then why would you expect him to be honest with you about his timeline on leaving her? This man is a liar, he’s a cheat and he’s gaslighting you. Walk away from this pile of red flags and do some soul searching as to why you wanted to be the “other woman” in the first place. Is it the thrill of it? Is it low self-esteem? A fear of commitment? Whatever the reasoning, recognize your role in this. If you want a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling, it will not start by engaging in a long-term affair with someone who is backing out of leaving his pregnant wife. You were a good time on the side. Don’t you deserve more than that? 

DEAR NATALIE: One of my best friends is getting married this fall and she is planning a pretty extravagant wedding. She wants to do her bachelorette party in Vegas and stay at this beautiful hotel, go to the spa, enjoy expensive dinners – you get the idea. I am in her bridal party and it is expected of me to attend, but my bank account doesn’t agree. I work so much (and so hard) but with the increased cost of everything skyrocketing, I just don’t think this will be in my budget. Not by a long shot. I can’t justify or afford to spend $3,000 or more for a weekend trip. I talked to my husband and he agrees that it just doesn’t make financial sense right now. How do I let her down gently? She is so excited and I feel terrible about it. Thoughts? – TOO RICH FOR THIS BISH

DEAR TOO RICH FOR THIS BISH: I really can’t handle these over-the-top, let-them-eat-cake bachelorette experiences right now. In this economy? Are you out of your mind? You have every right to hit the panic button when looking at the cost. I appreciate your friend wanting to live it up. She should do whatever she wants for her special day. And if she was footing the bill, then by all means this would be a different conversation entirely. But to expect her friends to spend thousands of dollars to be with her in Vegas for a weekend is a huge, unrealistic ask. Send her a lovely bottle of champagne from you when she arrives to her hotel. You are under no obligation to live beyond your means to indulge your friend. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear