DEAR NATALIE: My husband canceled plans for Valentine’s Day this past weekend. We were supposed to go to a bed and breakfast out of town and spend a few nights together. We live incredibly busy lives and our children are finally at the age where we can leave them with my parents for a few nights without worry. But, as we were ready to leave, he told me there was a “work commitment” that came up. He left that afternoon without me and didn’t come home for the whole weekend. He has been acting funny ever since. When I brought it up, he denied doing anything wrong and told me I had to stop questioning his every move. I asked to see his phone. I assumed he was having an affair but it was actually worse. There are issues in his business and apparently his company is in major financial and potential legal trouble. He hasn’t apologized for ruining our weekend and he hasn’t filled me in on what is going on with his company since we argued. What should I do? I can’t just turn a blind eye to the reality that we could lose everything. How do I get him to open up to me? – MONEY TROUBLE

DEAR MONEY TROUBLE: I wonder how long he has been keeping secrets? This didn’t happen overnight, but now that it is out in the open, he might as well come clean about whatever is going on. Perhaps you can’t help the business, but you could be there to support him through this. Marriage is about being a team, and right now he is acting like an adversary. Maybe he’s embarrassed. Maybe he’s scared. Whatever he’s feeling, he should be sharing it with you so you can work on finding a solution together. Keeping you in the dark not only makes him look more guilty, but it creates a wedge which could harm your marriage. He also needs to apologize for ruining your Valentine’s Day weekend. I would confront this head on. Say something like, “I know things have been challenging, but hiding from me and canceling plans without warning and with no apology only worsens the situation. We are in this together and need to start acting like it. What can you share with me right now so I can understand why you are behaving so out of character?” Until he is willing to acknowledge the hurt he’s caused you and how these lies are impacting your marriage, I don’t know how you can forge a way forward. The fact that he thought he could avoid speaking to you about it boggles my mind. Here’s hoping that he recognizes the moment he is in, takes accountability for his actions at work and at home, and makes the decision to course correct before it’s too late. And you should have a good divorce attorney on standby, just in case. 

DEAR NATALIE: My sister-in-law plays favorites with my niece and nephew. She clearly favors her son over her daughter and it shows. She is constantly talking about how “smart” and “funny” Jeff is, while being hypercritical of her daughter, Rose. Rose is seven. Jeff is ten. I don’t understand how she can treat them so differently, but she says she’s trying to make Rose “tough for this world” and coddling her won’t do any good. I don’t approve of this approach and I have talked to my brother about it. He adores both his kids and Rose is a total “daddy’s girl.” Do you think she’s just jealous of the bond Rose has with my brother and is taking out her frustrations? Or do you think she really believes she is doing what’s “best” for Rose? I worry she will just grow resentful of her mother and close off emotionally to others. What should I do? – PROTECT ROSE 

DEAR PROTECT ROSE: The world is hard enough and what children need is a soft place to land. You can prepare your kids for the world by being their biggest supporter, not their first critic. Growing up, my mother always told us to dream big, work hard and do our best. If we did our best, she was proud. Period. The outcome didn’t matter. She never criticized us. She provided constructive feedback as we got older and needed guardrails, but she never shut us down. Your sister-in-law is right. Her job is to prepare her for the world. A world that is increasingly hostile to women and girls. And what better way to do that than build her confidence and her voice. And if she won’t provide that, you as her aunt can be that soft place to land. I hope your niece, Rose, recognizes what a gift she is just by being. And if your sister-in-law can’t see that, I feel sorry for her.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: My wife is completely overworked. I keep telling her that we should hire a cleaning service or a meal delivery service, but she “insists” on doing everything. She works full time in academia and sits on several boards. We have three sons and they are constantly asking her to drive them places, take them to classes and events. I am self-employed and work from home most days. I keep telling her to take time for herself, but she just says, “How?” Whenever I offer to help, she flips out about how I do things (load the dishwasher, run the laundry, etc.) and so I just think it’s easier if I don’t help. I’m not sure what else to do, but it’s clearly impacting our marriage and her health. Any tips? – SHE NEEDS HELP

DEAR SHE NEEDS HELP:“Help” seems to be the key word here. When a man says he will “help” his wife around the home, it implies the following:

1. Domestic responsibilities are primarily hers and that reinforces outdated gender stereotypes that these are inherently her duties, rather than a shared responsibility in a partnership.

2. It minimizes the labor that she is doing in the home and overlooks it as a valuable part of keeping the household running. 

3. It undermines an equal partnership, implying that you are doing her some kind of “favor” by helping her instead of seeing it as a normal part of being an equal in a relationship. 

If you want a happy wife and a happy life, I suggest you stop helping and start taking initiative. Instead of asking her what she needs done, look around the house and do it. You can start dinner. You can get the kids from soccer practice. You can change the sheets and clean the bathroom. You can start a chore sheet for your sons so they don’t grow up thinking that the woman in their life is also their personal maid, chauffeur and chef. Step up. She may be resistant at first because change is hard, but don’t let that stop you from showing her that you value what she does and who she is – as an equal partner in life, work, and at home. 

DEAR NATALIE: I love my brother but he has a bad drinking problem. At our last family visit, he was holding my one-year-old daughter and tripped. I didn’t realize he had shown up to my house drunk and he fell with her in his arms. She was fine, thank goodness, but now I don’t want him near her. My sister’s birthday is next weekend and I told her that if he is invited, then we aren’t coming. She was shocked that I would take such a firm stand, but he crossed a line by putting my daughter – his niece – in harm’s way. I love my brother. He is a wonderful person. But I feel that if I don’t create some kind of a “bottom” or at the very least a boundary, then nothing will change. Ever since his wife left him last year, he’s gotten much worse. At first, I blamed her. And now, I realize why she left. What do we do to help him? – VERY SCARED

DEAR VERY SCARED: You are allowed to both love your brother and also set a healthy boundary with him in order to keep your family safe. It is a terrible thing to watch a loved ones struggling with addiction, and unfortunately, they usually can’t get on a road to recovery until they are ready. Your sister’s dynamic with him may be different than your own, but your fears and frustrations are valid. If you don’t go to the event and your brother does go, he can ask as to why you weren’t there. He may not like the reason, but guess what? You don’t like him tripping and falling while holding your baby, either. Stand your ground. I hope in time he seeks treatment so that he can be a part of your life, and your daughter’s, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

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DEAR NATALIE: My daughter and my husband are not speaking right now. She was offered a full ride at a prestigious university and has instead decided to “pursue music.” She wants to move out of state and see if she can “make it” in the industry. My husband and I have always supported her musical talents. She is a gifted songwriter and guitarist. She also sings beautifully. But the idea of throwing away an education at a top university makes no sense to either of us. We are refusing to support her financially if she does this and so she isn’t speaking to my husband at this point and barely speaking to me. How do we convince her that she can get a degree and continue to pursue music in her free time? This opportunity won’t come around again and I’m afraid she’s too young to see that. Any advice? – OUT OF TUNE

DEAR OUT OF TUNE: As someone who grew up in a household where education was valued and prioritized, I can understand your concerns and frustrations with your daughter wanting to throw away a free ride to college – especially knowing how expensive it is in this country to attend a university. It’s great that she feels so passionately about her music. And while I agree with you that these opportunities may not come around again, she has to make her own choices. You are allowed to set financial boundaries with her, as well. This may be enough to deter her from giving up on a full ride to college completely once she sits with the fact that you both aren’t budging. She could major in music if she wanted. She’d gain valuable insights into her craft and strengthen her resolve to commit to her work. Look at award-winning musician John Legend, for example. He attended the University of Pennsylvania and went on to have a huge career in music. These two things do not have to be mutually exclusive. Hopefully, she will come around to understand that. And if she doesn't’? Wish her the very best and all the success in the world…but you don’t have to financially float her along the way.

DEAR NATALIE: My brother and sister have not been on good terms for a few years and my sister recently died. He’s in total denial about what happened and is blaming me for not telling him that she was so ill. The reality is, I have told him. I’ve told his wife and his kids, too. But anytime I would bring up her name, he would shut me down. How is this my fault? I told him to call our sister. This whole situation was a misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion between them. How do I convince him that I only wanted them to make peace? It’s his guilt that is causing him to lash out, but don’t I deserve time to mourn our sister, too? – MAKE PEACE

DEAR MAKE PEACE: Familial relationships can be difficult to navigate, but your brother made his choices and now he has to live with them. Maybe that sounds cold, but you have your own grief to deal with. He has to come to terms with how things ended. I hope he goes to therapy to unpack why he let this wound between your sister and himself fester for so long. Perhaps this will be a wake up call to not make the same mistake with you. But in any case, he has no right to lash out at you and if he does, cut him off and walk away. You don’t have to take any abusive behavior from anyone – even your brother. If he can’t share how he feels in a constructive way, then take a break from him. Work on your own sense of peace. I am sorry for your loss.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear