DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been trying for a baby now for months and nothing is happening. His family is very traditional (and very wealthy) and expects their grandchildren to “carry on” their legacy of the family businesses. I have been tested for fertility issues and everything is fine on my end. We recently realized that it is my husband’s issue causing us to not be able to become pregnant. Of course, I don’t blame him, this is just how things go. However, he is very embarrassed and wants to blame me when we are around his family as to why we can’t conceive. I told him that wasn’t fair or accurate. He said if we don’t have a baby, then our passive income from his family will be substantially reduced. I make a very good living and don’t care that much about his family’s money, especially if these are the terms attached to it. It has put a huge strain on our marriage. I love him very much and we’ve been together six years, but I won’t be his family’s punching bag. How do I get him to share the truth about the situation with his family and explore other options so that we can have a family which we both want? – IT’S COMPLICATED

DEAR IT’S COMPLICATED: Relationships with in-laws can be challenging and when they hold financial purse strings, things can become very entangled quickly. I’m sorry your husband feels embarrassed, but that is something that he needs to sort out on his own instead of using you as a human shield. I would tell him that if his family brings it up again — and if he isn’t honest about what’s going on — you will be. It isn’t right for him to throw you under the bus. That isn’t love. If he balks at the idea, then you need to ask him what his plan is moving forward. Can doctors help with his infertility? If so, what is the plan? If this is something that can’t be dealt with, is adoption on the table? How about a sperm donor? It is a red flag  that he isn’t willing to protect you in this situation. You need to have a hard look at this and ask yourself if you really want to have a child with this man. If he always is putting his own comfort and fears first, where does that leave you and a potential child? Will the enmeshment with his parents only get worse once a baby arrives? And why should they have the right to dictate any of this, anyway? You are willing to walking away from the money…but is he? And if not, what does that say about “for richer for poorer” in those vows he took? 

DEAR NATALIE: After years of being a serial monogamist, I’m trying to date casually. It’s part of my personality to open up quickly, but I don’t know how to be open while keeping some of my cards close to my chest. How can I still show up as my authentic self, while not getting too vulnerable too quickly? How do I even know how vulnerable “too vulnerable” is? I’m open to things getting serious with the right person, but I guess I don’t know how to keep things more distant other than maintaining my own time boundaries. I had my heart broken in my last relationship so I am wary to dive into something intense again for a while. My friends said it’s useless and I might as well accept that I don’t know how to just have fun without commitment. Any advice? – TRYING TO HAVE FUN 

DEAR TRYING TO HAVE FUN: There are just some people in this world who are “relationship” people and that’s ok! You don’t have to be anything that you aren’t. But because you’ve been burned in the past, I understand your trepidation. Perhaps instead of trying to date others casually, what about dating yourself for a while? Take yourself out on solo dates. Hang out with friends and family who love you and want the best for you. Cultivate some hobbies or things you love to work on. Then, if the right person comes along, there will still be time for them, but you will have other things that you enjoy and want to focus your energy on, too, so it won’t be as difficult to tell them that you “have plans.” There is nothing wrong with being a person who is vulnerable, emotive and committed. But finding someone who is worthy of that vulnerability and emotional commitment is the reason it may be good to set some healthy boundaries for yourself while you get to know them. My grandma used to always say, “Weather someone for a year before you make up your mind about them,” and I couldn’t agree more. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been an elementary school teacher for 10 years and am noticing some sad and scary trends in my students in the last few years. They seem to be more violent with me and with other students. They are also less able to talk about their reasons for being upset. I’ve talked to the principal a number of times but he is relatively unsympathetic. I imagine this is because he just takes the same disciplinary action he has always taken, which I don’t really believe changes or improves their action. I don’t have the training I need to de-escalate situations, nor am I a social worker. How can I learn to work better with these kids, and get the support I need from my district?

– TEACH THE TEACHER

DEAR TEACH THE TEACHER: While this is naturally a time of life where a little rebellion is expected, it is not okay for students to be violent or aggressive with any teacher or with one another. Unfortunately, there are so many systemic issues plaguing young people that it is hard to tease out what is coming from them and what is weighing on them from the outside world. Some students may be experiencing hardships at home, like a lack of stable housing or consistent meals. Perhaps they have recently gone through a tragedy or have underlying mental health issues that aren’t being fully addressed for one reason or another. They could be isolating themselves through social media and video games, avoiding social interactions and thereby becoming less equipped to deal with people in real life. So what can you do? I firmly believe that we have to meet people where they are. Having worked as a social worker in school settings with the young people (mostly boys) who I was working with in their homes, it took a long time to build trust. Most of my interactions I found went best when we were doing something with our hands, whether it was drawing or writing or playing a game. I don’t know how you can incorporate experiential learning into your classroom setting, but it could be an interesting way to help them shift their thought patterns and activate them in different ways. I also found that once I did build trust, I couldn’t get them to stop talking – which was a good problem to have. But there are ups and downs and depending on the situation, you may never make much progress, especially when you are in a classroom setting and not participating in intensive therapy sessions. As for your district, my grandmother used to say, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” I recommend you just keep at it. I hate to say wear them down, but knowing what I know about the school system, you have to be relentless to get the support you need. None of this is a guarantee, but I would also encourage you to reach out to other educators for support and advice to see what they do in their classrooms to make it a more welcoming environment for students to learn. Teachers are my heroes and I hope someday not only do you get the support you need in your classroom setting, but that we fund schools properly and pay you what you deserve. 

DEAR NATALIE: Lately my life partner has seemed a bit more cynical than usual. He seems to be getting caught up in conspiracy theories, and is straying away from the news stations and reporters he used to listen to. I totally understand his skepticism – I have a healthy dose of it myself – but I feel like he’s crossed a few lines of what I think is reasonable. I’ve told him that he might want to be careful about sharing these opinions openly, especially online. Honestly, I don’t feel like I have any news outlets I want to recommend to him that offer fair and balanced reporting – I get most of my information on social media. How can I help before he goes too far off the deep end?

– OFF THE DEEP END

DEAR OFF THE DEEP END: On my KDKA radio show, I have a regular segment with a colleague where we talk about media and manipulation. She is a fellow journalist and also a professor at a university. We discuss media literacy quite a bit because it is easy for anyone – and I mean anyone – to share or buy into misinformation. No matter where you get your news from, but especially if it is from social media, it is important that we check our sources. Here are some tips to avoid misinformation online: 1. Check the source. Be wary of those that have a political agenda. 2. Look for collaboration…can you find this information in other spaces? 3. Check the date because the news travels fast and it could already be obsolete. 4. Consider the language and how sensationalized it might be. Too good (or bad) to be true? It probably is. 5. There are fact-checking resources online like snopes, factcheck.org and politifact that I use to help when I’m unsure of something’s credibility. And most importantly, we need to check our own biases and recognize that it is okay to adjust beliefs based on new evidence-based information that we gather. Often, the reason people buy into conspiracy theories is because they fit into their preferred world view or provide a sense of control in an out-of-control world. The best thing you can do is to encourage him to practice those steps laid out above. Working through misinformation together and sharing that process with him will make it feel like you are doing the work together and not accusing him of buying into “fake news.” When we are an educated population, we are less able to be manipulated by the powers that be. Reclaiming that power starts with our own understanding of media literacy. Good luck!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I recently had dinner at a friend’s house who recently had COVID. I told him I wanted to wait 14 days from when he first tested positive, which he was understanding about. But then, I found out that our friend we were planning dinner with, hung out with him only five days after he had tested positive. I explained to him when he first tested positive that I didn’t think that five days was safe enough, and that they would be putting themselves at risk of getting other people sick if they were unmasked and in public. Now, after having dinner, I don’t feel like I can trust them. It feels hard to be the only one in my social circle that is aware of COVID in this way, and it feels worse to feel like I was lied to. What should I do?

– FEELING ALONE 

DEAR FEELING ALONE: Before the naysayers come for me in the comment section, the CDC recommended – before big business got involved for fear of losing labor – at least a ten day isolation period when someone contracted COVID. So waiting two weeks (whenever possible) before seeing someone who had COVID is not only reasonable, it’s responsible. The reality is, you and I are in the minority of people who are taking this very real threat seriously. I understand why you feel as though they weren’t being completely honest, and I know it is an awful when the people we care about disappoint us. Remember, however, you can’t control everyone’s actions or their decisions. It is impossible to individually lift ourselves out of a collective global pandemic, but I would recommend doing the following: 1. Meet friends outdoors and wear a mask. 2. Bring extra masks for  your friends when you see them. Often, my friends will ask me if I have a mask when they see me wearing one, so I always have extra. 3. If you meet indoors, open windows, run an air purifier and limit your exposure even if masked. Beyond that, continue to find COVID-cautious people out in the world. They exist — and there’s more of us than you realize — who are fighting the good fight to keep us all safe and healthy. The public health response and lack of government support has been appalling and embarrassing on every level, but that doesn't mean we give into despair. We look for community, we build bridges with people who are open to taking precautions but maybe don’t know how and we stay educated on the latest developments. We will find a way forward here. I just hope we can reduce the suffering along the way.

DEAR NATALIE: Recently, I was reading a nationally distributed magazine and realized that my ex, who is a writer, had written a story that included details about our relationship. She didn’t name me, but people who know her will know that it’s about me. It includes the narrative and details of a fight we got into a few years ago. It definitely wasn’t my finest moment, but she has painted me in a harsh light. She asked me a while back to not contact her. After reading it, one of our mutual friends told me that if I didn’t want it to be written about, then I shouldn’t have acted that way. I feel hurt and uncomfortable. I want to get revenge. What can I do?

– PUBLICLY SHAMED

DEAR PUBLICLY SHAMED: I don’t know what I’m more infuriated by – your ex for writing about you or your friend shaming you about what happened. I understand why you would feel hurt and uncomfortable. I don’t recommend seeking revenge. In fact, I recommend you staying as far away from this whole situation as possible. Why? It’s clear to me that any interaction with your ex could end up in their next column. Because they painted you in such an unflattering light and have the upper hand with the large platform they have, I don’t see anything positive coming out of this for you. Instead, can we take a step back and try to look at what happened dispassionately. What can you learn from this experience? You said that whatever happened in the past “wasn’t your finest moment.” Reflect on that. Was it your temper? Did you say things you regret? Did you physically do something that you wish you could take back? How can you avoid situations like this in the future? If you can look at this in that framework, it may help you in your healing process. As far as your friend who shamed you for what happened, I would let them know that their comment hurt you. Take a step back from that friendship for a while and reassess who you want in your life because while it’s fine to have our friends help us grow, we don’t need people kicking us when we are down.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga