DEAR NATALIE: I hope all is well. I need some wedding advice. My cousin and her husband RSVPed yes to our wedding which is happening this weekend. We received an UPS package yesterday with the board game, Sorry. Attached was a letter saying she cannot attend because she is going to a different party for another family member. She did this during my brother's wedding, as well. I want to complain to her mom. However, I am concerned that she would think it’s funny. Should I say anything to my cousin? I could have invited another couple that we wanted there but can’t because it is too late. Why are people so rude? – ANNOYED

DEAR ANNOYED: It’s odd to me that she sends you the game of Sorry. It seems flippant and even a little snarky. But I don’t know your cousin, so perhaps this is how she operates. In any case, it is rude for her to do this to you at the last minute – and to admit that she is going to another family function, instead? That is hurtful and unnecessary. I hope she is sending you a really nice gift from the registry to make up for her cancellation to your wedding. People need to recognize that weddings are costly and take months of planning. Canceling less than a week before the event when it is not an emergency takes a lack of self awareness on another level. Take the high road for now, but I wouldn’t be inviting this cousin to any more events that you host. And if they ask why? Feel free to remind them how they can’t be counted on.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m four months pregnant and all my partner’s parents will talk about is wanting to do a gender reveal party. I don’t want to do this because it doesn’t align with my values – I think making a big display of the baby’s gender is outdated and reductive. My in-laws live far away, so I’m not too worried about them trying to enforce their gendered stereotypes on our baby at all times. But, I feel they want more control over this than they should have. My partner’s parents are really helpful in many ways, and I care about them, despite the fact that we have some different social and political views. My partner is curious about the sex of our future baby but is definitely not pressing me on it. How can I tell them that “my body, my choice” extends to this, too? – BABY ON BOARD DEAR BABY ON BOARD: I also cringe when I see these over-the-top, very public gender reveal parties for babies. It seems antiquated at best and tone deaf at worst. Plus, there is something magical and fun about “not knowing.” There are so few surprises left in life, so why not relish in the anticipation of who this little person will be? I would play up that angle with his family so that you don’t bring more unnecessary stress or drama into your space. Let them know that you want to just enjoy the experience without expectations. Your baby will be here soon enough and if you want to relish in this moment as is, that is your call. It sounds as though your partner is an easier sell on this, and gently reminding everyone that you are – and rightfully should be – in the driver’s seat of what is happening with your body. What you say is final so everyone needs to get onboard. Like most things in life, they’ll get over it in the long run.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her weekly radio show every Saturday from

2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, and 100.1FM.

You can stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her weekly video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My child recently came out to my wife and I as trans. They are 17 years old and I’ve known for a long time that they were “different.” She isn’t handling it very well, however, and said it feels like the person she knew never existed and is dead to her. She doesn’t want to accept what is happening and I am not sure how to support her in this. The last thing that I want is for our child to run away, feel unsupported or harm themselves because of her lack of acceptance. My wife won’t even talk to them right now and I can’t stand the tension in our house. They are our only child and the thought of losing them kills me. I also hate to see my wife so distraught. I wish I could get her to see that our child is still our child. What can I do? I honestly feel caught in the middle and like I’m losing them both. – HARD TRANSITION

DEAR HARD TRANSITION: Thank you for standing with your child and acknowledging who they are in their full humanity. I am sorry to hear that your wife is having a harder time coming to terms with these changes but “grieving” their perceived loss can be part of the process for some people. While I would encourage you to seek out family therapy with someone who specializes in these delicate issues, it is important to continue to affirm your child’s identity. Utilizing proper pronouns, using the name they have given themselves and supporting them through this is an act of love. Hopefully in time, your wife will recognize that her child is still here and still hers. I hope she recognizes the courage it took for you child to stand in their truth and authentic self. She raised a child who felt empowered enough to embrace themselves fully. I just hope she does the same. A parent’s love can and does move mountains.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband recently discovered that he had a child through one of the DNA ancestry kits. They are grown and married and have a family of their own. My husband doesn’t want to meet them, but our children are very curious about their new half-sibling. My youngest daughter, in particular, wants to make the drive (they live in a neighboring state) to visit with them. My husband is adamantly against this, saying that his “indiscretion” was from years ago before he met me or before we had our family, and he doesn’t want to muddy the waters. I am not upset by any of this and understand my husband had a life before I came into the picture. Why do you think he is so against this? I am willing to go with my daughter to meet my stepchild, but I know they’d really like to meet their biological father. Do you think there is any way to convince my husband to open his heart up to this? Not saying we have to be “one big happy family” but wouldn’t it be nice to meet up once or twice a year? What’s the harm in that? – WE HAVE ROOM 

DEAR WE HAVE ROOM: I don’t have any idea what his relationship with his ex is like, but the fact that she had a child and didn’t tell him leads me to believe that they didn’t end on a positive note. Is he being honest with himself about the relationship and is he afraid to confront his past? Perhaps. In any case, it isn’t fair to push him into a situation or dynamic that he had no knowledge about and isn’t comfortable with. It may be best to let him come to terms with this situation and shocking news on his own timeline instead of trying to force him into a relationship that he doesn’t want. While your daughter might be curious about her new family member, let the dust settle a bit before you take her for a visit. Maybe first start with a Zoom meeting or FaceTime with them. This could soften the edges a bit, and who knows? Maybe your husband will overhear the conversation and become curious. Until he decides to take that first step on his own, though, tread lightly. This is a lot to digest and he may just need time to sort it all out. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and my husband (of 20 years) said “he didn’t sign up to be a nurse” and has been very unsupportive during this horrific ordeal. My prognosis is good and I’ve been leaning on my parents and my friends who have been absolutely wonderful. We have two boys who are both in their 20s. They have been very helpful, taking me to appointments and researching things for me. They are also very angry at their father for the way he is treating me. My oldest son told me that I should leave him. I am so disheartened. We had a good marriage for the most part, but I can’t even look at him right now without feeling so enraged. Of course my doctors are telling me I need to be as calm and stress-free as possible. But how is that possible with how my marriage is? Any advice on what to do? – CANCER IS HELL 

DEAR CANCER IS HELL: Apparently your husband didn’t take his marriage vows “in sickness and in health” very seriously. If there was ever a moment to put yourself and your needs first – this is the time. He either needs to get onboard with supporting you, or he can move out. If your kids and your family are in your corner, then it is on him to make the change. Perhaps he is in denial about what is happening. Perhaps he is afraid to face reality. But in any case, you are having to face it. And it would be a lot easier if you had a loving, supportive partner in your corner. There are plenty of support groups for spouses who are dealing with cancer, as well. He doesn’t have to go it alone. But if he is unwilling to care for you in your time of need – then this isn’t a marriage worth saving.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have recently separated and I just found out that I’m pregnant. I am not happy about this pregnancy and do not want to keep it. He feels as though it is a sign from God and that we should get back together. We separated because he is emotionally and physically abusive, and I couldn’t take it anymore. We were both raised in Christian fundamentalist homes, but after a few years of marriage, I have pulled way back from the church. I can’t imagine raising a child with him or within the church. I live in a “blue” state and have already made an appointment for an abortion. He’s threatening to tell my family if I have one. He knows that’ll push them over the edge and disown me. I am trapped. What do I do? – ABORT NOW

DEAR ABORT NOW: I don’t blame you for not wanting to bring a child into an abusive marriage. If you don’t want to raise your child as a fundamentalist Christian, why would you want to have a baby with an abuser who does? I’m so sorry to hear that your family has also bought into this hideous way of thinking. If you can’t lean on them for their love and compassion in this moment, then maybe a step back from them is a good thing. If you have access to abortion care and can afford to do it, then move forward with whatever plan is going to bring you peace. You don’t need his permission or your family’s. If someone controls your body, then what do you have? Nothing. Stand up for what you want and get out of that marriage. If you have a friend you can trust, lean on them. You can always start again and have a family in a more nurturing and loving environment if you so choose in the future. Don’t let this man or your family convince you otherwise. Abortion is freedom.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga