DEAR NATALIE: My child recently came out to my wife and I as trans. They are 17 years old and I’ve known for a long time that they were “different.” She isn’t handling it very well, however, and said it feels like the person she knew never existed and is dead to her. She doesn’t want to accept what is happening and I am not sure how to support her in this. The last thing that I want is for our child to run away, feel unsupported or harm themselves because of her lack of acceptance. My wife won’t even talk to them right now and I can’t stand the tension in our house. They are our only child and the thought of losing them kills me. I also hate to see my wife so distraught. I wish I could get her to see that our child is still our child. What can I do? I honestly feel caught in the middle and like I’m losing them both. – HARD TRANSITION

DEAR HARD TRANSITION: Thank you for standing with your child and acknowledging who they are in their full humanity. I am sorry to hear that your wife is having a harder time coming to terms with these changes but “grieving” their perceived loss can be part of the process for some people. While I would encourage you to seek out family therapy with someone who specializes in these delicate issues, it is important to continue to affirm your child’s identity. Utilizing proper pronouns, using the name they have given themselves and supporting them through this is an act of love. Hopefully in time, your wife will recognize that her child is still here and still hers. I hope she recognizes the courage it took for you child to stand in their truth and authentic self. She raised a child who felt empowered enough to embrace themselves fully. I just hope she does the same. A parent’s love can and does move mountains.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband recently discovered that he had a child through one of the DNA ancestry kits. They are grown and married and have a family of their own. My husband doesn’t want to meet them, but our children are very curious about their new half-sibling. My youngest daughter, in particular, wants to make the drive (they live in a neighboring state) to visit with them. My husband is adamantly against this, saying that his “indiscretion” was from years ago before he met me or before we had our family, and he doesn’t want to muddy the waters. I am not upset by any of this and understand my husband had a life before I came into the picture. Why do you think he is so against this? I am willing to go with my daughter to meet my stepchild, but I know they’d really like to meet their biological father. Do you think there is any way to convince my husband to open his heart up to this? Not saying we have to be “one big happy family” but wouldn’t it be nice to meet up once or twice a year? What’s the harm in that? – WE HAVE ROOM 

DEAR WE HAVE ROOM: I don’t have any idea what his relationship with his ex is like, but the fact that she had a child and didn’t tell him leads me to believe that they didn’t end on a positive note. Is he being honest with himself about the relationship and is he afraid to confront his past? Perhaps. In any case, it isn’t fair to push him into a situation or dynamic that he had no knowledge about and isn’t comfortable with. It may be best to let him come to terms with this situation and shocking news on his own timeline instead of trying to force him into a relationship that he doesn’t want. While your daughter might be curious about her new family member, let the dust settle a bit before you take her for a visit. Maybe first start with a Zoom meeting or FaceTime with them. This could soften the edges a bit, and who knows? Maybe your husband will overhear the conversation and become curious. Until he decides to take that first step on his own, though, tread lightly. This is a lot to digest and he may just need time to sort it all out. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and my husband (of 20 years) said “he didn’t sign up to be a nurse” and has been very unsupportive during this horrific ordeal. My prognosis is good and I’ve been leaning on my parents and my friends who have been absolutely wonderful. We have two boys who are both in their 20s. They have been very helpful, taking me to appointments and researching things for me. They are also very angry at their father for the way he is treating me. My oldest son told me that I should leave him. I am so disheartened. We had a good marriage for the most part, but I can’t even look at him right now without feeling so enraged. Of course my doctors are telling me I need to be as calm and stress-free as possible. But how is that possible with how my marriage is? Any advice on what to do? – CANCER IS HELL 

DEAR CANCER IS HELL: Apparently your husband didn’t take his marriage vows “in sickness and in health” very seriously. If there was ever a moment to put yourself and your needs first – this is the time. He either needs to get onboard with supporting you, or he can move out. If your kids and your family are in your corner, then it is on him to make the change. Perhaps he is in denial about what is happening. Perhaps he is afraid to face reality. But in any case, you are having to face it. And it would be a lot easier if you had a loving, supportive partner in your corner. There are plenty of support groups for spouses who are dealing with cancer, as well. He doesn’t have to go it alone. But if he is unwilling to care for you in your time of need – then this isn’t a marriage worth saving.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have recently separated and I just found out that I’m pregnant. I am not happy about this pregnancy and do not want to keep it. He feels as though it is a sign from God and that we should get back together. We separated because he is emotionally and physically abusive, and I couldn’t take it anymore. We were both raised in Christian fundamentalist homes, but after a few years of marriage, I have pulled way back from the church. I can’t imagine raising a child with him or within the church. I live in a “blue” state and have already made an appointment for an abortion. He’s threatening to tell my family if I have one. He knows that’ll push them over the edge and disown me. I am trapped. What do I do? – ABORT NOW

DEAR ABORT NOW: I don’t blame you for not wanting to bring a child into an abusive marriage. If you don’t want to raise your child as a fundamentalist Christian, why would you want to have a baby with an abuser who does? I’m so sorry to hear that your family has also bought into this hideous way of thinking. If you can’t lean on them for their love and compassion in this moment, then maybe a step back from them is a good thing. If you have access to abortion care and can afford to do it, then move forward with whatever plan is going to bring you peace. You don’t need his permission or your family’s. If someone controls your body, then what do you have? Nothing. Stand up for what you want and get out of that marriage. If you have a friend you can trust, lean on them. You can always start again and have a family in a more nurturing and loving environment if you so choose in the future. Don’t let this man or your family convince you otherwise. Abortion is freedom.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I have been engaged for about four months and I am quickly realizing that I do not want to marry this person. We met a year ago and got engaged fairly quickly. We are both in our 30s and have the same goals. We both have professional jobs and have bought a beautiful house together. On paper, everything is perfect. But the reality is, the more time I spend with them, the more I can’t stand them. They are annoying, boring and clingy. We rushed into this relationship and now I feel trapped. The wedding is a few months away — everything has been paid for, my dress is tailored and invitations have gone out. I’m miserable. My partner has no idea that I feel this way. I told my best friend about it and they said I should just be a runaway bride but I don’t know what to do. My instinct says, “Get married and you can always divorce later.” What do you think? – I DON’T 

DEAR I DON’T: I would absolutely advise that you break things off before you get married. Yes, it will be hard. It will be painful and stressful and costly. But, think of the compounded stress if you marry this person knowing how you feel. You owe yourself and your partner the truth. I would also ask yourself why you allowed this relationship to continue on if you were so unhappy? Were you trying to prove something to yourself or to your family? Were you afraid of being alone? Before anything else is done for the wedding, you must stop this runaway train. Tell your partner what you are feeling (minus the fact that you think they are clingy and boring). It’s much better to end things now, sell the house and move on with your lives before you become any more entangled or bring children into the mix. Don’t start a life with someone based on a lie to save face. And once this is behind you, take some time to reflect on who you want to be moving forward and what kind of partner you want to share your life with. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been nannying for a family for over a year, and occasionally a friend of mine will nanny for them if I am unavailable. Recently, they fired my friend after seeing posts she had made on her Instagram account concerning Palestine. They did not tell me that this is why they fired her, but they did tell her that they didn’t want someone with those beliefs around their children. They don’t follow me on Instagram (my account is private) but I know that my friend and I post the same perspectives online. It doesn’t feel right to keep working for them, in addition to knowing that they might fire me at any moment because of our different ideologies. I’m also deeply uncomfortable with knowing where they stand on this issue. I am curious if our relationship can help me share my perspective with them in a way they would actually listen to, and I am willing to lose my job over this. How do you think I should proceed? – STAND TOGETHER 

DEAR STAND TOGETHER: So much of our collective pain comes from unresolved grief which manifests as violence and blind hatred of the other. Any conversation that can work towards a deeper commitment to understanding one another is worth having. You do not seem concerned about the fallout of having a hard conversation with them about your perspective so I would start by asking them why they fired your friend? Gaining some insight into their thought process may help you formulate what it is that you want to share with them. Once you hear them out, it’ll be easier to frame your perspective so that there is a chance for them to actively listen to understand and not just to respond. However, if you feel the conversation devolve or notice increased hostility from them, it may be best to resign and move on. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga