DEAR NATALIE: With Thanksgiving approaching, I’m worried about my adult daughter who is in recovery for an eating disorder and was in an in-patient program for a while. She’s put on some weight since then and looks healthier. She’s back home and doing much better. I work hard to be supportive of her and use affirming language. My extended family, however, don’t pay attention to things like using respectful language or being attentive to social cues around peoples’ bodies. They’ll be here for the holidays and so will my daughter. She had previously told me that she didn’t want me to tell the family about why she had lost so much weight or get into the emotional side of things with them, because it wasn’t their business. But now that she looks visibly different – and we’ll be together during holiday centered around food – I’m worried they will make comments that will be hard for her. I know I can’t fully protect her or control them. But, I’m still her mom at the end of the day. How can I support her here? – I WANT A HAPPY HOLIDAY

DEAR I WANT A HAPPY HOLIDAY: The best thing to do is to get ahead of this. Assuming she has a therapist who has helped her during her recovery, it is important that she keeps those appointments throughout the holiday season. Is there an out-patient support group that she can link into virtually or in real life during this season? It is a challenging time for most people whether they are in recovery from disordered eating or not. Finding her natural supports and making sure they are in place during the next twelve weeks is important to helping her stay grounded in her recovery and healing space. Talk with her about what the Thanksgiving holiday may look like with her extended family. They may ask questions about her weight or make offensive remarks without realizing it. Practice with her on how to handle these comments or potential questions so she can feel prepared. It shouldn’t be on her to have to deal with this, but it’s important that she feels protected and loved. She’s also allowed to excuse herself at any point to take time for herself if being around the family becomes overwhelming or difficult. She doesn’t have to engage with anyone she doesn’t want to. If someone makes a comment, she is not obligated to answer or explain herself. While it’s true that you can’t control what people will say or do when you are together, you can shut it down or change the conversation if you hear anything that could be triggering for her. Don’t let this overshadow the immense joy of having her home and working on her recovery with you. This is truly a moment to be thankful for. 

DEAR NATALIE: I run a successful media strategy company and am starting to build relationships with clients far outside of my social and professional network. A few organizations have recently approached me about becoming potential clients, but their beliefs are in opposition to mine politically. I’m not sure if I could help build a brand and provide a marketing strategy for someone whose values and messaging I didn’t support. I haven’t been in a situation like this before. I know that’s one of the benefits of being my own boss, but am I being too picky? Should I tell them that I don’t want to work with them because our views are different? This organization is extremely well connected and very well funded, so on paper I feel as though they’re a good client to have. But if my name were associated with them, I’m not sure how comfortable I would be. Should I just take what I can get and stop trying to be so ethical when it comes to business? – JUST WANTS TO MAKE MONEY

DEAR JUST WANTS TO MAKE MONEY: Do you live in the mindset of scarcity or abundance? I start there because a scarcity mindset will put you in a position where you think you must take anything that comes your way, while a mindset of abundance reminds you that there is more than enough out there for you. As someone who also works in consulting, I have built a business over the years working with people whose values align with my own. How can you sell something you don’t believe in? People can smell inauthenticity from a mile away. It’s like when a celebrity slaps their name on a product line with no real commitment. You can always tell who put their heart and soul into something and who was just there for a quick buck. While you may have to say “no” to some clients, what you are doing is making the space for the right clients. They will be the best and most long-lasting relationships. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been married for a very long time (26 years and counting) and to “spice things up” we invited another woman into our bedroom. The deal was that this would be a “one time thing.” Ever since the experience – which was fun! – he keeps pushing us to do it again. I’m open to the idea of every now and then, but I think he wants the same person to join us. I have her cell number. He does not as this was another rule we put in place – but he’s being really pushy about me calling her. I don’t think it is a good idea for one of us to become “attached” to someone in this way and I’m now worried it is impacting our relationship. What should I do? I don’t want to come off looking like a prude, but I am also protective of what we have. Any thoughts? – THREE'S A CROWD

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: You’re not a prude, that’s for sure. A lot of people would never even entertain this idea, let alone go through with it. If you laid the ground rules – and it sounds like you did – it isn’t fair that he is trying to change them on you. You need to have a discussion with him about what this “adventure” was meant to do for your relationship. If it is going to be a wedge, then it isn’t worth doing again. If he can’t handle the rules that you both set up and agreed to, then it calls into question the foundation of your marriage. Center what is most important – the two of you. These trysts can be fun, but not at the expense of what you have built. Remind him of that. If he can’t let it go, then figure out what is at the root of this. Is it worth ruining everything you’ve built to this point? I would hope not. 

DEAR NATALIE: My brother has a terrible problem with alcohol and it is starting to impact his relationship with his wife. She called me in tears the other night because he didn’t come home – again – until the bar closed. He drove himself home – again – under the influence. She said she knows how dangerous this is and can’t stand to see him consistently put himself and others in danger. She doesn’t know what to do. She wanted to leave him to “create a bottom” and wanted to know if she could stay with me, my husband and kids for a while. I talked to my husband about it but he doesn’t think we should get involved. I’m worried my brother is going to die. I love my husband and don’t want to strain our marriage, but this seems like the end of the line for everyone’s patience. Do you think I should let her move in temporarily? Do you think that will even do anything at all? – A VERY SAD SISTER

DEAR A VERY SAD SISTER: You should reach out to Al-Anon and see what local meetings are in your area. Before staging any kind of intervention or “creating a bottom,” it may be best to talk with some professionals in this space who can help you navigate this with your brother and sister-in-law. Addiction is a terrible disease that pulls in the entire family unit. Staying united with your sister-in-law is a good idea as you can lean on one another. This will be an issue your brother has to want to confront for there to be any kind of path forward to healing. If he loses everything that matters to him, then that may be what it takes for him to seek help. Be prepared for your brother to be angry and even go radio silent on you. I applaud you for wanting to be there for your sister-in-law. Whatever you decide to do, remember to ground it in compassion for everyone involved. I hope your brother can get the support he needs to rebuild his life in a way that brings him closer to his higher self. And I hope it doesn’t take everything falling down around him for that to happen.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My parents are less-than-enthused about my current partner. Let’s just say they have a sordid past and will be spending some time in prison. They won’t be spending a long time there, but it is substantial enough that my parents feel as though we should break up and that I should move on. I love my partner and think they are a good person who got caught up in a bad situation. I don’t want to just abandon them as they embark on this difficult journey. We are nothing alike, and I know my parents question why I am with them. But I see a person who could be so amazing if they were just encouraged, supported and loved. They are incredibly kind to me and no one has ever treated me so well. I want to give this relationship a chance, but I also worry about my parents and what they will say down the road if things get really serious. 

– STAY OR GO

DEAR STAY OR GO: Don’t play with broken toys, was a message my grandma always gave me when it came to dating. In other words, it isn’t your mess to clean up, it isn’t yours to fix. Recognizing the good in someone is a special gift. Wanting to nurture that good is noble. But unless they are also committed to being the best version of themselves moving forward, you can’t do the work for them. This could be a turning point for them, as well. Perhaps giving them space to sort things out while they are away could give you both the time and clarity you need to see if there is something worth fighting for on the other side. When they are out, and if you still feel a bond, then meet and see if a friendship can be forged to lay a foundation for something stronger. But they need to put in the work. I applaud you for looking beyond someone’s actions and recognizing their potential beyond their mistakes. Our system of mass incarceration is full of flaws and major problems that need to be addressed, so leading with compassion is important and impactful. But you are allowed to keep growing and going along your own path. Once this is behind them, only then can you find out if what you had was worth holding onto. 

DEAR NATALIE: My friend divorced recently and I was the last to know what was going on. In fact, I only found out when our mutual friend invited us to her “divorce party.” I was really disgusted to even be included in something so crass, and I told my friend that I didn’t even know they were having marital problems. “Oh yea, she’s been miserable for months,” is what my friend said to me. For months? I had just been out with her and her husband several weeks before this announcement and they seemed fine. I also didn’t appreciate my friend confiding in everyone before me. I don’t think I want to go to this party. We are very good friends with her soon-to-be ex-husband, as well. Do you think if I skip it I’ll look as though I’m choosing sides? I care about her, of course, but why celebrate something so sad? It doesn’t sit well with me. Thoughts on this? – WHY A PARTY?

DEAR WHY A PARTY: Perhaps your friend didn’t confide in you because even in this letter, I can hear the judgment in your voice coming through the keys. You don’t have to go to this party. In fact, it may be better that you don’t, considering how you feel. I would call your friend or meet her privately for coffee or a drink to learn more about what happened if she is willing to share. Don’t center yourself in this. When people are going through a traumatic experience, it is important that they are sharing space with people who will be supportive and empathic. It’s fine to remain friends with both parties as long as you realize that one of the parties may not want to remain friends with you for that decision. Very rarely does remaining Switzerland work out well for friendships during a divorce. If you can’t be there for her right now, I suggest you send flowers or a card at the very least.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga