DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been married for a very long time (26 years and counting) and to “spice things up” we invited another woman into our bedroom. The deal was that this would be a “one time thing.” Ever since the experience – which was fun! – he keeps pushing us to do it again. I’m open to the idea of every now and then, but I think he wants the same person to join us. I have her cell number. He does not as this was another rule we put in place – but he’s being really pushy about me calling her. I don’t think it is a good idea for one of us to become “attached” to someone in this way and I’m now worried it is impacting our relationship. What should I do? I don’t want to come off looking like a prude, but I am also protective of what we have. Any thoughts? – THREE'S A CROWD

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: You’re not a prude, that’s for sure. A lot of people would never even entertain this idea, let alone go through with it. If you laid the ground rules – and it sounds like you did – it isn’t fair that he is trying to change them on you. You need to have a discussion with him about what this “adventure” was meant to do for your relationship. If it is going to be a wedge, then it isn’t worth doing again. If he can’t handle the rules that you both set up and agreed to, then it calls into question the foundation of your marriage. Center what is most important – the two of you. These trysts can be fun, but not at the expense of what you have built. Remind him of that. If he can’t let it go, then figure out what is at the root of this. Is it worth ruining everything you’ve built to this point? I would hope not. 

DEAR NATALIE: My brother has a terrible problem with alcohol and it is starting to impact his relationship with his wife. She called me in tears the other night because he didn’t come home – again – until the bar closed. He drove himself home – again – under the influence. She said she knows how dangerous this is and can’t stand to see him consistently put himself and others in danger. She doesn’t know what to do. She wanted to leave him to “create a bottom” and wanted to know if she could stay with me, my husband and kids for a while. I talked to my husband about it but he doesn’t think we should get involved. I’m worried my brother is going to die. I love my husband and don’t want to strain our marriage, but this seems like the end of the line for everyone’s patience. Do you think I should let her move in temporarily? Do you think that will even do anything at all? – A VERY SAD SISTER

DEAR A VERY SAD SISTER: You should reach out to Al-Anon and see what local meetings are in your area. Before staging any kind of intervention or “creating a bottom,” it may be best to talk with some professionals in this space who can help you navigate this with your brother and sister-in-law. Addiction is a terrible disease that pulls in the entire family unit. Staying united with your sister-in-law is a good idea as you can lean on one another. This will be an issue your brother has to want to confront for there to be any kind of path forward to healing. If he loses everything that matters to him, then that may be what it takes for him to seek help. Be prepared for your brother to be angry and even go radio silent on you. I applaud you for wanting to be there for your sister-in-law. Whatever you decide to do, remember to ground it in compassion for everyone involved. I hope your brother can get the support he needs to rebuild his life in a way that brings him closer to his higher self. And I hope it doesn’t take everything falling down around him for that to happen.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My parents are less-than-enthused about my current partner. Let’s just say they have a sordid past and will be spending some time in prison. They won’t be spending a long time there, but it is substantial enough that my parents feel as though we should break up and that I should move on. I love my partner and think they are a good person who got caught up in a bad situation. I don’t want to just abandon them as they embark on this difficult journey. We are nothing alike, and I know my parents question why I am with them. But I see a person who could be so amazing if they were just encouraged, supported and loved. They are incredibly kind to me and no one has ever treated me so well. I want to give this relationship a chance, but I also worry about my parents and what they will say down the road if things get really serious. 

– STAY OR GO

DEAR STAY OR GO: Don’t play with broken toys, was a message my grandma always gave me when it came to dating. In other words, it isn’t your mess to clean up, it isn’t yours to fix. Recognizing the good in someone is a special gift. Wanting to nurture that good is noble. But unless they are also committed to being the best version of themselves moving forward, you can’t do the work for them. This could be a turning point for them, as well. Perhaps giving them space to sort things out while they are away could give you both the time and clarity you need to see if there is something worth fighting for on the other side. When they are out, and if you still feel a bond, then meet and see if a friendship can be forged to lay a foundation for something stronger. But they need to put in the work. I applaud you for looking beyond someone’s actions and recognizing their potential beyond their mistakes. Our system of mass incarceration is full of flaws and major problems that need to be addressed, so leading with compassion is important and impactful. But you are allowed to keep growing and going along your own path. Once this is behind them, only then can you find out if what you had was worth holding onto. 

DEAR NATALIE: My friend divorced recently and I was the last to know what was going on. In fact, I only found out when our mutual friend invited us to her “divorce party.” I was really disgusted to even be included in something so crass, and I told my friend that I didn’t even know they were having marital problems. “Oh yea, she’s been miserable for months,” is what my friend said to me. For months? I had just been out with her and her husband several weeks before this announcement and they seemed fine. I also didn’t appreciate my friend confiding in everyone before me. I don’t think I want to go to this party. We are very good friends with her soon-to-be ex-husband, as well. Do you think if I skip it I’ll look as though I’m choosing sides? I care about her, of course, but why celebrate something so sad? It doesn’t sit well with me. Thoughts on this? – WHY A PARTY?

DEAR WHY A PARTY: Perhaps your friend didn’t confide in you because even in this letter, I can hear the judgment in your voice coming through the keys. You don’t have to go to this party. In fact, it may be better that you don’t, considering how you feel. I would call your friend or meet her privately for coffee or a drink to learn more about what happened if she is willing to share. Don’t center yourself in this. When people are going through a traumatic experience, it is important that they are sharing space with people who will be supportive and empathic. It’s fine to remain friends with both parties as long as you realize that one of the parties may not want to remain friends with you for that decision. Very rarely does remaining Switzerland work out well for friendships during a divorce. If you can’t be there for her right now, I suggest you send flowers or a card at the very least.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: When should I hit “mute”? A friend called me recently in tears about her friend’s roommate and an infographic he had shared online about the crisis going on in Israel and Palestine. Basically, what he had been posting online seemed like a red flag to her and she was upset that he was posting without having a lot of knowledge on the situation. Later that day, another friend called me upset about what their friend had shared online! I feel like people expressing their political beliefs or perspectives on global events is tearing apart their relationships. I don’t use Instagram much but it seems like it’s doing more harm than good. How can I talk to my friends about this? I don’t think it’s healthy for them to decide it’s time to kick people out of their lives because of what they’re sharing online, even though I get where they’re coming from. What would you do? – HEAVY HEART

DEAR HEAVY HEART: What I have been noticing on social media over the past few weeks is a desire from people to be heard – but not a desire to listen. The media being put up, pulled down, contradicted and retracted is enough to make your head spin. With AI, posts traveling at light-speed, and disinformation spreading at a furious pace, it's a recipe for disaster. Passions are running hot right now. In moments of despair, fear and utter disillusionment towards the state of humanity, it is easy to see why people are spiraling. What we need right now is deliberate action. We need it in the real world context as well as online. Before posting, ask yourself – is this kind? Is this true? Is this necessary? If not – is my voice needed at this moment? I want to give everyone another level of space and grace right now because people are being bombarded with terrible news at every turn and we are not able to process this amount of grief, rage and fear. I would encourage you to take this approach with your friends. Let them know that you are here for them. You want to listen to what they have to say, but you want them to take time away from the internet so that they can take care of their own mental health. Help them find causes they can donate to, organizations they can join or events to participate in that can direct their energy into something useful and productive. You don’t owe the world a meme or a post. Sometimes, there is something to be learned from the silence.

DEAR NATALIE: My new sister-in-law has kids from a previous marriage and I absolutely love them. They are these incredibly sweet little girls and I am so happy for my brother. He has this “instant family” that he always wanted. His wife is a little strange and very religious while he is not. It seems to work for them fine and so I stay out of it. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy. The girls – ages 5 and 7 – came over last night and I thought it would be fun to watch an age-appropriate “scary movie” since Halloween is almost here. They loved it. They had never seen “Hocus Pocus” and we had the best night eating candy, popcorn and snuggling. Well, I woke up this morning to a very, very long text from my brother’s wife. She doesn’t believe in Halloween. She thinks it is demonic to watch any scary movie and has never let her daughters participate in the holiday. She was incredibly mad at me because the younger daughter has been playing “witch” in the yard with her sister, making spells out of the mud. This is adorable kid stuff. But now my brother is upset with me because he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his new wife. I get it – but how was I to know that this would cause such an issue? I also don’t agree with her or her beliefs and think it will do a lot more harm than good in the long run with her daughters. How do I apologize for something I don’t feel as though I should have to apologize for? I want to have my step-nieces in my life. I want to get along with his wife. How do I make this right? – BAD SPELL

DEAR BAD SPELL: While you may not agree with how she is raising her daughters, you may have to accept it in order to keep the peace. Having you in their lives will at least provide a different perspective on how there are many ways to live and be happy. I would call your sister-in-law and tell her that you didn’t know she didn’t celebrate Halloween. Make it clear that in the future, you will respect her boundaries and ask if there are any other things you should be aware of when hanging out with your nieces. You want to be mindful and respectful of her and how she is raising them, while also still having as much fun as you can together. Tread lightly and get to know your sister-in-law. It takes time to build trust and mutual understanding. Keep an open heart and an open door for your nieces to share with you, as well.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM or stream it on the Audacy app or at kdkaradio.com

Watch her new video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear on their website, penncapital-star.com

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga