DEAR NATALIE: During the early days of the pandemic, my boyfriend bought a gun because he was afraid that something might happen where he would need to protect us. He went to the shooting range a couple of times to become familiar with it and keeps it in a closet in our bedroom in a locked box. Now that our nerves have settled and life feels like it's back to normal, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with there being a gun in the house. He’s not a violent person, but sometimes he gets angry when he’s drunk. I really don’t think he would ever try to hurt me, but I still don’t see why it’s necessary to have around. He’s of the mind that if the police can have guns, then he should, too. He leans left so he’s not going to storm the Capitol or anything, and I get where he’s coming from. But it still doesn’t sit right with me. How should I start these conversations and what should I do if he doesn’t want to get rid of it? – UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND GUNS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND GUNS: I understand your concern for not wanting a weapon in the house. Gun violence is a public health epidemic in this country and so is intimate partner violence. If you aren’t comfortable with the gun in your shared home, you need to sit down and address this in a meaningful way. Share with him your trepidation.  If he drinks too much and then becomes aggressive – even when it isn’t directed towards you – I can understand why you’d be scared. Your anxiety around his drinking is dovetailing with that around the gun being in the home, so make that known. He may have never heard you express that fear before and it could be surprising to him to hear that. Where you stand on guns may not actually solve the issue, but communicating about these things even when there is no clear resolution can result in a deeper understanding, more compassion and eventually could lead you to a road where compromise is on the table. 

DEAR NATALIE: I am experiencing Long COVID symptoms. I have been to a few specialists and while they agree on the diagnosis, they don’t have any answers for me when it comes to treatment. I’m tired all of the time, experience brain fog that interferes with my work and can’t do the type of physical activities that I used to enjoy. This has been going on for a while now and I have never had any other health issues before. I’m 32-years-old. What’s making it worse is that my friends and family don’t seem to care. They think I’m making it up or exaggerating what’s wrong with me. I feel depressed, alone and scared for my future. I am a veterinarian and worry that if this continues, I won’t be able to keep my job. How do I convince my friends and family that I need support, not ridicule? – COVID IS HURTING US

DEAR COVID IS HURTING US: Whether people want to admit it or not, COVID is here and causing ongoing harm for millions of people around the country. The “let it rip” strategy has been an utter and total failure. I stand with you in your frustration. This is not OK. We have been all but abandoned by our government and public health officials. What’s making it worse is the lack of dialogue around the real and severe issues people with Long COVID are facing. No wonder your family and friends aren’t supportive – they aren’t probably aware of the reality hitting some like a ton of bricks. Unfortunately, that means you are going to have to keep educating the people you love about your reality. This is hard and it isn’t fair. There is no going back to “normal” because it doesn’t exist for you and so many. The more visibility we bring to this issue, the more likely it will become a priority. Until then, I encourage you to find communities where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Go online, there are plenty of people connecting via TikTok, X and Threads about COVID. I bet there are people right in your own backyard who are also looking for community to connect, vent and dream together. It will take time, but stay the course and keep the hope alive that they find meaningful treatments for Long COVID. As it continues to impact and disable more people, the groundswell may be too loud to ignore in the coming months.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: A few years ago, I moved into a house that my dad owns. He lets me stay there rent free while I finish college. In the meantime, I met a girl and we have two kids together. Now it’s me, her, our kids – who are one and three years old – and now her younger brother and mother have moved in. I am thinking about moving out and getting a studio for myself because it is too crowded in my house. My dad also wants everyone to start paying rent. It’s turned into a big issue with my girlfriend who doesn’t think it’s fair that I would move out and leave her with the kids. I don’t want to break up with her. I love her, it’s just I feel like I’m suffocating. Any way to figure this out? – TOO CROWDED

DEAR TOO CROWDED: Not sure why your girlfriend’s brother and mom thought they could just move in, but you moving out is not the answer. The answer is they need to go and find their own place. If you move out and leave it all on your girlfriend’s shoulders, I doubt you’ll have a girlfriend for very much longer. Plus, your children need you and it’s time to step into your responsibilities. Talk to your girlfriend about her brother and mom moving in. Is this temporary? What is their long-term plan? Do they need assistance to find another place to live? How can you be of help to make that a reality? Do what you can but set a timeline. I appreciate that sometimes we all need a hand up, but it’s not fair to you or your growing family not to have the space you need.

DEAR NATALIE: My mom is a wonderful person who has terrible taste in men. Her most recent boyfriend is an alcoholic. My mom drinks too much and I think being with him has made it all the more acceptable. Well, a few months ago she had a few too many and crashed her vehicle into a stop sign. Thank goodness no one else was hurt, but she was banged up pretty bad. She also was arrested for drunk driving and her boyfriend was in the car with her at the time. They got into a big argument and now they are taking a “break.” My mom was doing so much better without his influence. I think the arrest made her wake up and question her decisions. Recently, he has been reaching out to her again and I think he wants her back. She is toying with this idea. I’m begging her not to bring him back into the fold, citing the most recent issue with the police. She got angry with me and told me that “things are different now for her and she won’t go backwards.” I don’t believe her. What can I do to make her see that he is a huge part of the problem? – LOVE MY MOM, HATE THE DRINKING 

DEAR LOVE MY MOM, HATE THE DRINKING: Unfortunately, you can’t control what your mother decides to do, but you can set boundaries for how you interact with her should she start dating this guy again. If she wants to see him, then you can say to her, “Mom, I love you. I want you safe and healthy. I recognize you don’t need my permission to date but if you start seeing him, I will have to set the following boundaries with you…” and then list what it is you will or won’t do anymore. Maybe that means limiting the time you spend with her. Maybe that means you go to her to visit so that she doesn’t get behind the wheel. Perhaps it means when you hang out you won’t be drinking. Set your expectations and your limits. It’s hard to watch someone hurt themselves, especially when you love them so much. But all you can do is control your actions. Set the tone and seek support if you need it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My sister is going through a horrible divorce and is having major money issues because of it. My husband and I have a big house with an in-law suite. We told her she is welcome to live with us while she works through everything financially. I expected she would be here for a year. Well, it’s been about two months and I have this suspicion that she is trying to sleep with my husband. Actually, not so much a suspicion as he told me she basically threw herself at him the other night when I went to bed and they were hanging out. I know he would never cheat on me, but I am infuriated with her. I want to kick her out. My husband said she’s a mess and was drunk when she hit on him. He feels bad for her. Well, I don’t. Drunk or not, she knew what she was doing. What do you think I should do? – BOOZE NO EXCUSE

DEAR BOOZE NO EXCUSE: Sis has got to go. I would not want anyone in my house that was disrespecting me or my marriage. You have to confront her about this and make it very clear that this behavior is not only unacceptable, but incredibly hurtful. How could she try and break up your marriage when hers is falling apart? What did she think would happen in this situation? Even if she apologizes, she can’t be trusted. You opened your home to her and this is how she repaid you? She can live with someone else – at least for a while. Take a break from this nonsense. You don’t have to put everything on the line for someone who cares so little for all that you’ve built. Once someone shows you who they are, it’s almost impossible to unsee it. Family or not, she has no right to treat you this way and needs to go.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are both turning forty this year and she hasn’t been feeling very well for a long time. We thought she had Long COVID symptoms and she’s been visiting a lot of doctors trying to get to the heart of the matter. Well, one doctor she saw has diagnosed her with a terminal illness and claims she doesn’t have much time. She is beyond devastated and so is her husband. She married just a few years ago and has a beautiful baby girl. She asked me the other day if she dies sooner than later if I would make sure her daughter “doesn’t forget her.” I lost it. I was so upset and we both just sat and cried for hours. I don’t know how to help her. She keeps saying she doesn’t want people pitying her. She doesn’t want to “feel” sick. I have no idea how to support her. I love her husband, too. He’s so wonderful and I’m heartbroken for him, as well. Any ideas on how to be there without making her feel worse than she does? – BROKEN HEARTED 

DEAR BROKEN HEARTED: My heart goes out to you and your friend’s family at this incredibly challenging time. My mom was a nurse for many years and she never liked it when doctors would quantify a patient’s life because she said she “saw miracles every day.” So while we don’t want to live in denial, remember that people defy the odds all the time and there is power in positive thinking. When you are around her, be that for her. Be that joy, that love, that enthusiasm for living. It doesn’t mean you have to force activities on her. It just means make the moments count together. If she can walk, go for a little walk around the block. Take her to a park or green space with the baby so she can play in the grass while you sit and watch her together. Cook her favorite meal or order in while you watch your favorite show or movie together. Ask her if she wants to record anything special for her daughter to watch in the very far future. Talk to her about her fears and her life. Let her just be with you in silence. And don’t be afraid to cry. To laugh. To just be present together. The reality is none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. When you are faced with your own mortality, everything becomes heightened. Embrace that space. Acknowledge the fear but move through it to the other side, where there is nothing but the moment. And be there with her. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga