DEAR NATALIE:  I recently passed up a work opportunity with a potential client because I felt that their personality and lack of boundaries would be too demanding. I passed this work along to a friend who has more of a tolerance for this and experience in the client’s industry. I know I made the right choice for myself, but I still feel maybe a bit jealous, especially because I knew there was a lot of money to be made there. I hate the feeling that I’m behind, or that someone else (even a friend) is getting ahead. I can definitely celebrate her wins, including this one, but it’s so hard for me to feel like I’m not doing enough. I believe I’m smart and talented, but I am still figuring out which of my skills I enjoy using the most in exchange for money. How can I trust the process with things like this, at such an early point in my career? –DID I MAKE THE RIGHT CALL 

DEAR DID I MAKE THE RIGHT CALL: I have learned that in life that it is just as important to tell the universe what you don’t want, as well as share what you do want. While you may feel frustrated, stuck or conflicted, it sounds as though you did the right thing. You followed your instincts. You recognized that this particular client would not be a good fit for you, and instead of trying to put a round peg in a square hole, you passed. You shared it with a friend who was a better fit and you have now made space for the right thing to come to you. It can be very challenging to live in a mindset of abundance. There’s a level of faith that you need to have which takes time to build in ourselves. It can be years before we trust ourselves enough to let go of what doesn’t serve us, fearing that the next thing won’t come along. But as someone who is further down the career path, hear me when I say: nothing is permanent. This feeling you feel won’t last. The situation won’t stay the same. Something will come along if you believe that it will, if you create action items to get yourself there and if you put in the time. No one is an overnight success. Anything worth building starts with laying the right foundation. By letting go of this opportunity, you are recognizing what materials you need to create a solid floor beneath your feet. Pay attention to how that feels. “Trust the process” sounds cliche, but the truth of it is that you don’t always see the magic working behind the scenes. Just keep going. Put everything you want in writing. Read it. Reflect on it. And work towards it one step at a time, even if the next step hasn’t yet made itself known.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend is very wealthy. Her family comes from old money and she and I grew up together even though I had a much more “normal” childhood than she did. Now as adults, I have my own career and two kids and a wonderful husband. She has had a hard time with relationships and standing on her own feet, financially. Her family controls most aspects of her life – still – at 31 years old. She recently told me that she feels “trapped” and the only way out would be to end her life. I was really taken aback when she said that. I reminded her how she has everything anyone would dream of… but that seemed to make her feel worse. I feel like a bad friend and all I want to do is help her. I’m supposed to see her next week to talk more. I am afraid she will actually try to harm herself. What should I do? I don’t want to push her away. –OUT OF MY ELEMENT 

DEAR OUT OF MY ELEMENT: Your friend needs serious and immediate mental health support. If she is reaching out to you and expressing these feelings, then she is reaching out for help. In the U.S., you call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential. The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454 (toll-free). Does she have a therapist? If so, why not encourage her to make an emergency appointment when you are around so you know it happens. Offer to take her to that appointment, or if it is a telehealth appointment, offer to be in her home while she’s with her therapist talking so there is physical support right in the next room. While it is not your responsibility to keep her from harming herself, I understand your interest in protecting her at this moment. Be sure you are taking care of your own mental health and finding support that you need during this time. Share with her that you love her and that she is needed here. If she wants to work on exploring new career paths or ways to strengthen the relationship with herself, you are here for her every step of the way. Does she have anyone in her family that you can encourage her to reach out to, as well? For some people, living in the shadow of their families can bring up so many different emotions around inadequacy, low self esteem and guilt around their privilege. You are a good friend for being with her through this trying time and hopefully she can get the care she needs so that she can live a life where she feels fulfilled and at peace.

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DEAR NATALIE: I recently gave birth to a stillborn baby. It was our first child and this has been a truly horrific experience. My family has been very understanding of all of this, but my sister-in-law does not seem to get the weight of it all. She has said to me on more than one occasion that I can “have another” or “try again in a few months.” I was literally sitting there, breaking down into tears while putting away all the gifts from the shower, and she’s acting like this is no big deal. She’s not exactly a warm and fuzzy person, but how do I tell her how she’s hurting me and making this all worse? My husband says that her sister has always been like this and to “just ignore her” but I can’t. It’s really traumatizing. Any ideas on how to make her understand? –HEARTBROKEN 

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I am so sorry for your terrible loss and for the insensitive, hurtful behavior of your sister-in-law. This is a time where you need family the most and for her to diminish and disregard how you’re feeling over one of the most traumatic experiences that could happen to a person is absolutely terrible. You need space from anyone who is bringing negativity into your heart right now. If she can’t meet you where you are and sit with you in the silence of your pain, then she doesn’t need to be near your right now. You are allowed to share space with only those who understand you, love you and are able to offer you compassion. This doesn’t mean you are cutting her out of your life, but you are taking time to heal. If she asks you why you haven’t reached out or connected with her, you are allowed to tell her what you just told me. If she was that unaware of her actions and words, perhaps this will be a wake-up call. If she becomes defensive or angry for any reason, recognize that this is a sign for you to take a big step back. Now, I don’t know her relationship to her family, but I wonder if this behavior was something that she learned from watching her parents. Regardless, she is an adult and needs to learn to read the room. Put her on ice until you are feeling less vulnerable. Give yourself all the space and grace you need right now. This nonsense from her is unnecessary and unwelcome.

DEAR NATALIE: A few months ago I moved into a new house and while most of my neighbors are lovely, a neighbor down the street has two dogs that she leaves outside most of the time. Some days they bark constantly – all day and all night. They’ve gotten off their leashes a couple of times, too. They’re usually friendly, but it feels unsafe. I don’t know how they are with children or other dogs, and I worry that they’ll get lost or hit by a car. The only time I’ve seen my neighbor is when she’s been drinking or trying to find the dogs. I want to talk to her about getting the barking to stop, but I don’t know how to do this. I know building a relationship with her is the right thing to do, but that takes time and I don’t even know how to open up the conversation about the dogs. It’s driving me and everyone else on the block crazy, though! I don’t want to call the cops if I can avoid it. How should I handle this without getting on her bad side or creating more of a problem? –DOGGONE IT

DEAR DOGGONE IT: Safety in numbers. I would connect with a few of your neighbors first and then see if everyone is on the same page. If so, then invite her over to your yard for an iced tea when everyone is there. They don’t need to be in the conversation with you, but it’s a good idea to have a few others around in case you need support or to clarify the situation. Get to know her a bit first and learn about her relationship with her dogs. Is there a reason she always leaves them outside? Is she aware that they are barking at all hours of the day? Does she know that the community is concerned for the safety of the animals and for the kids? She may be blissfully unaware of the stress she is causing everyone. I would bring it up gently and see how she reacts. It may just take one honest and open conversation to see change. But if the dogs continue to bark at all hours of the night and continue to get loose in the community, you may want to reach out to a local rescue shelter for their opinion on things that can be done. I agree with you that there are other ways to deal with this than involving law enforcement and I hope she is receptive to hearing you out. In any case, maybe she is struggling to take care of the dogs or can’t walk them so she leaves them outside. Perhaps there is an opportunity to help find her support so that she, the dogs, you and your neighbors can be in better harmony.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I’ve just started dating someone new that I’m really excited about. We’re keeping it casual because he just got out of a long term relationship, which works well for me. He still lives with his ex-partner in the house they own together. Based on what my date has told me, they have a neutral relationship that doesn’t bother them and living together feels fine. I don’t think the ex is getting in the way of our relationship developing, and I want to have a good relationship with him, because he obviously played a big part of his life – and he’s still around. We’ve only had a couple of interactions at their house so far and he seemed a little passive aggressive. I can handle it for now, and I don’t feel like it’s my place to encourage him to figure out if one of them will move out of their house any time soon, so I guess I’m just curious how you would handle this. I don’t expect him to love me, but I do hope we can keep the peace. How should I handle this with my date, and with his ex? –WHY YOU GOTTA BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

DEAR WHY YOU GOTTA BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE: If we looked up the definition of “awkward” in the dictionary, my guess is that this would be it. Let’s take a step back and look at it from the ex’s perspective. He is still living with his ex-partner – who has moved on already. He hasn’t yet moved out of their shared place (for whatever reason) and I’m sure that feels uncomfortable. There could be lingering feelings – conscious or not – creating even more tension and frustration. And then you walk in the door. All things considered, it sounds as though they are both trying to handle this as maturely as possible. So what can you do to make it easier on yourself and everyone involved? Stay out of it as best you can. Obviously, you may be in the house from time to time, but perhaps date nights should be at your place or out in public until they start to figure out how long this situation will last. If it’s a few more weeks, great. If not, you may want to talk to him so he can communicate to his ex about a schedule that works for everyone. And keeping it casual makes a lot of sense… especially while they are still under the same roof! Just another reason we need more affordable housing…

DEAR NATALIE: Next month I’m going on vacation with my boyfriend’s family. He was raised really Catholic, and went to religious schooling all through college, and has since moved away from the church. His parents and siblings are still incredibly close to their religion, along with some political views that I find to be… unsavory. His approach is to keep things chill and say very little, but recent political events have had him a bit more on edge about wanting to open up conversations with them. He doesn’t have a temper, but some of them do. I want to be a supportive partner and be able to stand by his side and support him in communicating about our shared beliefs with his family. This issue comes up especially around abortion. I’ve had more than one (they don’t know this) and know that they don’t “believe it is right.” I’m especially nervous that this will come up and I’ll lose my temper on behalf of all of the women in my position. How can I communicate with them… without getting excommunicated? –SPEAKING MY TRUTH

DEAR SPEAKING MY TRUTH: What are the three things they say we should never speak about at the dinner table? Religion, politics and sex. Abortion fits into that trifecta of disastrous table talk. I recognize your desire to stand your ground, but I have to ask you, would you rather be right or be happy? The reality is, you aren’t going to change anyone’s mind on this, just like they aren’t going to change yours. If they bring up an unsavory subject, change it. Deflect and redirect. Your desire to defend your partner is admirable, but for the sake of your mental health, what will be accomplished by fueling the flames? It can be hard to be the bigger person here, and you may be asking why you have to be. Well... you don’t. But what kind of a relationship will you have if you engage with them and cause everyone to lose their temper? If they bring it up, remind them that they are entitled to their beliefs – as are you – and that it may be better for everyone’s sake if that rock isn’t overturned. If they don’t like that, you can distance yourself. And if they ask why? Tell them that unless they can respect you the way you respect them, there won’t be much of a future to speak of.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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@NatalieBencivenga