DEAR NATALIE: I really liked this guy I met a few months ago. He liked me, too. We went on several dates and it was starting to feel serious. We weren’t exclusive – yet – but it was heading in that direction. Then, he met my friend, Kate, at my birthday party a few weeks ago. She knew I was super into this guy. She likes to flirt and drink and they made out on and off during my party. I was so upset and literally crying in the bathroom to my other friends. On my birthday. Kate’s reaction was so wild. She didn’t even care. She was so nonchalant about it. She said to me, “When I get drunk, I make out with everyone. It’s his issue, not mine. I’m not the one dating you.” I was taken aback and just cried some more. Now I feel as though I’ve lost my friend and this guy. He texted me the next day, claiming he “was so drunk, he didn’t remember” kissing her. Is that supposed to comfort me? I am not sure what to do. Should I just never bring her around boyfriends or guys I like? Should I give him another chance? I’m at a loss and still really sad. – BUMMER OF A BIRTHDAY

DEAR BUMMER OF A BIRTHDAY: We are going to start accepting the things we cannot change, and focus on what we can change. You cannot change either of these people and you’ve seen who they are. You cannot unsee it. So now, we focus on setting up boundaries. Cut this guy loose. You don’t need to go any farther down this road with him. It's a blessing in disguise that you saw this side of him so quickly. If this is how he is behaving and you aren’t even “exclusive,” I don’t want to know what happens next. I’m sorry you liked him, but you do not need to give him any more attention or energy. As for your friend, I would keep a healthy distance from her. She can be the “nonchalant makeout” person, but you get to be who you are. And you are allowed to keep space for yourself and whoever you bring into your life. She doesn’t get an automatic invite. These people don’t get to walk all over you. Own your space. Moving forward, you don't have to keep people around who do things like this.

DEAR NATALIE: My soon-to-be wife comes from a very wealthy family. They want me to sign a prenup, which I understand. But this prenup is completely unfair and leaves me with absolutely nothing if we divorce. They barely cover any moving expenses. I brought up these issues to her, and she was angry with me that I would even question the prenup. She said that it “sounded as though I was only marrying her for the money since I won’t sign it as is.” I explained to her that I am going to sign it, but shouldn’t it be somewhat fair? It became a huge fight and now we aren’t speaking. The wedding is in six weeks and I want to put this behind us, but frankly I was hurt by how she reacted. This should be a happy time for us and instead I feel as though this is a cloud over everything. Any suggestions on how to navigate this and get us back on track? – PRENUP MESS 

DEAR PRENUP MESS: You need to get your own lawyer. Stop talking about this directly with your fiancé. Her family has representation and so should you. Prenups don’t have to be these scary things. While I agree that it makes sense as to why her family would request one, you are allowed to negotiate to at least make things somewhat fair for you, as well. Hire a lawyer and explain to them what you would like to get out of this agreement. Then, let the lawyers handle it. This is an extremely emotional time with the upcoming wedding and you don’t want to be fixated on the “what ifs.” Let them do their jobs and you can focus on repairing your relationship post-fight. She’s allowed to feel her feelings, but yours are valid, too. Work on coming back together and remembering why you fell in love. Hopefully, the lawyers can come to an agreement that everyone can live with and you can live happily ever after – and never even have to think of that document again.

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DEAR NATALIE: One of my best friends is married to someone who I thought was a great guy. I’m happily married, and the four of us go out a lot. We even have a group text and send funny memes and make plans through it. Well, the other night, he slid into my DMs on Instagram and told me I looked “beautiful” on our double date. He then called me a “goddess.” I responded with “???”. He never responded back. I was super uncomfortable and showed it to my husband. He basically shrugged and said he wasn’t surprised because he’s seen him flirt with other women, too, when we’ve been out. I was really shocked because he’s never behaved like this with me in the past. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to see him because I’m so embarrassed. But what if my friend reads his DMs and then gets angry at me for having not told her? I am at a loss. What do you think I should do? – SLIDE AWAY

DEAR SLIDE AWAY: Yikes. This is one of those situations that feels as though you are damned either way. If you ignore this and then it comes out later, she may be angry with you. If you confront him, this could get really awkward. You have to just follow your gut on this one. I would wait and see if this was a one-time thing or if he will try to make another move. If he never brings it up or tries to bother you ever again, I would just keep this information to yourself. If he tries again, you DM him back and say, “If you keep bothering me, I’m going to involve our partners. What is wrong with you? I’m clearly not interested in whatever game you are playing. (His wife’s name) doesn’t deserve this. Stop.” If he acts wounded or weird, so what? He’s the one out of line. Establish this boundary and keep it moving. I would also cool it on double dates for a while. You don’t have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. I just feel badly for your friend. If this is his behavior towards you, think of what he’s doing with people he doesn’t know as well. 

DEAR NATALIE: I am a freelance social media manager and I work with a ton of different brands across the country. I was working a job the other day and my friend tagged along because they want to learn how to do this work. I was happy to let them shadow me and play “assistant.” Well, they did more than that. This was a newer client and while I was filming a Reel, they pitched themselves to my client. They made up some lies about all this experience they have. They even said that they taught me how to do this work! I was so appalled. My client filled me in afterwards because they just thought it was so inappropriate. I apologized profusely. They weren’t upset with me, but they did tell me that I shouldn’t take them on jobs anymore. Should I confront my friend? I’ve been ghosting them for a few days. I’m so hurt and confused. What’s the best course of action? –JOB STEALER  

DEAR JOB STEALER: If this is your friend, I’d be scared to see who your enemies are. Confront this situation and put them on ice. You don’t need to be supporting someone who is trying to harm you. They could have screwed up this account for you. As a freelancer, every single job matters. How dare they try to take food out of your mouth. What really burns me up about this is the fact that you were trying to be supportive and helpful. This is not how you build and sustain healthy relationships – professional or personal. Cut this person loose.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I just started working at a new job at a publishing company. I enjoy the role, and my coworkers are pleasant to get along with – but they’re all obsessed with work. When I’ve gone out with them, all they do is talk about work – which I know makes sense to some extent – but it’s as if they have nothing else going on in their lives. I believe that a work life balance is important, and I insist on having interests that fuel me in ways that aren’t financial. I don’t want to feel like my job needs to become my whole universe just because I work with people that feel that way. How can I maintain my own boundaries, and maybe, even further, show them that the grass may be greener when they find ways to spend their time that aren’t centered around work? –WORK TO LIVE(NOT LIVE TO WORK)

DEAR –WORK TO LIVE(NOT LIVE TO WORK): Hear me out. You don’t have to be friends with the people you work with outside of work. I appreciate that you spend a lot of time with these people and it is important to cultivate a level of respect and friendliness so that your work environment is as pleasant as possible. If you want to have balance in your own life, however, finding some friends and interests outside of your job is imperative for your own mental health. If you can encourage one or two friends from work to join a yoga class, a book club, or a wine tasting night… that’s great. But trying to be the person who takes it upon themselves to be the work savior? Why do that to yourself? You can live your life with a range of interests and they'll find out what that's like for themselves... or not.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband of six years recently said to me that he would like to be in an open relationship. I came to find out – after much begging – that he is already having another relationship on this side with a co-worker. He’s been seeing her for several weeks. She’s “poly” and totally aware that he was in a monogamous relationship. He seems to be adopting this “new view” on marriage and relationships. (Might I add that he is approaching his 40th birthday and I think is having a bit of a crisis). I told him I am not okay with any of this and that we aren’t in an open relationship – he’s just having an affair. I’ve been with him almost 20 years and while we’ve had our ups and downs, I never considered he would cheat on me. So, I called the woman who he works with and basically told her to back off while we sort out our marriage. She said I needed to “let go of control,” and “experience love in new ways.” She then invited me to be in a throuple with him. You can imagine that didn’t go over well. I’m at an impasse. He thinks we need therapy to “reimagine our marriage” but I think what we need is time together to work through this. Neither of us want a divorce, so should I look the other way while he works through this mid-life crisis? But can we bounce back? –NO THROUPLE HERE

DEAR NO THROUPLE HERE: It sounds to me as though you are both having two very different experiences around the state of your marriage. He clearly doesn’t want to be monogamous and you do. Many couples go through infidelity and survive. But, there has to be a clear desire on both parties to work on their relationship in a way that benefits them both. Can you feel loved and supported if he is dating someone else? If that doesn’t work for you – and no one would blame you if it didn’t – then what are the options? You could let this ride and see if the flame fizzles between him and this other woman. You could decide to play the game, too, and put yourself out there to meet someone. However, I don’t get the feeling that you have interest in doing that. If he won’t go to therapy, you should. If for no other reason, to work through the feelings of this so that you can process your emotions and explore your next steps. Yes, divorce can be an option. If you don’t feel respected and valued in your marriage, why stay? If only one of you is fighting for your marriage, then how can you make it work? Perhaps he will wake up when he realizes that he could lose you and everything that you have built over the past two decades. Maybe you need to take a vacation together and remember what made you two fall in love. If you’re too angry or disgusted with him, however, put a pause on that until you decide how you want to exist in this dynamic. You can reclaim power by focusing on how you want to live and be. You took vows in front of others that focused on honoring one another. If he isn’t doing that, then what are you doing with him?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga