DEAR NATALIE: One of my best friends is married to someone who I thought was a great guy. I’m happily married, and the four of us go out a lot. We even have a group text and send funny memes and make plans through it. Well, the other night, he slid into my DMs on Instagram and told me I looked “beautiful” on our double date. He then called me a “goddess.” I responded with “???”. He never responded back. I was super uncomfortable and showed it to my husband. He basically shrugged and said he wasn’t surprised because he’s seen him flirt with other women, too, when we’ve been out. I was really shocked because he’s never behaved like this with me in the past. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to see him because I’m so embarrassed. But what if my friend reads his DMs and then gets angry at me for having not told her? I am at a loss. What do you think I should do? – SLIDE AWAY

DEAR SLIDE AWAY: Yikes. This is one of those situations that feels as though you are damned either way. If you ignore this and then it comes out later, she may be angry with you. If you confront him, this could get really awkward. You have to just follow your gut on this one. I would wait and see if this was a one-time thing or if he will try to make another move. If he never brings it up or tries to bother you ever again, I would just keep this information to yourself. If he tries again, you DM him back and say, “If you keep bothering me, I’m going to involve our partners. What is wrong with you? I’m clearly not interested in whatever game you are playing. (His wife’s name) doesn’t deserve this. Stop.” If he acts wounded or weird, so what? He’s the one out of line. Establish this boundary and keep it moving. I would also cool it on double dates for a while. You don’t have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. I just feel badly for your friend. If this is his behavior towards you, think of what he’s doing with people he doesn’t know as well. 

DEAR NATALIE: I am a freelance social media manager and I work with a ton of different brands across the country. I was working a job the other day and my friend tagged along because they want to learn how to do this work. I was happy to let them shadow me and play “assistant.” Well, they did more than that. This was a newer client and while I was filming a Reel, they pitched themselves to my client. They made up some lies about all this experience they have. They even said that they taught me how to do this work! I was so appalled. My client filled me in afterwards because they just thought it was so inappropriate. I apologized profusely. They weren’t upset with me, but they did tell me that I shouldn’t take them on jobs anymore. Should I confront my friend? I’ve been ghosting them for a few days. I’m so hurt and confused. What’s the best course of action? –JOB STEALER  

DEAR JOB STEALER: If this is your friend, I’d be scared to see who your enemies are. Confront this situation and put them on ice. You don’t need to be supporting someone who is trying to harm you. They could have screwed up this account for you. As a freelancer, every single job matters. How dare they try to take food out of your mouth. What really burns me up about this is the fact that you were trying to be supportive and helpful. This is not how you build and sustain healthy relationships – professional or personal. Cut this person loose.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I just started working at a new job at a publishing company. I enjoy the role, and my coworkers are pleasant to get along with – but they’re all obsessed with work. When I’ve gone out with them, all they do is talk about work – which I know makes sense to some extent – but it’s as if they have nothing else going on in their lives. I believe that a work life balance is important, and I insist on having interests that fuel me in ways that aren’t financial. I don’t want to feel like my job needs to become my whole universe just because I work with people that feel that way. How can I maintain my own boundaries, and maybe, even further, show them that the grass may be greener when they find ways to spend their time that aren’t centered around work? –WORK TO LIVE(NOT LIVE TO WORK)

DEAR –WORK TO LIVE(NOT LIVE TO WORK): Hear me out. You don’t have to be friends with the people you work with outside of work. I appreciate that you spend a lot of time with these people and it is important to cultivate a level of respect and friendliness so that your work environment is as pleasant as possible. If you want to have balance in your own life, however, finding some friends and interests outside of your job is imperative for your own mental health. If you can encourage one or two friends from work to join a yoga class, a book club, or a wine tasting night… that’s great. But trying to be the person who takes it upon themselves to be the work savior? Why do that to yourself? You can live your life with a range of interests and they'll find out what that's like for themselves... or not.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband of six years recently said to me that he would like to be in an open relationship. I came to find out – after much begging – that he is already having another relationship on this side with a co-worker. He’s been seeing her for several weeks. She’s “poly” and totally aware that he was in a monogamous relationship. He seems to be adopting this “new view” on marriage and relationships. (Might I add that he is approaching his 40th birthday and I think is having a bit of a crisis). I told him I am not okay with any of this and that we aren’t in an open relationship – he’s just having an affair. I’ve been with him almost 20 years and while we’ve had our ups and downs, I never considered he would cheat on me. So, I called the woman who he works with and basically told her to back off while we sort out our marriage. She said I needed to “let go of control,” and “experience love in new ways.” She then invited me to be in a throuple with him. You can imagine that didn’t go over well. I’m at an impasse. He thinks we need therapy to “reimagine our marriage” but I think what we need is time together to work through this. Neither of us want a divorce, so should I look the other way while he works through this mid-life crisis? But can we bounce back? –NO THROUPLE HERE

DEAR NO THROUPLE HERE: It sounds to me as though you are both having two very different experiences around the state of your marriage. He clearly doesn’t want to be monogamous and you do. Many couples go through infidelity and survive. But, there has to be a clear desire on both parties to work on their relationship in a way that benefits them both. Can you feel loved and supported if he is dating someone else? If that doesn’t work for you – and no one would blame you if it didn’t – then what are the options? You could let this ride and see if the flame fizzles between him and this other woman. You could decide to play the game, too, and put yourself out there to meet someone. However, I don’t get the feeling that you have interest in doing that. If he won’t go to therapy, you should. If for no other reason, to work through the feelings of this so that you can process your emotions and explore your next steps. Yes, divorce can be an option. If you don’t feel respected and valued in your marriage, why stay? If only one of you is fighting for your marriage, then how can you make it work? Perhaps he will wake up when he realizes that he could lose you and everything that you have built over the past two decades. Maybe you need to take a vacation together and remember what made you two fall in love. If you’re too angry or disgusted with him, however, put a pause on that until you decide how you want to exist in this dynamic. You can reclaim power by focusing on how you want to live and be. You took vows in front of others that focused on honoring one another. If he isn’t doing that, then what are you doing with him?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have very different sex drives. He could have sex every day if he could, but I’m definitely more of a once-a-weekish kind of guy. Recently, we got into (yet another) discussion about our mismatched sex drives and he came up with an interesting idea. He thinks he should get a boyfriend. At first, I was taken aback by this suggestion. But now, I’m wondering if it’s a solution to our problem. We've been married for almost 25 years. He’s a wonderful man and we raised two beautiful children together. I love him. I don’t want to divorce and neither does he. But we’ve been monogamous for our entire marriage. Do you think this is a good idea, or would it open the door to more issues and more reasons for therapy? –CONSCIOUSLY STAYING COUPLED

DEAR –CONSCIOUSLY STAYING COUPLED: I guess the question isn’t so much whether or not this is a “good” idea, but whether or not you feel as though this is the solution. What happens if the boyfriend wants more than sex? What happens if your husband forms a deep emotional bond with this other person? Are you ready for those kinds of conversations? I am not against the idea of an open marriage, but significant boundaries have to be put into place, along with conversations surrounding sexual safety and mutual respect. Your husband also needs to be very transparent with whomever he decides to engage with so that they understand the casual nature of this relationship and do not expect things to progress emotionally or otherwise, unless you're really ready to change the nature of your relationship. Both of you should have the opportunity to share at any point if you aren’t comfortable with this new relationship and pull the plug on it. If you are already going to therapy as a couple, I suggest you continue as new feelings and challenges may arise. I do applaud you for being willing to try and give him what he needs, but don’t lose yourself in this situation, either. You are his husband and should be treated as the number one priority on his list. 

DEAR NATALIE: I found out that I was pregnant after the condom broke during a one-night stand recently. I had an abortion – lucky to live in a state where that is still legal – as I have no interest in motherhood at this stage of my life. I didn’t tell the guy I slept with because we weren’t in a relationship and he wasn’t someone that I wanted to pursue anything with. Well, my bestie told me I was wrong for not telling him and then she encouraged me to DM him on Instagram and tell him that we needed to talk. So, he and I met for coffee and I shared with him what happened. He was totally relieved and thanked me for reaching out and offered to pay for the abortion. I appreciated that and said we could split what the bill was and that he could Venmo me. That was two weeks ago. He hasn’t responded at all and I feel really awkward reaching out to him about it. Should I just let it go? My friend thinks I should definitely follow up with him but this is so weird. I want to put it all behind me. Is that wrong? I don’t want to keep talking to him, or drag things out about this. What should I do? –AWKWARD VENMO-MENT

DEAR AWKWARD VENMO-MENT: You need to do what feels best for you. If you are over this whole situation and don’t want to keep rehashing it or reconnecting with this guy that you don’t have any interest in, just move on. While it was the right thing for him to do to offer to help pay for the procedure – after all, it wasn’t an immaculate conception – I understand why you want to just put this to rest. If you do want to nudge him one more time, there is a Venmo feature that allows you to send a reminder, so you don’t have to actually communicate directly with him. But, otherwise, I agree with letting it go so that you can move forward. It sounds as though you were firm in your decision but if any emotions arise, it is okay to sit with them, too. It’s also okay to reach out for support if you need it at any point. Life is funny and certain things can trigger us in ways we don’t expect. Be well and take good care of yourself.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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Follow her on Instagram and TikTok

@NatalieBencivenga