DEAR NATALIE: I am a therapist and recently acquired my license so that I can open my own private practice. I have a few friends who have utilized me over the years for their questions around relationships – which was fine – but recently I feel as though a few of them are really stepping over the line and expecting free therapy sessions. I don’t feel that it is appropriate for me to give them advice at that level at this point. I want to tell them to seek support, but I feel as though they will be offended. I know I should know what to do here, but you know it is always easier to give advice than to take it! Do you have any advice for the advice givers on how to navigate tricky waters with good friends? – I'M NOT YOUR THERAPIST 

DEAR I'M NOT YOUR THERAPIST: Isn’t it always easier to give advice than it is to take it? I am a big believer in setting healthy boundaries. People think that means it’s all or nothing – either totally enmeshed or totally dismissive of the other person. But, I like to think of it like a screen door. You can filter in what you want and leave out what you don’t while keeping the door still open and remaining friends. It allows you to navigate that space differently than you did before. You are allowed to set rules for yourself, especially as you move forward in this journey. It is OK to tell them that while you love and care for them as a friend, it would be unethical to provide advice to them in a therapeutic sense. Then, recommend some colleagues or other support that they could benefit from. If they bristle, that’s on them. You can explain that while you love your job, you would like to keep a separation in your personal relationships. Stand strong in what you need in order to have meaningful interactions that are healthy and constructive for both of you. You are not someone’s emotional doormat – so act accordingly. 

DEAR NATALIE: I found out recently that my friend isn’t inviting me to her wedding. She is a very close friend and we have been there for each other through everything. I have known her for almost seven years. I wouldn’t be so upset but she is inviting other friends of mine. I asked her directly why I was left off of the guest list. She said that since I am single, she didn’t think I would want to come alone and sit with people I didn’t know. Everyone else has a partner, she said. I was really taken aback. Since when does “being single” get you kicked off of a guest list? I think she could tell I was very hurt and is now trying to back peddle and offer me an invitation. Obviously I don’t want a pity invite. How do I move forward with our friendship when I feel incredibly slighted? Do I go? Do I just send a gift? I feel so offended. – TABLE FOR ONE

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: Our society is seemingly obsessed with coupling up, even though more than ever, people are living single. As a married person who planned her own wedding, I did not leave anyone off the list because they didn’t have a plus-one. That is a strange thing to do. Plus, weddings are great places to meet people! Why wouldn’t you want to have all of your friends – single and coupled – interacting and having a great time? Good for you for being direct about why you didn’t get an invite. I wouldn't want to go either, to be honest with you. She should be embarrassed for how she treated you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. But keep it classy — send a card and a small gift from the registry. On their big day, you can indulge in something fun for yourself.

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DEAR NATALIE: My best friend is cheating on her husband and I have known about it now for months. She is having an affair with someone at her office – who is her subordinate. She keeps telling me that she wants to leave her husband, but only if the guy she is cheating with leaves his wife. I am totally torn about how I feel. I told her that sneaking around like this is going to hurt a lot of people, but she just said that she’s been unhappily married for a long time and wants out. So I said, “Then tell (her husband’s name) that you want a divorce.” But the minute I bring up the “d” word, she starts making all of these excuses as to why she can’t leave him. She seems to want to have her cake and eat it, too. I know her husband. He is a terrific father and she never expressed unhappiness until she started having an affair. Is this just a mid-life crisis? Will it blow over? At what point does someone tell her husband what is going on? She has wanted me to “cover” for her on more than one occasion, but I am so uncomfortable lying to her husband. How do I figure this out without losing my best friend? –CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE 

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: It is absolutely unacceptable that your friend is expecting you to lie for her. While she may be in la-la land right now, your feet are planted firmly on the ground and you see this for what it is: a huge mess. This is not yours to clean up. Your friend either has to own up to what she is doing and accept the consequences of her actions (i.e. a potential divorce) or she needs to end this affair and use that space to figure out what void she is trying to fill with this other relationship. Having a mid-life crisis is no excuse to lie and cheat. Having said all of that, I implore you: do not get involved. Let her know that while you will not interfere with what she is doing, you will not be an accomplice in it. Remind her that if the shoe was on the other foot, she would be horrified by what her husband was doing. Let her know that you are saying this from a place of love. If she’s unhappy, you want her to be happy – but not at the expense of someone else. She needs to end this affair, figure out her marriage and then make a decision. The fact that she is sleeping with a (married) subordinate at work also adds another layer to this. Maybe this is how she feels in control or empowered for the first time. She needs to examine that and look at what’s really turning her on. Is it this other guy – or is it what he represents? Hopefully she can figure it all out before she self-implodes. But as my grandma always used to say, “People make their own problems.” Don’t make her problems yours, too.

DEAR NATALIE: I am a single parent raising a smart, compassionate and extroverted 4-year- old. I recently unexpectedly lost my mom who lived overseas with many of my other family members. I have never experienced grief like this and am beside myself. I am very well supported by friends and neighbors, but I am not sure how I will ever come out of this depression. My child loves that more family and friends have been stopping by, but I think he is also struggling with the difference in my personality since losing my mom. I can barely explain the depths of how I’m feeling to people my own age, let alone to my child. I want my grief to impact him as little as possible, but I feel that I am already disrupting his life. How can I continue to talk about what I’m going through with my child, and provide him with as happy of a life as possible, even though there is no happiness on the horizon for me?

–OVERCOME WITH GRIEF 

DEAR OVERCOME WITH GRIEF: Losing a parent is transformative. I am so sorry to hear that your mother has died and that you weren’t able to be there in her final hours. Having your family live so far away presents its own unique set of challenges and I’m sure the finality of this situation is still settling in. While I applaud you for wanting to protect your child, who is protecting you? You deserve support and to be heard at this moment. I recommend seeking out a therapist who focuses on grief. Having lost my dad a few years ago, I also felt like I would never come out of that cycle of depression and sadness. It wasn’t until my friend suggested a therapist that I was able to feel empowered to express my feelings, confront my fears and work through my pain. You will never “get over it,” as some people like to think. You will never “go back to being the same,” either. And that’s a good thing! Grief work can help you feel closer to your mom, closer to yourself and prepare you for whatever else life throws at you. A counselor can also give you the tools to help talk with your precocious son in a way that is helpful for you both. You don’t have to suffer through this. You can find support and you can find solace. Everything you need is already inside of you. Therapy helps to bring it to the surface. Do the work. Feel better. It is possible! Good luck to you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My mom is getting remarried after a really difficult couple of years. My dad died in a car accident and he was driving drunk at the time. He had a major problem with alcohol and it caused a lot of stress for my mom. I’m happy to see that she’s happy, but her sisters have been treating her pretty badly since she started dating her soon-to-be husband. They think he is “rude” and “difficult to be around” but really I think he’s just overprotective of her after all that she’s been through. He’s not a drinker and not a big “party guy” like my dad was. Because he doesn’t like to go out as much, everyone thinks he’s a snob. I don’t think he is, I think he’s just more introspective. All that matters is that I think he treats my mom well and she deserves to be happy. It’s been a really hard time for us all and I don’t know why my aunts are making things so difficult. Her one sister is even threatening not to come to the wedding and they feel as though she has rushed into this. Isn’t she allowed to live her own life? At what point should I tell my mom – who is super sweet and a pushover most of the time for people she loves – to butt out? – JUST WANTS MOM HAPPY

DEAR JUST WANTS MOM HAPPY: All you can do is be a support to her, as it seems you have been. I am so sorry that you both went through so much with your dad. I hope he is at peace and I hope that you are able to find peace, too. It appears as though your mom is working on that by finding a new relationship where she can be content. It doesn’t really matter what your aunts think and instead of giving her grief, they should be supporting her new chapter. This is a big deal. The fact that your mom was living with someone in active addiction, then had to come to terms with their tragic death – and has been able to move forward and find love is a testament to her spirit. Stand by her. Make sure you find the support that you need, as well. If your aunts want to act foolish, let them. It’s not worth getting involved as it will only cause more stress around an otherwise happy occasion. Just because someone is introverted doesn’t make them rude. A totally different personality may be what helps your mom heal this time around. Clearly you trust her and her process. It’s a shame her sisters can’t show her the same level of respect. I know they are most likely trying to protect her, but they must let go and let her move into this new space, surrounding her with love – not judgment. This isn't about them and I hope they stop centering themselves in her narrative. 

DEAR NATALIE: I haven’t spoken to my brother in almost eight years. We had a fallout over his now-ex-wife and he took her side over mine. Well, I was proven right and they are getting divorced. They have two kids, my nephews, who I haven’t seen in almost six years. I want to rekindle a relationship with my brother, but he hasn’t been responsive to my texts. My husband keeps telling me to give it time, but it’s been almost a decade. Isn’t he ready to move on? Especially now that she’s out of the picture? – I WANT MY BROTHER BACK 

DEAR I WANT MY BROTHER BACK: While you may be ready to reconcile, he may not be there yet. And yes, eight years is a terribly long time to go without talking to your sibling. I am so sorry you have been going through that. Instead of texting him, why not try calling him on the phone? Or writing him a handwritten letter? Don’t talk about the divorce. Talk about how you miss him, how you love him and how sorry you are that you stopped speaking. Own your part in it, don’t deflect, and ask for a time to reconnect. He may want to look to you as a shoulder to lean on one day. Take the first leap. It can be scary, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And if you do reconnect, you have to leave the past in the past. Rehashing it could cause it all to come bubbling to the surface again, which may only set you back. It’s time for a fresh start and a clean slate. Good luck to you both!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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Check out her weekly shows

“Ask Natalie” and “Facts Over Fear” on

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