DEAR NATALIE: My mom is getting remarried after a really difficult couple of years. My dad died in a car accident and he was driving drunk at the time. He had a major problem with alcohol and it caused a lot of stress for my mom. I’m happy to see that she’s happy, but her sisters have been treating her pretty badly since she started dating her soon-to-be husband. They think he is “rude” and “difficult to be around” but really I think he’s just overprotective of her after all that she’s been through. He’s not a drinker and not a big “party guy” like my dad was. Because he doesn’t like to go out as much, everyone thinks he’s a snob. I don’t think he is, I think he’s just more introspective. All that matters is that I think he treats my mom well and she deserves to be happy. It’s been a really hard time for us all and I don’t know why my aunts are making things so difficult. Her one sister is even threatening not to come to the wedding and they feel as though she has rushed into this. Isn’t she allowed to live her own life? At what point should I tell my mom – who is super sweet and a pushover most of the time for people she loves – to butt out? – JUST WANTS MOM HAPPY
DEAR JUST WANTS MOM HAPPY: All you can do is be a support to her, as it seems you have been. I am so sorry that you both went through so much with your dad. I hope he is at peace and I hope that you are able to find peace, too. It appears as though your mom is working on that by finding a new relationship where she can be content. It doesn’t really matter what your aunts think and instead of giving her grief, they should be supporting her new chapter. This is a big deal. The fact that your mom was living with someone in active addiction, then had to come to terms with their tragic death – and has been able to move forward and find love is a testament to her spirit. Stand by her. Make sure you find the support that you need, as well. If your aunts want to act foolish, let them. It’s not worth getting involved as it will only cause more stress around an otherwise happy occasion. Just because someone is introverted doesn’t make them rude. A totally different personality may be what helps your mom heal this time around. Clearly you trust her and her process. It’s a shame her sisters can’t show her the same level of respect. I know they are most likely trying to protect her, but they must let go and let her move into this new space, surrounding her with love – not judgment. This isn't about them and I hope they stop centering themselves in her narrative.
DEAR NATALIE: I haven’t spoken to my brother in almost eight years. We had a fallout over his now-ex-wife and he took her side over mine. Well, I was proven right and they are getting divorced. They have two kids, my nephews, who I haven’t seen in almost six years. I want to rekindle a relationship with my brother, but he hasn’t been responsive to my texts. My husband keeps telling me to give it time, but it’s been almost a decade. Isn’t he ready to move on? Especially now that she’s out of the picture? – I WANT MY BROTHER BACK
DEAR I WANT MY BROTHER BACK: While you may be ready to reconcile, he may not be there yet. And yes, eight years is a terribly long time to go without talking to your sibling. I am so sorry you have been going through that. Instead of texting him, why not try calling him on the phone? Or writing him a handwritten letter? Don’t talk about the divorce. Talk about how you miss him, how you love him and how sorry you are that you stopped speaking. Own your part in it, don’t deflect, and ask for a time to reconnect. He may want to look to you as a shoulder to lean on one day. Take the first leap. It can be scary, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And if you do reconnect, you have to leave the past in the past. Rehashing it could cause it all to come bubbling to the surface again, which may only set you back. It’s time for a fresh start and a clean slate. Good luck to you both!
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