DEAR NATALIE: My son has a friend, Devon, whose parents are very open about being gun owners. Total aside – my husband also has a firearm that we keep safely locked away in our bedroom and our kids don’t know it is in the home. Devon has told my son that they have an “arsenal” of assault rifles in their shed on their property. His older brothers go shooting often and they want my son to come along. My son is 12 years old. Devon is 11 years old. I do not – under any circumstance – want my child touching any kind of gun at this age. My husband vehemently agrees. There are just too many variables and concerns that I have, especially considering the level of gun violence our kids are experiencing every day. I also want to add that Devon is not a “bad” kid. He often hangs out at our home and we feed him dinner (and I sneak him snacks to take home) several times a week. My kids get along with him, and I think we are a safe place for him to be. I already told my son he can’t go over to Devon’s because of the guns but that Devon is always welcome at our home. My son understands and I think felt relieved. Well, this got back to his mother and she called me to tell me that Devon is not allowed at my home anymore because she thinks “we think we are better than her.” I’m not sure how to handle this. My son is upset because he really likes Devon, and Devon is upset because he feels comfortable here and wants to continue to hang out at our home. Is there a way to address this issue with his parents without causing a major problem? – TRIGGERED
DEAR TRIGGERED: It sounds as though this mother’s ego has gotten in the way of her son having a good friend and family to watch out for him. It takes a village and having a community of people you can lean on – especially if you feel a little disconnected from your immediate family – can help in so many ways. You feed him, you provide a safe place for him, you provide positive social interactions for him and a sense of belonging. His mom should be thrilled that he found such a great friend. The person that suffers here is Devon. When I was a social worker, I remember working with a family who also had an “arsenal” of assault rifles and other weapons lining the walls in their home. One particular child who I worked with told me that they slept under their bed every night because all of the guns scared them and they were afraid of being shot in their sleep. This child was 14 years old. No child should have to feel this afraid to go to sleep each night. No child should feel unsafe in their own home. I encourage you to reach out to Devon’s mom. Be very kind and conciliatory on the phone. Reiterate to her that while you have differing viewpoints about gun ownership, you never intended to make her feel bad. Apologize for any miscommunication. Let her know how great of a kid you think Devon is, and that’s because he has a great mom. This may soften her a bit. My gram always said that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.
DEAR NATALIE: I live in Pittsburgh, PA about 50 miles away from the horrific disaster that occurred early in February when a train derailed in East Palestine, OH. I have a few friends who live in rural areas on the East Coast that live a very “back to the land” or homesteading type of lifestyle. They’re very conscious about the food they eat and products they use. I have not given this much thought. I know that buying organic produce is better than conventional, but to be honest, I don’t really make things like that a priority. Lately they’ve been on my case about buying a water filter and considering moving to an area that’s less polluted. They know I can’t just up and move. I have been thinking about relocating for some time – not related to issues of pollution. It’s hard to undo some of the knowledge they have given me about the dangers of the area I live in, that have existed long before the derailment and will continue long after. I’m afraid of raising kids in an area with poor air quality and lead in the water. I recently saw a TikTok about how daycare in France has high standards for providing kids with healthy food and I’m just feeling very distressed about my place in this country and the conditions we all live in, without thinking about what’s being done to us. What should I do? – OVERWHELMED
DEAR OVERWHELMED: It’s always easy to stand on the outside and tell people what to do, where to live or how to be. But it’s your life, your community and I’m sure you have your reasons for staying. Maybe financially you can’t afford to, or maybe you’ve created a community or have family ties and want to strengthen them. Some people would choose to stay because they want to make their hometown a better place. If homesteading works for your friends, then that’s great. Not everyone is cut out for such a life or would want to have that life. Does that mean we all don’t deserve clean air and water? Of course not. I hope your friends are also politically active and participate by voting for representatives that are focused on environmental justice, as well. It will take a lot more than individual actions to reduce the impact of climate change and unfettered corporatism that leads to an environmental catastrophe like the one in East Palestine. It can be difficult to feel motivated when you are constantly bombarded with the 24-hour negative news cycle. I suggest you get activated in your community. What are things that you can do as an individual – like getting that water filter – to improve your quality of life? What organizations can you join locally that are focused on environmental action? We all breathe the air. We all drink the water. This is not an “us versus them” issue. Whatever you can do that takes you out of a headspace of hopelessness and turns it into a state of hope – do that. And go visit your friends if you can. A new perspective could help you come home full of great ideas to use right in your own backyard.
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