DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been working as a photo editor for a media outlet that’s full of Boomers with outdated sensibilities and inappropriate ways of treating people. I don’t make as much money as I believe I should, and I’m tired of being talked down to just because I haven’t worked in the industry for 40 years. As if the industry isn’t completely different than it was 40 years ago! I’m ready to make a change in my career and step into my power. I’m tired of associating with a brand I don’t believe in and want my work to feel more impactful. I’m ready to work for myself, even though I don’t know what that looks like. I feel my creativity being stifled and I’m losing touch with why I even came to love this work in the first place. How do I know when I’m ready to make the leap and leave this job? The landscape of my industry doesn’t make me feel secure enough to think that “the net will appear” – but I don’t know what push I’m waiting for, or how miserable I can stand to be before it’s time to start seriously looking at what it would like to work somewhere else, or start working for smaller businesses I feel more ethically aligned with. –NEED A PUSH

DEAR NEED A PUSH: The reality is that there is never a good time to make a leap. I left a job (with health benefits) right before the pandemic hit in 2020 because of horrific verbal abuse I experienced during a meeting from a manager. I thought, “I can’t do this anymore,” went home, had a panic attack and quit shortly after. No safety net. No idea of what was next. I have always had a plan and taking the leap to bet on myself was totally worth it. I’m now building two businesses and working with people I respect and value who also respect and value me. I completely know where you are coming from and encourage you to work on a plan. What would it look like if you left? I was able to make the transition because I had worked on side projects for many years and was able to cushion my jump. Let me be clear, it was enough to keep the lights on at the time – I wasn’t making a ton of money or anything, but it was enough to leave an abusive and toxic environment. There will always be a reason to stay. It is really scary to trust yourself. And maybe you have asked yourself… “What if I fail?” Instead I encourage you to try, “What if I succeed?” Make a plan. Network with businesses you want to align yourself with. Get it in action. Give yourself a timeline, stick to it  and then just leap. Life is too short to be miserable. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been single for about a year and am loving it. No dating, no drama, lots of time to reconnect with myself and learn more about who I am and what I’m looking for in someone else. I’m taking my work and creative projects more seriously, and also am still pretty COVID-conscious, so I don’t mind being home a lot. In this time, most of my friends have entered serious relationships – even the ones who have always been “the single friend.” So I’ve been spending a lot more time alone, which I’m actually enjoying. I’m not isolating, but I know that a lot of my friends are less available than they used to be. But part of me worries that I’m losing my social life, or that one day I’ll wonder what happened to all of my friends. Part of me also feels left behind, like I’m being skipped over as my friends spend most of their time with a partner. Again, I’m not lonely, but I guess there’s some fear that one day I may wake up and feel differently. Am I worrying where I shouldn’t be? How can I stay connected to my friends, and still trust the place of anti-socialness that I’m in? – WANTS CONNECTION

DEAR WANTS CONNECTION: Do the people around you know how you feel? Have you expressed to your friends or colleagues, “Hey, I’ve been feeling a little lonely and isolated lately. Would you want to hang out?” I know it can be scary to be vulnerable, but the reality is that most people are going through their daily motions and aren’t cognizant of how time passes. Friendships are so important. Love is, too, but the most impactful relationship is the one we cultivate with ourselves. I’m proud of you for not being afraid to get to know yourself and what you want. Now that you have taken that time, it is natural to want to share life with others. Reach out. Plan friend dates. Make a point to do things where you feel safe – like outdoor activities or small groups in homes – while COVID rages on. As people age, they go through different phases, but you are allowed to be where you are. No one else’s timeline is yours and comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. Fill your cup with what brings you joy – and if that includes more time with friends – let them know what’s on your heart. I assure you that they will want to spend time with you!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been together since we were in high school. We followed a typical path of going to college, getting married, buying a house, and having two beautiful kids who are now ages eight and 10. Our marriage is perfectly pleasant and I’m grateful to have a rock-solid partner to raise my children and do the hard life stuff with, but it’s not electric, and I’m wanting more from our sex life. I guess the monotony is normal, but I can’t help but think about what I’m missing out on by having only been with the same person for pretty much my entire life. We moved to a conservative suburb because of the school district, but have open-minded friends (a couple of whom may be swingers) that live in the nearby city. How can I talk to him about opening things up? How can I remember that I’m still hot, even if I feel stuck in the high school sweetheart mom zone? –BRING BACK THE SPARK 

DEAR BRING BACK THE SPARK: Before you start tossing your keys in a bowl, take a step back here. You may think you want to go from zero to 60 in under a second, but how does your husband feel about all of this? Have you discussed with him where you are emotionally and sexually? Does he feel the same or is he content as is? Baby steps might be a better path forward than mentioning swinging out the gate. If you think the passion has waned, why not look into ways to spice it up between the two of you first? If you aren’t comfortable verbalizing your feelings, you could write them down and then swap them with each other to see where there are points of intersection, to begin with. He may feel the same way but has been afraid to tell you. No one wants to feel as if they haven’t fulfilled their partner sexually, so tread lightly. Share what your interests are. If you don’t know them, take some time to research. Have fun with that part together! Then, if after doing some exploration things still aren’t where you want them to be, consider a therapist that specializes in sexual health. They may be able to illuminate the path in new ways so that you can have a happy and fulfilling sex life. I think it is great that you want to work on this aspect of your marriage. What we water is what blooms. 

DEAR NATALIE: My son graduated from high school last year and decided to take time off before going to college. He’s an incredible actor and wants to pursue it as a career. He works at a bar now and is getting involved with local theater companies. He says he doesn’t want to go into debt going to school, so he’s not rushing into the process. I get that the price of college is totally unreasonable and nerve-wracking to commit to. Because I don’t work in the theater world, I don’t have enough experience with the industry to know about a college track versus a DIY track. I want to support him, but I don’t want him to get stuck working in bars forever and let his talent get put on the back burner. Also, it makes me so angry that if cost were not an issue, who knows where he could be right now? The position this generation is in is completely unfair and I feel helpless. How can I advise him? How can I trust that he’ll end up where he needs to be, wherever that is?

–I BELIEVE IN HIM

DEAR I BELIEVE IN HIM: There’s nothing wrong with pursuing a dream and paying the bills while you work towards your goals. There could be an argument here for having a backup plan. Why doesn’t he continue to pursue acting, but also take some courses at a community college (which costs less than a traditional university) so that if he wants to build up a second career, he has some credentials to do so? There are a lot of ways to make a living in this world, and I would also encourage him to work on his social media presence if he hasn’t started doing so. People are being discovered on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, and having a social media presence makes you more appealing in the theatrical world, as well. Taking a three-prong approach may take more time and energy, but if he has to hustle (and who doesn’t these days?) it might as well be toward his larger dream.  

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci

Check out her NEW podcast: “In Other News” at

NEXTpittsburgh.com or on your favorite podcast

streaming site.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband has been cheating on me for months. He works in sales and travels a lot overseas. While he was in Italy, he “fell in love” and has been having an affair while there. I found out when he came back and wouldn’t sleep with me. I asked him what was wrong and he said he wouldn’t want to “hurt her.” I said, “Who?” Then, he told me what happened. He’s done this before and I’ve taken him back because of my religious faith and belief in him. But this time is different. He doesn't want to work on our marriage anymore. We’ve been together for 20 years. I am heartbroken. To make matters worse, he is flying this woman here and wants to stay in our home with her. He said they will stay in our basement (it’s a finished basement with its own bedroom and bathroom). When I balked at this, he went ballistic on me and told me to “forgive.” I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I don’t feel like I should have to move out of our home and I certainly don’t want her here. Any ideas on how to navigate this? –BROKEN HEARTED 

DEAR BROKEN HEARTED: Please do not let this man and this belief system gaslight you into thinking that you are in the wrong here. He is the one who broke his sacred vows and ruined your marriage with his lies. I have always believed that if you are unhappy, either go to counseling or break up. Do not cheat. That’s like pouring salt on a wound and wondering why it hurts ten times more. He needs to move out and you need to find a good lawyer. Don’t leave the house. You have every right to tell him that you do not want her to stay in your house. They can get a hotel. Don’t engage with him further. I would contact a lawyer today and ask them what to do in this situation. At the same time, you need to start thinking about what you want. It is your time to move forward and work on healing from the abuse of this marriage. It is time to reconsider the belief system that made you think that your value was only tied to being a wife who accepts whatever is thrown at her, without any consideration for her feelings. You deserve peace. You deserve so much better. I hope you find the strength to stand your ground and kick him to the curb. Arrivederci! 

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I moved to Pittsburgh recently. We are middle-aged and both work in office settings. She has seemed to have no trouble making new friends, and is regularly out and about with them, doing yoga, going to restaurants, or going to see sports and theater. She has great social skills. That’s one of the reasons I love her. She is really funny and smart – and I think these things are also true about myself. At least that’s what my wife tells me. But I can’t seem to make connections like she has been able to. Are men just more closed off? I can have a beer with someone after work and enjoy that brief time, but I’m looking for a more meaningful, deep friendship the way I see she has been able to make them. Any thoughts on how to make friends after 40? –WOULD LIKE NEW FRIENDS 

DEAR WOULD LIKE NEW FRIENDS: The amazing Jane Fonda recently said in an interview that men sit next to each other and look straight ahead – while women face each other and look into one another’s eyes. Stay with me. She was talking about how men are often together, but not as present or involved as women are with one another. Making male friends takes a little more time and effort since men in our culture aren’t socialized to be relational. I applaud you for wanting to branch out and expand your social circle. We all need multiple emotionally fulfilling relationships to be our best selves. The best way to do this is to just try. Your wife seems to invite others out for social activities. You can do that, too. Outside of meeting for a beer, what are things you enjoy? It may take time to find a few male friends who respond, but I think the world is changing. Men want to have meaningful relationships, and whether or not our society is giving them permission for their full spectrum of emotional experiences, they are tapping into them on their own terms. Perhaps your wife could set up a group date with other husbands of her new friends? This may be an easy way to connect with people that you can get to know over a meal or during a social event once or twice a month. Tell people what you want. If there are a few guys that you click with, let them know you are new to town and if they want to hang out more, you would enjoy that! Being vulnerable is often what prevents us from overcoming obstacles. It’s scary to put yourself out there. But, realistically, what do you have to lose?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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