DEAR NATALIE: In 2021, four of my "best friends'' and I started a business. We split the starting capital of $8,000 evenly and set up the LLC as 20% owners. Friend “A” was unemployed and wanted to work on the business full time, handling the brunt of the day-to-day work. Friend “B” was employed, but after our first event was a success, they decided they would quit and start working for the LLC full-time. Friend “C” was employed full-time and made it clear they had limited time to commit to the business. Friend “D” was pregnant and an independent contractor who also had limited involvement in business after getting it up and running. We worked for several months before our first event, which was an undeniable success. Shortly after, friend “D” had her child. It was also around this time “A” and “B” attempted to be punitive towards “C” and “D” because they felt resentful that they were doing most of the work, and it was harder than they had anticipated. We had been paying ourselves $1,000 for each event (as our revenue was in the $30,000 - $60,000 range per event) to this point. Friends “A” and “B” started pushing "buy-outs" on friends “C” and “D” claiming it was the fair and moral thing to do. Natalie, by our fourth event we had revenue of over $150,000! Their buyout offers were for $5,000 and $8,000 respectively -- those numbers have never been explained. “C” and “D” were shocked and stated they were not interested in selling. They felt that “A” and “B” should get paid employee salaries, and all owners should maintain guaranteed payments of $1,000 per event. Overall profits could be split at the end of the year. After this, since they did not agree,  friends “A” and “B” hijacked the bank accounts and have not paid the other owners a dime since. They are of the opinion that they are in the right and that “C” and “D” should just take what was offered to them. Natalie, our business has now made over $1 million in revenue and “A” and “B” still think $5,000 and $8,000 are fair offers. Meanwhile, “C” and “D”  have not seen any return on their investments, while “A” and “B” pay themselves whatever they want and have access to thousands of dollars in the piggy bank of cash per event. While it may be inevitable, all four would like to avoid court. There was never an operating agreement put in place. What are your thoughts? Does this situation entitle “A” and “B” to the entirety of the company? “C” and “D” never promised to be involved day to day and were vocal about that from the beginning to manage expectations. Did “A” and “B” let their greed and ego take over once they saw how much money the business was making? Who's being unreasonable here? Your insights are appreciated. – “E”

DEAR E: As someone who has started two businesses – and one with a partner – it is imperative that you get everything in writing. You have to establish everyone’s roles and responsibilities, their share of the company, and many other components that go into having a healthy working relationship. This is even more important if you start off as friends. Think of your operating agreement as your business prenup. Everything is laid out ahead of time so that there are no surprises. Yes, this means you have to connect with a lawyer and spend the money. Now that you are in this situation, there are two ways to play this. Either you agree to use the company money to pay a lawyer to work up an agreement that is beneficial for all parties involved, or you go to court. The fact that “A” and “B” have hijacked the account is of real concern to me. The disrespect that they have shown the rest of the partners cannot be understated. Do you even want to continue with “A” and “B”? Is it a better solution to dissolve the company and work with “C” and “D” on a new venture? “A” and “B” aren’t “entitled” to anything. This is a classic case of greed ruining relationships. It would have made more sense to have “A” and “B” take salaries since they were working full-time and pay everyone as an owner their share of the profits. Instead, they have stolen from people, denied their partners compensation, and even further attempted to gaslight everyone into thinking that they are blameless. The bigger question is: Why work with them moving forward? 

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter has talked to me about her relationship with her college professor – he’s being helpful to her academically speaking, but I’m wondering if it’s crossing lines. She’s told me that they spend a lot of time together off-campus. For instance, he’ll be alone for the holidays and has invited her to spend time with him, since she won’t be traveling home to spend it with us. She’s an adult who can make her own choices and navigate her own relationships, but I’m nervous that an inappropriate relationship may reflect negatively upon her, and that he won’t suffer any of the consequences.

– CONCERNED MOTHER

DEAR CONCERNED MOTHER: Tale as old as time, isn’t it? Man in a position of authority falls for a young woman. Relationship ensues and (most likely ends) in a mess. Mom cleans up said mess and comforts daughter. Man continues on, unscathed. Cynical? Yes. Accurate? Also yes. Is there anything you can do? No, not really. If he does show interest in her – she could speak well beyond her years and say that while she is flattered, it isn’t appropriate for her to date him while she’s his student. Once the semester ends, however, things could be different. Will she do that? Who knows? Should it be on her to do that? Absolutely not. Like my grandma always said, “Men think with the wrong head.” You’ve given her your advice but you can’t live her life. The most you can do is be a source of support to her by keeping the door for conversation open. Maybe you can offer her your experience in a similar situation from when you were younger, without getting too preachy. Part of life is the mistakes we make, what we learn and how we grow from them. I wish we could protect everyone we love, but we have to let them go and see what happens. People do surprise me. Maybe things will turn out better than you think.

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DEAR NATALIE: This is the first holiday season that my partner is sober. I want to make sure they’re comfortable – I’m willing to not drink so that they don’t feel like they’re the only one that’s off the booze, but I can’t speak for the rest of my family. We are a big New Year’s Eve family and we all get together. It can get pretty wild and there is a lot of alcohol flowing. We skipped Christmas this year because it felt critical to take it easy and avoid potential triggers for my partner, and now I’m feeling like doing the same for NYE. However, my family was pretty mad that we didn’t make it to Christmas and my mother is insisting that we attend NYE. How do I explain to them that I don’t want my partner around a bunch of drunk people? I don’t want to be rude or impose my value system, but I am just doing this as an act of love and protection for them. Any ideas on how to navigate? My partner tells me I am overreacting and they are “fine” but I worry regardless. – SOBER NEW YEAR

DEAR SOBER NEW YEAR: How about a compromise? I applaud you for wanting to be there for your partner and for feeling protective, but it is their job to handle their sobriety – not yours. If you push too hard, you can end up policing them, which isn’t a good look, either. There are support groups out there for family and friends whose world has been rocked by addiction to look into, as well. Now, putting all of that aside for a moment, you could still go to New Year’s Eve, but just stay for an hour. Pop in, say hello, drop off holiday gifts, make the rounds and sip a soda — then head out. Be clear with your mother about why you are cutting the trip short if you haven’t already explained. If they don’t understand or are still miffed, that’s on them. Your partner’s health is the priority here, and I applaud you for standing in solidarity. Just make sure you do it in a way that is healthy for you, and remember that they have agency around this as well.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m a young, healthy person that works in food service and has a couple of creative side hustles. I’m around a lot of people at my job, although I wear a mask. I’m frustrated, especially as it gets colder out and activities shift to inside, that people seem like they’re totally done with wearing masks everywhere I go. We know that the government won’t take care of us. Companies don’t care. How can I continue to live safely without totally socially isolating myself? How can I deal with the ongoing trauma of the time we’re living in?  – COVID NIGHTMARE

DEAR COVID NIGHTMARE: It is beyond frustrating to watch what has happened in this country – and around the world – over the past three years. We cannot individually save ourselves in the midst of a public health crisis. And yes, it is a crisis. We now know the long-term ramifications of long-COVID and the dangers of reinfection. We are now seeing surges in the flu as well as other respiratory viruses like RSV. We know our hospital systems are at a breaking point. We know that our healthcare system is broken with millions uninsured or underinsured. All of this impacts who gets treatment and how. None of this is new. What is new is this sheer lack of public interest, and collective gaslighting we experience when the world moves forward so unsafely. So what is a person to do? Instead of throwing your hands up and giving up, double down. I still wear my mask everywhere in public, whether it’s to my yoga class or grocery store. I avoid large gatherings in person when I can. I’ve given up on caring what other people think. I have immunocompromised people in my life. I want to keep them and myself safe and well as best I can. I can’t control what others do – and neither can you. All you can do at this point is mitigate risk, find others who are doing the same, and create safer ways to connect. For example, I’m incredibly particular about eating indoors during the winter. I won’t go to crowded restaurants. For the most part, I order takeout and invite friends over if we want to hang out. We do outdoor activities whenever possible, and I surround myself with people who accept me as I am. Don’t get it twisted. I don’t “enjoy” wearing a mask, but I look at it as a simple, effective and easy measure to reduce the risk of infection. If we can all just do this a little bit more, maybe we can make it through this winter unscathed. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I want to bring my new girlfriend to my family’s Christmas gathering. They’re accepting of me, but they treat me like the "token gay" of the family. They often want to talk about traumatic events in the news and homophobic legislation, as if I have all of the answers. I don’t want to miss a teaching moment where my queerness can help them expand their minds, but it’s also exhausting. Ruling out any political conversation isn’t my goal, but I wish they’d talk about “regular” things like they do with my other (straight) family members, especially when a new partner is around. How can I move through conversation this holiday season with all of them, and with her? – EXHAUSTED AT THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR EXHAUSTED AT THE HOLIDAYS: One thing I have learned through the years is that setting boundaries is a must, no matter what the relationship. You are allowed to feel this way and you are allowed to just be. It is not the job of queer people to educated straight people on these issues. You can gently bring this up the next time a conversation gets going around topics that you are too tired to dig into. Saying something like, “I appreciate your interest in these issues and in my life. But, having to play the role of the only person who can explain these deep and complex topics gets exhausting after a while. I would love to just have a relaxing day where we talk about other things that are a little lighter to carry.” See what they say. Most likely, they are bringing up these topics in an attempt to show you that they care about you and want to connect to you. Bringing this to their attention may surprise them – they may feel a little embarrassed – but the moment will pass and you can get back to what matters around the holidays – arguing over which classic holiday movie to play on repeat. 

DEAR NATALIE: This is the first holiday season since my partner and I broke up. We were together for four years and everyone was assuming we were going to get engaged this holiday. Well, instead of an engagement, I found out he was cheating. Not only had he been cheating, but he had been with this other woman for a whole year – and she didn’t know anything about me. When I found out, I confronted her and she was so angry with him. We both dumped him and have now become friends. My family, however, is very traditional and felt as though we should have “worked things through.” I am dreading going home over the holidays because I know my single-status will be the talk of the family. Any advice on how to navigate these waters? I will never get back with him and have no interest in dating anyone right now. Thoughts on how to deal with my family? – HOLIDAY FOR ONE DEAR HOLIDAY FOR ONE: First off, good for you for drawing a line in the sand as it pertains to what you will and will not accept in your relationships. He crossed the line, you let him go. Further, it is impressive that not only did you connect with the woman he was seeing, but that you both left him and became allies for each other. I love to see this level of connectedness among women. Why should either of you put up with a liar and a cheater? He has work to do and you don’t have time to waste. Now, as far as your family goes, this may be a conversation to have ahead of time. Who is the person who makes news travel the fastest? Usually it's a matriarchal figure. Perhaps your mother, aunt or grandmother will do the trick. Whoever it is that will lend a sympathetic ear and has the family on speed dial – reach out to them first. Let them know about your anxiety around the holiday and your breakup. Garner some sympathy. Tell them that while you want to come, you won’t want to discuss your breakup. You don’t want the focus to be on you and this situation. You want to have a great day with the family and keep it focused on the occasion, not your love life. If people can’t respect that, you may have to cut the visit short. People often don’t recognize how the holidays – while a joyful time for some – can be a stress ball for others. Acknowledge where you are, create a boundary for yourself and stick to it. If someone does bring it up at the party, simply say, “That’s in the past and I’m moving forward happy and healthy. I have nothing else to say about it.” Leave it at that. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing here.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci

Check out her weekly shows

“Ask Natalie” and “Facts Over Fear” on

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