DEAR NATALIE: My sister-in-law is very conservative and her children are home-schooled. My daughter, who is seven, is close with my eight-year-old niece and they play after school often. She came home from their house the other day and told me all about “the rapture” and asked me why her cousin believes the Earth is flat – because that isn’t what she has learned in school. I was taken aback. I didn’t exactly know how to handle this because while I want her to have a close relationship with my husband’s side of the family, I don’t want them to fill her head with absurd and potentially dangerous ideas. She told me that my niece was “excited” to go to heaven. My daughter wanted to know why she isn’t going to heaven because my niece apparently told her that unless she accepts Jesus, she will be in hell. This is a lot to take in for anyone, let alone a seven-year-old. I was furious and called my husband. I don’t talk to my sister-in-law much – as you can imagine – and usually make my husband act as the liaison. He was furious with her. She hung up on him and now I don’t think there will be any more playdates for a while. How do I smooth things over without acknowledging the absurdity of what her daughter said to my daughter? I don’t want this to turn into a big feud – especially with the holidays approaching. Any ideas? –SCIENCE IS REAL, THE RAPTURE IS NOT
DEAR SCIENCE IS REAL, THE RAPTURE IS NOT: This is a rough one because you don’t want to alienate these family members, but you also can’t let them fill your daughter's head with untruths. It’s fine to have whatever religious beliefs you want, but to push them on others when they haven’t asked for that is not okay. If your daughter is coming home distraught, you may need to take a step back from the personal relationships at hand, and talk to your daughter clearly and plainly about the difference between “beliefs” and “facts.” The reality is, if she is old enough to hear about "the rapture", then she is old enough to hear the counterpoint to that argument, and know that there isn't sound scientific evidence to support these theories. The goal here isn’t to try and change the minds and hearts of your sister-in-law or your niece, but to instead offer a different perspective for your daughter to digest. In the meantime, having a phone call with your sister-in-law may be in order. Explain to her that while you care about her, you also need her to respect your family’s belief system. This can’t be a one-way conversation. And if it is – then it isn’t you that has alienated the family. It’s her.
DEAR NATALIE: One of my closest friends is a budding chef and started a meal-delivery service. I have a very large social media following and often collaborate with brands both in my hometown as well as around the country. She asked me to partner with her to help share her new service. I was all for it until I received the product. It was awful. I asked her to send me a second one – in a different flavor – and it was worse. I am not sure how to approach this because I do not want to hurt her feelings. I also cannot promote something I don’t believe in or like. It would hurt my brand that I have worked to build. Any ideas on how to navigate this uncomfortable situation?
–NOT TASTY
DEAR NOT TASTY: Friendship and business often don’t make a tasty dish. While you may want to support your friend’s endeavors, not being honest with her will only hurt her in the long run. I would want someone I trust to share with me about opportunities for growth so that I can bring the best product possible to the market. It is easier said than done, however. We often don’t want to hear the opinion of our friends, we just want their support. Offering support, rather than telling her the truth – that you didn't enjoy the meals – could be fine if you weren’t being asked to participate in her business by publicly vouching for it. So this is where it gets muddled. Instead of coming to this as “this will hurt my personal brand” try sharing with her how you want to help her succeed. Tell her that the product needs some more tweaking. Be honest. Share with her what you think the improvements could be. Ask about the other feedback she has gotten so far. Explain how difficult and crowded the market is and that only the very best survive in this environment. While it may not be what she wants to hear, sharing what’s in your heart may be the only way to move forward. You certainly can’t ghost her about this, so just be direct. Loving, but direct. She may thank you in the long run.
Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to
asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.
Follow her on Twitter
@NatalieBenci.
Check out her weekly shows
“Ask Natalie” and “Facts Over Fear” on
Instagram: @NatalieBencivenga