DEAR NATALIE: I gave birth last week and now have a little girl named Iris. She is beautiful and perfect and all good things. My husband and I are over the moon and so happy. This is our first baby after a series of miscarriages. I welcomed my sister-in-law and my brother over to our house yesterday to see the baby. They were so happy for us and took lots of pictures. I am not a social media person and believe that children can’t consent to having their pictures online. So, my husband and I have decided to keep Iris offline as much as possible. We told our family this months ago. They are welcome to take photos of her for themselves, but we asked that they please do not post them online. My sister-in-law didn’t listen and posted a bunch of photos online of Iris. I am very upset by this. My husband called her and asked her to take them down. She begrudgingly did, but yelled at him, saying that “we need to get over it.” Why is this so hard for her to understand and how do I smooth this over? -PROTECTING BABY IRIS
DEAR PROTECTING BABY IRIS: It can be hard to go against the grain. I applaud you and your husband for trying to shield your child from the internet and social media for as long as you can. It may be easy to do right now, but as she gets older, the likelihood is someone will post something with her in it — and she may end up online. I would be ready to adjust your expectations around this issue as she becomes a toddler and goes to gatherings. I can also understand a need to protect her and to control this situation, especially after experiencing the trauma that can come along with multiple miscarriages. I am so sorry you and your husband went through that, but I am so happy to hear that you have a beautiful, healthy baby. Focus on Iris and this happy moment – not on this situation with your sister-in-law. Take it all in. Enjoy this new journey with your new family. In time, I’m sure she will recover from this perceived slight. In the future, gently remind her and the others in your family what your wishes are, and hopefully, they will respect them.
DEAR NATALIE: I’m throwing a lavish 50th birthday party for my husband at this fantastic restaurant in our city. We are inviting 20 of our friends and family. My husband’s best friend is, of course, on the list. He is newly divorced and just started dating someone. She seems nice enough, but the invitation we sent out did not include her. We can only have so many in the dining space and 20 is the limit. I tried to explain this to him, but he became really agitated with me and said that he really wanted to bring her. I told him there was just no room at the table, and now he is threatening not to come. I think this is absolutely ridiculous. I already talked to the restaurant and they said this is all they can comfortably seat. I don’t want my other guests to be uncomfortable because he wants to bring some woman he just met. Am I being ridiculous or is he? I don’t want my husband to know about this, either. I am trying to create a fun, stress-free event for him. Any suggestions on what to do? -YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US
DEAR YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US: This is your party, your guest list and you can absolutely say “no plus-ones” at this event – especially because there is such limited seating. If your husband’s best friend can’t handle that, tell him he can come after the party and meet for a drink at the bar if he wants. This is absolutely ridiculous that he would try and center himself in this situation. He should just show up, have a great night and introduce his new girlfriend to you both another time. If he can’t handle this, then he doesn’t need to come and cause an issue where there doesn’t need to be one.
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