DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé and I got into an argument the other night over travel. He wants to do a “guys’ weekend” in Vegas with a few of his friends in September. I told him that was OK, as I wanted to go away with my best girlfriend to a spa for a weekend in October. He was adamantly against this. He said that “it’s disrespectful for me to travel without him.” I was so confused. I told him how hypocritical that was considering he was planning a trip without me – which is fine – with his friends. He said that it was “different for men.” This is absolute nonsense. We argued about it, but he isn't budging. My girlfriend told me I should just go with her, anyway. However, I don’t want to cause issues in my relationship as we are getting married next year. What do you think I should do to smooth this over? –POSSESSIVE PARTNER

DEAR POSSESSIVE PARTNER: Flip this around. Why are you trying to smooth things over with him? He should be trying to repair this. His misogynistic behavior is what caused the argument. This is a red flag. Possessiveness leads to control. Controlling behaviors can lead to abusive ones. Abuse can take many forms. “Not allowing” you to travel is a form of subjugation. I would take this seriously. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who is trying to control how you live? Think long and hard about what you want from a partner. A partner stands beside you. Treats you as their equal because you are their equal. Someone who tries to belittle you and creates a separate set of rules for you is someone who doesn’t respect your personal sense of autonomy. Either work through this so that he understands that he doesn’t get to dictate terms to you, or walk away. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t trust you, respect you or value you. Remember, control is not love. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have three small children. Housework is something that we divide, but he expects me to do all of the childcare, even though we both work full-time. Meaning, when I get home from work, I am expected to handle all of the kids, getting them dinner, bathing them, and putting them to bed. He works from home and we have a nanny during the workday so he doesn’t have to deal with them. Then, when I get home, he usually just sits on the couch and watches television after dinner while I do all the work. I wouldn’t mind handling the kids most of the time, but it would be nice if I could just have one evening to myself. Whenever I have brought this up, he tells me that this is how he was raised and that “little kids need their mother more.” While it’s true that I breastfed all of my children, they are seven, four and three now. He needs to be more hands-on. How can I convince him of that? –BURNED OUT MAMA

DEAR BURNED OUT MAMA: I find this all very frustrating when some fathers refer to watching their own kids as “babysitting.” It sets up this dynamic that they aren’t a primary caregiver or an equal partner in raising their children. While many of our patterns are established because of what we experienced growing up from our parents, it is never too late to break generational cycles that perpetuate false and negative gender stereotypes. It’s time for a heart-to-heart. Sharing with him how it makes you feel when he doesn’t participate in family life may be a way towards understanding. If he wants a happy home life, he needs to understand that you are a partner, not an employee. You deserve a night to yourself just like he has enjoyed every night to himself. His archaic views on parenting won’t just harm his marriage in the long run, but they will also harm his children; having them grow up with unrealistic expectations of how home life is structured. If he still doesn’t get it, you may need to start scheduling something twice a week in the evening so that you aren’t available. Maybe a yoga class or a date with a friend? At that point, he may have to figure out how to watch the kids for a few hours, recognizing the work that it takes. Life is a lot more enjoyable when we share the work, as it reduces the burden on everyone – and the resentment, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband-to-be has two brothers who are more “country” than he is. They both open carry almost everywhere they go and I sarcastically said to them the other night at dinner, “Well, make sure you leave your rifles at home for the wedding.” The one brother laughed but the other brother told me he was planning to bring his. I was shocked that he would honestly think it would be OK to bring a gun to my wedding. My 97-year-old grandmother will be there. My fiancé – who is the oldest – jumped to my defense and said that there would be no reason to bring a gun to the ceremony. It turned ugly from there. My brother-in-law-to-be started screaming at him saying how “it’s his right” and “don’t tread on me” and other absurd comments. While my fiancé is still talking to the one brother who said he wouldn’t bring a gun, the other brother is threatening not to come. They are all very close and it would break my fiancé’s heart not to have them there with them. But how can I allow someone to bring a firearm to a wedding during these times? Any ideas on how to make things right while we stand our ground on this point? –NO GUNS ALLOWED

DEAR NO GUNS ALLOWED: It is your wedding. You have every right to ask your family and friends to leave their guns at home. (I can’t even believe I have to type this but here we are.) It is a private event. You set the rules. If he can’t follow them, then he doesn’t need to attend. If having a gun strapped to his body while standing next to elderly relatives and children is more important than seeing his brother marry – that’s on him. This is not an unreasonable request. This country is gun sick. They have turned owning a personal firearm in the home for protection into a national fetish. According to the CDC, guns are now the leading cause of death in children and adolescents ages 1-19. Why would you want someone wearing a gun as casually as a boutonniere to your wedding? If you and your fiancé are on the same side about this – and it seems as though you are – then there is no more to discuss. If he chooses his gun over his own brother – at least you know where you stand. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are both getting married next year. We thought it would be fun to go dress shopping together. Neither of us have big families, so we brought our moms and our two closest friends. Well, the problem is we both fell in love with the same dress. We have similar body types and I think the dress flatters both of us. She said that I should let her have the dress because “this is my first wedding and this is your second. I was totally taken aback. I had married my high school boyfriend in Vegas and we were divorced within a year. Ten years later, I have met the love of my life and want a real wedding with a real wedding dress. I was hurt by her comment. Should I just give up the gown of my dreams or should I fight her on this? I don’t know what to do.

–DRESS AGONY

DEAR DRESS AGONY: She should not have said something so callous and hurtful to you. It was rude and mean-spirited. I know tensions can rise during wedding planning, but picking out a dress is the fun part! Instead of arguing with her about this gown, why not go out on your own with just your mom or another trusted friend and check out a different shop? You may find something that you like even more. Besides, do you really want to wear a gown that caused you to fight with your close friend? It isn’t worth it. If you find a new gown you fall in love with, let her know the other gown is hers. This relationship is worth celebrating, but if you still feel upset by what she said, tell her. Don’t let resentments build. The wound can’t heal if it can’t close.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: For the last three months, I have been dating a woman who wanted to be exclusive. So we were – or at least I thought we were. We had been intimate during these months, as well. To make a long story short, she has been seeing another man and has gone away with him. She has paid for these trips. Even on my birthday she was away with him in Florida and did not even call me. She asked me if I wanted to go with her to Florida with her this winter and to split the expenses with her. (We are what you would call “snowbirds.”) When things didn’t add up, and I was asked to share expenses, I felt I had a right to ask questions directly to her about my suspicions of her cheating. I also was told stories from her friends that were inconsistent from what she was telling me. Through it all she denied any wrongdoing. This past weekend, my suspicions became true when we ran into “the other man” and his friends at an event. She asked me not to leave her and admitted her lies. My heart tells me everyone deserves a second chance, but my common sense tells me to run. Do I run ? -LOST IN LOVE

DEAR LOST IN LOVE: While I understand that you care for this woman, you also need to care for yourself. She is clearly manipulating you – and possibly the other man in this situation – to get what she wants. I do not recommend that you take her back. I do recommend that you cut off communication with her completely so that she can’t wiggle her way back in. While she may genuinely enjoy spending time with you, you can’t build a foundation on sand. She isn’t trustworthy and doesn’t respect you. There are no red flags to note here — only the cold, hard truth. I wish you luck in love. Know that you are worthy of finding a love that is true and real. 

DEAR NATALIE: My brother and I do not see eye to eye on anything that is happening with the Supreme Court. I am vehemently pro-choice and he is in the camp of, “It doesn’t impact me personally so why should I care?” My mother has tried to talk to him, too. We are so frustrated by everything that is going on and we ended up in a very heated debate that left him slamming the door and swearing at me. That was four days ago. Normally, we talk every day, so the fact that we haven’t spoken is upsetting me. My mother told me I just need to give him time. I am agitated because why should I have to worry about HIM speaking to ME? Any idea on how to navigate through this? I am hurt and angry. He owes me an apology. –ANGRY SISTER

DEAR ANGRY SISTER: No matter what laws may be written, we have intrinsic value. Without bodily autonomy, we have nothing. Give it space. You don’t have to agree – and you may never agree – but he also can’t swear at you and slam doors because his emotions get the better of him. It’s also hard to think about making concessions to someone who doesn’t believe you have the right to your own body. So don’t. If you can handle not speaking to him, so be it. If and when he is ready to apologize, you can hear him out. You are under no obligation to work on this if he won’t. I know that isn’t the answer you want to hear, but since you’ve made it clear that you feel as though he owes you an apology, what other choice do you have but to wait it out? Just be prepared for it never to happen. Then you have to decide whether you can move forward without one – or put more distance between you for your mental health. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.