DEAR NATALIE: My husband-to-be has two brothers who are more “country” than he is. They both open carry almost everywhere they go and I sarcastically said to them the other night at dinner, “Well, make sure you leave your rifles at home for the wedding.” The one brother laughed but the other brother told me he was planning to bring his. I was shocked that he would honestly think it would be OK to bring a gun to my wedding. My 97-year-old grandmother will be there. My fiancé – who is the oldest – jumped to my defense and said that there would be no reason to bring a gun to the ceremony. It turned ugly from there. My brother-in-law-to-be started screaming at him saying how “it’s his right” and “don’t tread on me” and other absurd comments. While my fiancé is still talking to the one brother who said he wouldn’t bring a gun, the other brother is threatening not to come. They are all very close and it would break my fiancé’s heart not to have them there with them. But how can I allow someone to bring a firearm to a wedding during these times? Any ideas on how to make things right while we stand our ground on this point? –NO GUNS ALLOWED
DEAR NO GUNS ALLOWED: It is your wedding. You have every right to ask your family and friends to leave their guns at home. (I can’t even believe I have to type this but here we are.) It is a private event. You set the rules. If he can’t follow them, then he doesn’t need to attend. If having a gun strapped to his body while standing next to elderly relatives and children is more important than seeing his brother marry – that’s on him. This is not an unreasonable request. This country is gun sick. They have turned owning a personal firearm in the home for protection into a national fetish. According to the CDC, guns are now the leading cause of death in children and adolescents ages 1-19. Why would you want someone wearing a gun as casually as a boutonniere to your wedding? If you and your fiancé are on the same side about this – and it seems as though you are – then there is no more to discuss. If he chooses his gun over his own brother – at least you know where you stand.
DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are both getting married next year. We thought it would be fun to go dress shopping together. Neither of us have big families, so we brought our moms and our two closest friends. Well, the problem is we both fell in love with the same dress. We have similar body types and I think the dress flatters both of us. She said that I should let her have the dress because “this is my first wedding and this is your second. I was totally taken aback. I had married my high school boyfriend in Vegas and we were divorced within a year. Ten years later, I have met the love of my life and want a real wedding with a real wedding dress. I was hurt by her comment. Should I just give up the gown of my dreams or should I fight her on this? I don’t know what to do.
DEAR DRESS AGONY: She should not have said something so callous and hurtful to you. It was rude and mean-spirited. I know tensions can rise during wedding planning, but picking out a dress is the fun part! Instead of arguing with her about this gown, why not go out on your own with just your mom or another trusted friend and check out a different shop? You may find something that you like even more. Besides, do you really want to wear a gown that caused you to fight with your close friend? It isn’t worth it. If you find a new gown you fall in love with, let her know the other gown is hers. This relationship is worth celebrating, but if you still feel upset by what she said, tell her. Don’t let resentments build. The wound can’t heal if it can’t close.
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